The United Socialist States of Kholdan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Zghuk Whitescull with an even hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, frequent executions, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 15.059 billion Kholdanians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it prioritizes Law & Order, although Welfare, Defense, and Industry are also considered important, while Administration receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kholdan City. The average income tax rate is 95.5%.

The very strong Kholdanian economy, worth a remarkable 1,271 trillion Marks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Information Technology industry. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is 84,403 Marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience, the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands, for the sake of 'public interest' news programs tell viewers how to home-make Sarin gas bombs, and scientists are researching the best way to kill off humanity to prevent catastrophic war. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kholdan's national animal is the Osprey, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Gallifreyan mysticism.

Kholdan is ranked 809^th in the world and 23^rd in the South Pacific for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 12,548.06 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.