by Max Barry

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Most Valuable International Artwork: 39thLargest Welfare Programs: 156thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 183rd
The Unified Missourtama States of
Authoritarian Democracy Mouth-Breathing Creationists
In [violet] we trust
World Assembly Minister
Civil Rights
Political Freedom

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The Unified Missourtama States

Population3.889 billion



The Unified Missourtama States of The Unified Missourtama States is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by TUMS with an even hand, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, complete lack of prisons, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, humorless population of 3.889 billion Missourtaman are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Furbel. The average income tax rate is 99.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Missourtaman economy, worth 566 trillion souls a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. Average income is an impressive 145,583 souls, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

People can't decide between preserving forests and buying print copies of 'Dogman Versus The Giggler', all marriages are arranged by the government, exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end, and Missourtaman struggle to cut tofu steak with a spoon. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Unified Missourtama States's national animal is the fish, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Violetism.

The Unified Missourtama States is ranked 238,145th in the world and 163rd in South Pacific for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring -17.72 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Most Valuable International Artwork: 39thLargest Welfare Programs: 156thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 183rdHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 206thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 456thBest Weather: 467thMost Pacifist: 577thMost Compassionate Citizens: 759thMost Advanced Public Education: 870thLongest Average Lifespans: 871stMost Beautiful Environments: 916thMost Secular: 916thMost Inclusive: 956thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 1,055thNicest Citizens: 1,080thHealthiest Citizens: 1,191stHighest Average Tax Rates: 1,202ndLowest Crime Rates: 1,664thMost Developed: 1,941stLargest Governments: 2,028thTop
Most Advanced Public Transport: 3,101stSafest: 3,102ndHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 3,964thHighest Poor Incomes: 5,217thSmartest Citizens: 6,727thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 8,496thMost Income Equality: 8,756thLeast Corrupt Governments: 8,783rdMost Influential: 10,588thTop
Most Subsidized Industry: 13,156thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 15,103rdHighest Average Incomes: 15,246thMost Efficient Economies: 16,113thMost Authoritarian: 23,864th
Most Extensive Public Healthcare: 1st in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 1st in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 1st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 1st in the regionMost Pacifist: 1st in the regionBest Weather: 1st in the regionTop
Most Advanced Public Education: 2nd in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 2nd in the regionMost Inclusive: 2nd in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 3rd in the regionMost Compassionate Citizens: 3rd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 3rd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 3rd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 3rd in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 4th in the regionSafest: 4th in the regionMost Developed: 4th in the regionNicest Citizens: 4th in the regionLargest Governments: 5th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 6th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 8th in the regionTop
Highest Poor Incomes: 9th in the regionHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 10th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 12th in the regionMost Income Equality: 13th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 14th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 15th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 16th in the region

National Happenings

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