The Thema of Longobardia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, notable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, parental licensing program, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 21.687 billion Longobardians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bari. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 70.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Longobardian economy, worth a remarkable 2,656 trillion Lire a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Soda Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 122,478 Lire, with the richest citizens earning 6.7 times as much as the poorest.

Murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows, sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park, citizens are constantly disappointed to find their nuisance neighbours are still alive, and weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Longobardia's national animal is the Bee, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Longobardia is ranked 44,887^th in the world and 2,748^th in Osiris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 75.8 law-abiding acts per hour.