The Soviet Kingdom of The Narwhalian Republic of the North is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Arkenian Narsonal Nihil with an iron fist, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, otherworldly petting zoo, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 4.617 billion catulae are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Novyy Weblergrad. The average income tax rate is 96.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Narwhalian economy, worth 739 trillion uraninite Narwin Rubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 160,124 uraninite Narwin Rubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Phone taps are frequently carried out by the police, the government has started a campaign to crack down on road rage and encourage alternate means of commuting, a cat may look at a king and a dude can look at an ass, and citizens can only enjoy the splendor of the natural world in designated 'Majesty Appreciation' zones. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Narwhalian Republic of the North's national animal is the Narwhal, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Secret Narsonals of Narwhalia.

The Narwhalian Republic of the North is ranked 153,310^th in the world and 127^th in The United Federations for Most Average, scoring 29.46 on the Average Standardized Normality Scale.