The Kingdom of Crotchia is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Viktor Royalim I with an even hand, and notable for its irreverence towards religion, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate population of 3.763 billion Crotchians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kroland. The average income tax rate is 45.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Crotchian economy, worth 305 trillion SUSS Zlatniks a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Basket Weaving, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 81,181 SUSS Zlatniks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Remote-control hang-gliding scarecrows patrol the skies to keep songbirds from leaving the nation's borders, sometimes a single pallbearer is all you need, stale 'yo mamma' insults have been replaced by 'your maternal DNA' insults, and children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crotchia's national animal is the Nikocado Avocado, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Orthodox Christianity.

Crotchia is ranked 54,959^th in the world and 1^st in Slavic Union of Sovereign States for Lowest Crime Rates, with 72.9 law-abiding acts per hour.