The Barnes-Free Conglomerate of Ewing Oil Co is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by John Ross Ewing Jr with an iron fist, and notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, sprawling nuclear power plants, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 24.209 billion Oilers are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dallas. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Oiler economy, worth an astonishing 19,523 trillion Petrodollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Gambling. Average income is a breathtaking 806,450 Petrodollars, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 4,128,945 per year while the poor average 86,485, a ratio of 47.7 to 1.

Bruised children are made to thank their bullies for the valuable life lessons, teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers, wealthy pranksters dump refuse on unsuspecting citizens from up high, and rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Ewing Oil Co's national animal is the Budweiser Ferret, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Holy Capitalism.

Ewing Oil Co is ranked 29,806^th in the world and 51^st in Texas for Highest Drug Use, scoring 93.4 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.