by Max Barry

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by The United Federation of Grand Toastlandia. . 4 reads.

Reasons to NOT travel to Toastlandia

[b]Toastlandia is a pit of hate and war. Here’s why you should not go to this place.[/b]

[b]1[/b]: Toastlandia is authoritarian to a new level.

Toastlandia is known for its authoritarianism. The NS page says it has good civil rights. LIES! ALL LIES! Toastlandia is the NORTH KOREA of the North Pacific! The police are known ACROSS THE LAND for their brutality! They will beat you down and gun you down with a 9mm for the smallest reasons! They call themselves a republic, but really they are just a psychotic dictatorship!  

[b]2[/b]: Horrible Food and Drink.

Toastlandia is known for below average food. It tastes like crap! I mean, have you heard about the “Corncups?” They come from that place they call Otonus, and all of them are idiots! Corn paste loaded with sugar! Who would think that would taste good?! Not to mention the detestable meat and vegetable products. I bet the government is putting stuff in there.

[b]3[/b]: The war on Extremism

Disregarding the “Democratic” Toastlandian government, and the toxic food, Toastlandia has civil crises on its hands. Going through a war, they are attempting to take back land from the so called “Technocratic Union.” Along with that, a recent terrorist bombing in the Federalius Park left many feeling scared. Don’t take the risk, and wait until the war is over. Even then, still don’t go there.

[b]4[/b]: the people are toxic

They say the people of Toastlandia are some of the nicest in the North Pacific. Especially in this place called “Idencon.” Well in Idencon, people are the WORST of Toastlandia! They throw rocks at you! They say it’s nice, but it’s just more government propaganda!

Overall, Toastlandia is a horrible place. Do not go there, for any reason.