The Most Serene Eternal Republic of Calistan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Da Big Kahuna with an iron fist, and notable for its ban on automobiles, keen interest in outer space, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The compassionate, cynical, humorless population of 18.256 billion Caliwogs are ruled with an iron fist by the socialist government, which grants its people the freedom to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't involve getting richer than anybody else or challenging the government.

The large, liberal government is primarily concerned with Education, although Environment, Healthcare, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Astro City. The average income tax rate is 76.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Cali economy, worth a remarkable 2,139 trillion Takoes a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 117,170 Takoes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads, the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller, it is not politically correct to suspect that a serially convicted burglar might steal again, and couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten. Crime is totally unknown. Calistan's national animal is the Kiwi, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kahunaism.

Calistan is ranked 152,857^th in the world and 5,668^th in the South Pacific for Most Average, scoring 29.57 on the Average Standardized Normality Scale.