The Corporate Republic of Cheesecakeastan is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by President Thomas de Reptar with a fair hand, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, daily referendums, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 11.481 billion Cheesecakeastanians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cheesecakeopia. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Cheesecakeastanian economy, worth a remarkable 2,486 trillion Cakians a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 216,558 Cakians, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 676,999 per year while the poor average 53,152, a ratio of 12.7 to 1.

Violently opinionated speakers can be heard preaching their hateful views on every street corner, signs saying "No Poor People or Weirdoes" are common outside shops and cafés, patriotic citizens chant "there's only one Cheesecakeastan" at foreigners, and lawyers spend as much time preparing their make-up as they do their briefs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Cheesecakeastan's national animal is the Golden Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Cheesecakeastan is ranked 81,621^st in the world and 7^th in Ascenthia for Most Stationary, with 110.89418597212 Days.