by Max Barry

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Largest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,042nd Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,044th Most Avoided: 1,067th
Corporate Police State Halliburton
Yo this is a hella motto
John the Baptist
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

Captain Lard

Population1.614 billion

CapitalDisney World
LeaderJohn the Baptist
FaithThe Gospel of Ben Shapiro


The PACIFIC SPY of Captain Lard is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by John the Baptist with an iron fist, and notable for its deadly medical pandemics, digital currency, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 1.614 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Disney World. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 16.8%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 354 trillion spittoons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 219,687 spittoons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,139,307 per year while the poor average 22,952, a ratio of 49.6 to 1.

Golden statues of Jesuses line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District, rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons, all screens are equal but some are more equal than others, and the nation's cuisine is the laughing stock of Lardyland. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Gospel of Ben Shapiro.

Captain Lard is ranked 72,748th in the world and 17th in Lardyland for Largest Populations, with 1.61 billion Capita.

Largest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,042ndLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,044thMost Avoided: 1,067thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,073rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,097thFattest Citizens: 1,148thMost Armed: 1,357thMost Secular: 1,583rdLargest Retail Industry: 1,635thTop
Largest Mining Sector: 1,898thMost Corrupt Governments: 2,057thLargest Insurance Industry: 2,137thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,171stLargest Gambling Industry: 2,430thRudest Citizens: 3,845thNudest: 3,965thHighest Average Incomes: 4,148thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 4,249thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 5,107thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 5,545thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 5,595thMost Conservative: 5,858thLargest Black Market: 5,881stLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6,311thMost Scientifically Advanced: 6,515thLargest Information Technology Sector: 6,549thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 6,714thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,414thTop
Most Efficient Economies: 10,562ndLargest Soda Pop Sector: 10,697thMost Extreme: 11,799thMost Subsidized Industry: 11,973rdMost Pro-Market: 12,839thHighest Crime Rates: 13,729th
Largest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionMost Stationary: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionTop
Highest Economic Output: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 3rd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3rd in the regionRudest Citizens: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 5th in the regionMost Developed: 6th in the regionNudest: 7th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 8th in the regionMost Conservative: 8th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 10th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 11th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 12th in the regionLargest Populations: 17th in the region

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