The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, avowedly heterosexual populace, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 17.213 billion Patrick are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 97.1%.

The all-consuming Patrick economy, worth a remarkable 4,509 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 261,960 Patricks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Single celebrities have to repeatedly prove their chastity to avoid being married off to infatuated fans, laughter while watching foreign diplomats disrobe tends to make diplomatic talks counterproductive, burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime, and foreign lack of enthusiasm for Patrick nose-flute disco metal is seen as a reasonable casus belli. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 3,938^th in the world and 6^th in Texas for Lowest Crime Rates, with 122.57 law-abiding acts per hour.