The Eternal Misfortune of Aqualagoon is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Queen Shrub with an iron fist, and notable for its closed borders, complete lack of prisons, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 17.441 billion Aqualagoonians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Florapolis. The average income tax rate is 99.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Aqualagoonian economy, worth a remarkable 8,599 trillion Raindrops a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Beef-Based Agriculture, Trout Farming, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 493,036 Raindrops, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A division of tanks navigating "as the crow flies" has driven into a ravine, claiming to have performed the Heimlich Maneuver is a popular defense for assault charges, a crystal a day keeps the establishment away, and the diplomatic corps stinks. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Aqualagoon's national animal is the Trout, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Food.

Aqualagoon is ranked 26,862^nd in the world and 4^th in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Most Patriotic, with 45.62 flags saluted per person per day.