by Max Barry

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Most Valuable International Artwork: 59thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 247thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 367th
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Captain Lard

Population4.85 billion

CapitalOutKast Hey Ya
LeaderOutKast Hey Ya
FaithOutKast Hey Ya

CurrencyOutKast Hey Ya
AnimalOutKast Hey Ya

The Mario of Captain Lard is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by OutKast Hey Ya with an iron fist, and notable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, unlimited-speed roads, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 4.85 billion Captain Lardians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of OutKast Hey Ya. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Lardian economy, worth a remarkable 1,301 trillion OutKast Hey Yas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 268,358 OutKast Hey Yas, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,471,179 per year while the poor average 2,959, a ratio of 835 to 1.

Citizens are deployed to barren deserts to protect small territorial claims, Captain Lardians wonder "if a tree falls in the woods with no credible witnesses, who wants to know?", OutKast Hey Ya's recent "I have a dream that we will fight them by raking muck on the beaches" speech seems a little derivative to many, and the might of the entire Captain Lardian Navy is focused on fifty bemused spear-throwing islanders. Crime is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the OutKast Hey Ya, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is OutKast Hey Ya.

Captain Lard is ranked 190,725th in the world and 106th in Lardyland for Most Average, scoring 26.13 on the Average Standardized Normality Scale.

Most Valuable International Artwork: 59thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 247thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 367thFattest Citizens: 498thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 511thMost Avoided: 566thLargest Retail Industry: 854thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 880thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1,006thMost Secular: 1,010thMost Armed: 1,019thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,075thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,168thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,353rdRudest Citizens: 1,471stLargest Mining Sector: 1,623rdLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1,953rdMost Efficient Economies: 2,192ndTop
Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 2,450thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,536thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,614thHighest Average Incomes: 2,769thHighest Crime Rates: 3,224thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,482ndLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4,034thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,099thLargest Agricultural Sector: 4,144thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,394thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,689thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,734thNudest: 5,921stLargest Black Market: 7,354thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,499thLargest Governments: 11,598thTop
Highest Economic Output: 12,207thSmartest Citizens: 16,110thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 20,856thMost Pro-Market: 22,894th
Most Armed: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 2nd in the regionNudest: 3rd in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Governments: 4th in the regionLargest Populations: 5th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 5th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 6th in the regionMost Influential: 8th in the regionTop
Most Developed: 12th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 12th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14th in the region

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