The Holy Empire of Suomi Lumi Vuori is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Maitiu O'Uigin with an iron fist, and notable for its deadly medical pandemics, smutty television, and complete lack of public education. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 22.835 billion Suomi Lumi Vuorians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The minute, corrupt government, or what there is of one, is dominated by the Department of Defense, although Law & Order and Healthcare are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jään Susi. The average income tax rate is 1.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Suomi Lumi Vuorian economy, worth a remarkable 3,837 trillion Dubloons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, and Information Technology. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 168,047 Dubloons, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Little League matches are often attended by riot police with water cannon... just in case, Suomi Lumi Vuori recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace, weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them, and airport users are more worried about radiation than terrorism. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Suomi Lumi Vuori's national animal is the Arctic Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Väkevä Kevyt.

Suomi Lumi Vuori is ranked 100,360^th in the world and 1,599^th in the Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 65.81 law-abiding acts per hour.