The Flagon of Tawny Port is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Taylor Fladgate with an even hand, and renowned for its smutty television, rampant corporate plagiarism, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate population of 35.713 billion Tawny Porters are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Colheita Port. The average income tax rate is 93.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tawny Portian economy, worth a remarkable 5,195 trillion Deposit Bottles a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Furniture Restoration, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 145,466 Deposit Bottles, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus, machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter, no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police, and international humanitarian organisations are applauding the government for ending the death penalty. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tawny Port's national animal is the cheese weasel, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Reformed Chivalry.

Tawny Port is ranked 17,664^th in the world and 3^rd in The Hill for Lowest Crime Rates, with 91.69 law-abiding acts per hour.