The Republic of Cesmolia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, ubiquitous missile silos, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 20.833 billion Cesmolians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order and Spirituality also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Malvon. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 12.9%.

The strong Cesmolian economy, worth a remarkable 1,542 trillion cesmols a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Furniture Restoration, Information Technology, and Pizza Delivery. Average income is 74,034 cesmols, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 524,948 per year while the poor average 3,480, a ratio of 150 to 1.

The nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan, "To Hell or to Marshland" is a common settler cry directed at native Brasilistanis, army rations are served on silver platters, and all major public areas are watched by police surveillance cameras. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Cesmolia's national animal is the bald eagle, which can occasionally be seen dodging aircraft in the nation's cities.

Cesmolia is ranked 256,169^th in the world and 75^th in Union of Free Nations for Lowest Crime Rates, with 48.7 law-abiding acts per hour.