The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 38 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Noah with an iron fist, and notable for its strictly enforced bedtime, smutty television, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.735 billion Second Best Puppet 38ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 88.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 38ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,082 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Woodchip Exports industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 160,660 cards, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 539,208 per year while the poor average 35,524, a ratio of 15.2 to 1.

Adults pretending to be teenage girls claim to have wholesome motives, teddy bear James Dean (aka "the Rebel Without the Claws") helps convince kids that candy cigarettes are cool, several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation, and banana distribution among collective farm workers is an important topic in public discourse. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 38's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Second Best Puppet 38 is ranked 15,118^th in the world and 722^nd in Two for Lowest Crime Rates, with 94.07 law-abiding acts per hour.