Maxmas Story

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Universal Dream Network,
Not a nation was stirring, not even a monarch (eh, half-rhyme);
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Max soon would be there...

Stench of Youth

There's a hit out on St. Max.
This was told to me in a dream by my dead grandmother:
"They want to ruin Maxmas.
Beware the poison of snakes
Beware the poison of Norwegian crazies with three eyes
Who want to ruin Maxmas."

Three Eyed Norwegian

Maxmas is evil
Death to St Max the sinner,
No presents this year.

Lord Snake

Twas the night before Maxmas
When snakes slithered about
Looking for someone to bite, anyone,
Could be St Max, or some 3-eyed creep.
Couldn’t care less which one.

Stench of Youth

There's a hit out on St Max.
My dead grandmother rallies the forces
That can save Maxmas.
There's an antidote to the poison of snakes and crazies;
Can we provide it in time?

Three Eyed Norwegian

Niceness? No drama.
Three Eyed Norwegians will pray
For that sinner's death.

St Max is not safe,
No sinner is safe from me.
They're all going to die.

Snakes are sinful too
But if they can kill St Max
They'll get a pardon.

Lord Snake

'Twas the night before Maxmas
Snakes are about to strike
They will bite St Max and he will be dead
And there will be no Maxmas ths year
Bite St Max! Kill! Kill!

Stench of Youth

St Max has been stung.
My dead grandmother sucks the poison out
From beyond the grave,
The citizens applaud as St Max gets up on his feet
And smites the snake with a stick.

Three Eyed Norwegian

The story can't end
In a "happy" way just yet,
That would be boring.

It is I who smite,
Not some saint no one's heard of,
So I smite St Max!

Loonies jump in prayer
Flailing their arms, rolling eyes
For St Max is dead.

For Gran to fix this
She would have to kill us all
And we don't want that!

My Dead Granny

Listen to me you three-eyed whippersnapper, if you are a tin god as you pretend then young man you will restore that saintly man to life and you will do it NOW, otherwise you will go to your room and stay there, do you understand me? In my day there was only one god and even he was going out of fashion. As soon as you apologise and bring the saint back to life you can have a nice piece of that cake I just baked, but not before!

Three Eyed Norwegian

You cannot make me
Restore the fake saint to life
You withered old crone!

Oops, look at those eyes,
Scary granny eyes that sear
Into heart and soul.

Stop! Stop! I give up!
I'll bring St Max back to life
But don't look at me

With those granny eyes.
Give me a piece of cake, though.
Anything to drink?

My Dead Granny

I am going back to being dead, but I'll be watching every move, so behave. As my own grandmother. used to say, if you want a better story, write it yourself, but here we are full of Maxmas cheer, the three-eyed Scandinavian loonies and poisonous snakes banished from the land and we are happy happy happy, right? Nod your heads and smile and I'll give you more cake.

That's our Maxmas story. Thanks for taking part.

DeSpencers Ghost, 16 December 2019