The Socialist Republic of Portinabia is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Zdzisława Kopernik with an even hand, and notable for its infamous sell-swords, pith helmet sales, and frequent executions. The compassionate population of 8.403 billion Portinabians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Galizeland. The average income tax rate is 73.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Portinabian economy, worth 618 trillion Panameroes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 73,549 Panameroes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Jail house rock has been replaced with jail house golden oldies, funeral mourners ridesharing with the deceased are encouraged to sit on the coffin to save room, the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly, and gossip magazines have pictures of Zdzisława Kopernik sunbathing on the beach with political rivals. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Portinabia's national animal is the White-Eyed Octopus, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Portinabia is ranked 36,780^th in the world and 22^nd in Alcris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 79.11 law-abiding acts per hour.