The Most Serene Eternal Republic of Calistan is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Da Big Kahuna with an even hand, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, soft-spoken computers, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, humorless population of 22.665 billion Caliwogs are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Astro City. The average income tax rate is 70.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Cali economy, worth a remarkable 2,094 trillion Takoes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 92,400 Takoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Calling dibs is an unalienable right, replacement organs are grown in vats, the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet, and young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery. Crime is totally unknown. Calistan's national animal is the Kiwi, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kahunaism.

Calistan is ranked 4,859^th in the world and 146^th in the South Pacific for Smartest Citizens, with 129.97 quips per hour.