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Articles of Entitlement
The purpose of this document is to establish basic rights for all citizens and aliens currently residing in the sandy lands of The Litterbox.
Title 1: The Right to Life
All humans from conception to death have a right to live.
Interpretative notes: Life is precious! Both as a right and as a sentence. Capital punishment is forbidden, however corporal punishment is admissible.
Title 2: The Right to Fair TrialCitizens have a right to a fair trial. Attorneys are state provided at no cost. A trial by peers may be requested. Sentences are proportional to the severity of the crime.
Interpretive notes: Justice is crucial! We prefer an eye for an eye approach to criminal activity. Examples: Jaywalkers may be forced to wear rainbow reflective gear in public to alert drivers.
Meanwhile, murderers might be chained to a wall, sliced multiple times with a cheese grater and flail helplessly while the surviving family members take turns rubbing salt in their wounds for eternity.
Title 3: The Right to Personal SabotageThe Litterbox is not a Nanny State.
Interpretive notes: Freedom is cherished! The Litterbox cannot keep you safe from yourself. Drink the whiskey. Smoke the weed. Marry your sister. It isn't until your choices harm others that the Litterbox will intervene.
Title 4: The Right to Economic ParticipationCitizens have the right to private industry.
Interpretive notes: Progress is endless! All citizens and aliens with economic interest have the right to pursue it. The Litterbox does not punish bad ideas we just don't fund them. If there is a market for your business, there is freedom to sell it. *So long as no other titles are violated
Title 5: The Right to ReformAll citizens and legal aliens have the right to vote and run for public office.
Interpretive notes: Democracy is vital! All citizens and legal aliens have a right to vote regardless of age, sex, race, criminal record, mental health status or fashion sense. Citizens and legal aliens may also run for office. Protests are also legal. *So long as no other Titles are violated. We might even listen to you.
Title 6: The Right to UnityAll life has a right to marriage.
Interpretive notes: Companionship is the foundation of life! Love comes in many forms. All citizens, aliens, or warm bodies squatting in the Litterbox have a right to bond with one another.
The Litterbox values life and freedom. And tootsie rolls. We encourage all citizens to participate economically, politically, and in the bedroom. Work, grow, and embrace life!
