by Max Barry

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Most Ignorant Citizens: 937thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,249thMost Subsidized Industry: 1,302nd
The Ancient Grove of
Father Knows Best State Suspiciously Conservative Democracy
We Still Enjoy the Sunrise After All these Years
Influence
Sprat
Region
Civil Rights
Below Average
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedom
Few

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Bristlecone Pine

Population10.779 billion

CapitalDroste
LeaderLeader
FaithMethusalism

CurrencyMeta
AnimalClarks Nutcracker

The Ancient Grove of Bristlecone Pine is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Leader with an iron fist, and notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, lack of airports, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 10.779 billion Bristlecone Pineans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Droste. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 90.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Bristlecone Pinean economy, worth a remarkable 1,078 trillion Metas a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector, which is extremely specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 100,019 Metas, with the richest citizens earning 6.4 times as much as the poorest.

It is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven, oracles predict landslide victories for Leader for the next 50 years, metal detectors have been banned after a bottle cap caused a riot at the beach, and you're only as old as you feel. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bristlecone Pine's national animal is the Clarks Nutcracker, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Methusalism.

Bristlecone Pine is ranked 201,933rd in the world and 424th in Forest for Least Corrupt Governments, with 42.97 Percentage Of Bribes Refused.

Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 937thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,249thMost Subsidized Industry: 1,302ndBest Weather: 1,340thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1,526thTop
5%
Largest Black Market: 3,088thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,200thMost Advanced Public Transport: 4,858thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 5,242ndLongest Average Lifespans: 5,516thHealthiest Citizens: 5,786thMost Devout: 5,883rdMost Beautiful Environments: 6,096thMost Corrupt Governments: 7,080thHighest Average Tax Rates: 8,503rdMost Efficient Economies: 9,958thTop
10%
Most Popular Tourist Destinations: 11,175thHighest Economic Output: 15,501stLargest Governments: 16,634thLowest Crime Rates: 19,745th
Top
5%
Most Subsidized Industry: 13th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 16th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 17th in the regionLargest Black Market: 21st in the regionTop
10%
Most Extensive Public Healthcare: 24th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 27th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 32nd in the regionMost Devout: 34th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Bristlecone Pine was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Valuable International Artwork.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, you're only as old as you feel.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, metal detectors have been banned after a bottle cap caused a riot at the beach.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, oracles predict landslide victories for Leader for the next 50 years.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, mountains of VHS tapes of police actions are stacking up in the National Library.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, mathematicians are hated by children across the country.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, the nation has an international reputation for compassion.
  • : Following new legislation in Bristlecone Pine, business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions.
  • : Bristlecone Pine's influence in Forest rose from "Minnow" to "Sprat".

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