by Max Barry

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Most Valuable International Artwork: 12thLargest Gambling Industry: 615thMost Efficient Economies: 704th
The Substitutiary Locomotion of
Compulsory Consumerist State Consumerist Wage Drones
Skin on skin, let the love begin
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Captain Woodhouse

Population20.369 billion

CapitalThe Valley of Ashes
LeaderT J Eckleburg

AnimalDeath's-head hawkmoth

The Substitutiary Locomotion of Captain Woodhouse is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by T J Eckleburg with an iron fist, and renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, keen interest in outer space, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 20.369 billion Captain Woodhouseans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Valley of Ashes. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 3.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Woodhousean economy, worth a remarkable 5,182 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 254,407 $$s, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 759,814 per year while the poor average 66,660, a ratio of 11.4 to 1.

An IT mega-corporation has a patent pending on the rectangle, the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country, supermarket milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets, and the nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Woodhouse's national animal is the Death's-head hawkmoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Aubrey-Maturinism.

Captain Woodhouse is ranked 748th in the world and 1st in BLITZKRIEG for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring 11,812.3 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Most Valuable International Artwork: 12thLargest Gambling Industry: 615thMost Efficient Economies: 704thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 748thLargest Retail Industry: 999thMost Armed: 1,001stHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,030thHighest Crime Rates: 1,055thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,209thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,222ndFattest Citizens: 1,350thMost Subsidized Industry: 1,857thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1,913thMost Avoided: 1,935thHighest Economic Output: 1,953rdHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2,121stTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,789thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,056thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 3,123rdHighest Average Incomes: 3,331stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 3,936thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,305thLargest Publishing Industry: 4,826thMost Cultured: 5,019thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 5,853rdMost Advanced Defense Forces: 5,944thLargest Mining Sector: 6,441stMost Secular: 6,686thMost Scientifically Advanced: 7,208thLargest Populations: 7,374thLargest Agricultural Sector: 8,857thLargest Governments: 11,771stTop
Largest Black Market: 13,918thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 15,560thLargest Insurance Industry: 15,987thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 17,451stLargest Information Technology Sector: 17,468thMost Influential: 17,512thMost Pro-Market: 19,808thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 21,470thSmartest Citizens: 21,470thHighest Drug Use: 23,795th
Largest Soda Pop Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionHighest Drug Use: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionTop
Most Pro-Market: 2nd in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Cultured: 2nd in the region

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