by Max Barry

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Most Avoided: 591st Fattest Citizens: 602nd Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 612th
The Please validate me as funny of
Corporate Police State Halliburton
Nugget, Biscuit, Nugget in a Biscuit
President George W Bush
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Lard

Population2.396 billion

CapitalAls Toy Barn
LeaderPresident George W Bush
FaithThe gospel of James Charles

CurrencyThe firstborn son
AnimalJesus of Nazareth

The Please validate me as funny of Captain Lard is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by President George W Bush with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, ubiquitous missile silos, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.396 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Als Toy Barn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.5%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 606 trillion The firstborn sons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 253,141 The firstborn sons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,273,318 per year while the poor average 28,126, a ratio of 45.3 to 1.

Colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation, children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba, and families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus of Nazareth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The gospel of James Charles.

Captain Lard is ranked 4,695th in the world and 2nd in Lardyland for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring 13,782.27 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.

Most Avoided: 591stFattest Citizens: 602ndHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 612thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 759thLargest Retail Industry: 867thMost Armed: 939thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 944thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 945thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,099thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,136thMost Secular: 1,143rdMost Corrupt Governments: 1,424thLargest Mining Sector: 1,463rdTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,051stMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,271stLargest Gambling Industry: 2,357thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,679thHighest Average Incomes: 2,697thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,854thHighest Crime Rates: 3,134thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,717thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,748thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,247thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,312thNudest: 4,461stMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,695thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,642ndMost Conservative: 8,086thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,153rdLargest Black Market: 8,211thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,557thTop
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 8,846thMost Efficient Economies: 10,104thLargest Agricultural Sector: 13,310thLargest Governments: 13,495thMost Extreme: 13,864thMost Pro-Market: 15,405th
Most Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionTop
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 11th in the regionMost Developed: 12th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 13th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14th in the regionLargest Populations: 14th in the region

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