The Space Pirate Empire of New Briantown is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Brian with an even hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, anti-smoking policies, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, cheerful population of 7.801 billion New Briantownians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Briantown. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 54.5%.

The frighteningly efficient New Briantownian economy, worth a remarkable 2,723 trillion Briantown bucks a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 349,185 Briantown bucks, with the richest citizens earning 5.5 times as much as the poorest.

Signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles, the comic book series 'Brian and the Villainous Corporate Cronies' is a best-seller, pop sensation "Jack and the Holograms" is storming the charts, and in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. New Briantown's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Brianism.

New Briantown is ranked 24,767^th in the world and 484^th in the South Pacific for Most Stationary, with 633.96732342732 Days.