by Max Barry

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Most Influential: 1,409thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,402ndLowest Crime Rates: 4,782nd
The Dictatorship of
Psychotic Dictatorship Fascist Dictatorship
Government Knows Best!
Tsar Clouseau
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population12.723 billion

LeaderTsar Clouseau
FaithPink Panther-ism


The Dictatorship of Tessau is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Tsar Clouseau with an iron fist, and notable for its museums and concert halls, ban on automobiles, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 12.723 billion Pencil-Pushers are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dresden. The average income tax rate is 94.5%.

The large but underdeveloped Tessauan economy, worth 575 trillion Silvers a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Information Technology, and Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is 45,246 Silvers, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers, courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant Pencil-Pushers, healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease, and Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Tessau as a reminder of their "special relationship". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tessau's national animal is the Ghost, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pink Panther-ism.

Tessau is ranked 180,563rd in the world and 7,995th in The North Pacific for Most Politically Free, scoring 14.86 on the Diebold Election Inking Scale.

Most Influential: 1,409thTop
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,402ndLowest Crime Rates: 4,782ndHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,086thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 5,238thMost Corrupt Governments: 6,871stMost Beautiful Environments: 7,503rdBest Weather: 8,610thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 8,681stLargest Governments: 10,262ndTop
Healthiest Citizens: 10,493rdMost Authoritarian: 10,685thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 10,993rdLongest Average Lifespans: 15,207thLargest Black Market: 17,341stLargest Populations: 18,996thSafest: 19,082nd
Highest Foreign Aid Spending: 182nd in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 186th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 234th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 235th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 321st in the regionLargest Populations: 350th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 399th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 406th in the regionTop
Best Weather: 478th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 480th in the regionLargest Governments: 509th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 574th in the regionMost Influential: 577th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 580th in the regionLargest Black Market: 590th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 826th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


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