The Armed Republic of Paleocacher is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by President Fulkerson with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 26.305 billion Paleocacherians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gardena. The average income tax rate is 63.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Paleocacherian economy, worth a remarkable 5,803 trillion Selkies a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 220,625 Selkies, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Convicts released after being found "wrongfully imprisoned" are surprisingly chill about the whole thing, people who have had childhood imaginary friends are told they can't ever be trusted with guns, stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence, and the jails are alive with the sound of birdsong. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Paleocacher's national animal is the Red Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Paleocacher is ranked 3,751^st in the world and 10^th in The League for Lowest Crime Rates, with 123.92 law-abiding acts per hour.