An unprecedented spectacle unfolded yesterday when Minister of Energy Don Lamancha was attending a conference on alternate energy resources. Lamancha is reported to have attacked a wind turbine with an improvised spear, all the time shouting loudly that it was trying to kill him. It turns out that the minister was suffering from schizophrenia, which he had not previously disclosed for fear of losing his job.

Option 1: “My behaviour was completely uncalled for,” apologizes Lamancha. “My medication timings were a little mixed up by all the travelling, and I genuinely believed for a moment that the wind turbine was a giant. I assure you, I am still capable of doing my job, and it would be a good thing for this country if you were to show some kindness here. No-one should be discriminated against because of mental illness.”

Option 2: “He must stand down!” grandiosely demands your Secretary of State Sigmund Narcissus, stepping directly in front of the Energy Minister with clear intent to exclude the man. “It’s fine for mentally weak people to participate in low-level jobs like pizza delivery or drink-bottling, but they have no business being in government. Imagine the danger that we would face if we left cruise missile launch codes with a psychotic individual! Politicians with mental disorders must be given the sack.”

Option 3: “That doesn’t go far enough!” screams your National Security Advisor, who appears to be wearing a highly-reflective helmet. “How can we be sure that people with mental disorders won’t poison our food or sabotage our infrastructure in a fit of madness? We must bar them completely from all forms of employment. That way-” He stops abruptly and glares suspiciously at a nearby television. “Can we adjourn to another room? I think we’re being spied on.”

Enthusiastic sports fans have been petitioning the government all week to apply for the much-coveted honour of hosting the next Regional Olympics. While most citizens are excited at the prospect of a the Rejected Realms-wide competition in their own country, some have expressed reservations about the enormous expense hosting would incur.

Option 1: “WAHAAAAY!” screams Jenna Chew, captain of The Unicornian Isles City’s premier division ballroom dancing team. “Finally, a chance to show the world exactly how great I am! Everybody’s always complaining that The Unicornian Isles never does well in sports and you know why? It’s because we’re never in front of the home crowd, that’s why! We’re going to need a great big stadium! No! TWO stadiums! WHOOP! OL-YM-PICS! OL-YM-PICS!”

Option 2: “Oh great,” mutters Montgomery Jamieson, spokesperson for the Angry Taxpayer Society. “That’s all we need, more things to pour money into for no obvious reason. Surely it would be easier to just let another country host the Olympics and keep the cash? Then maybe it could go to something useful, like, I don’t know... my wallet?”

Option 3: “We’d be missing an amazing opportunity if we pass this up,” says Sun Powell, your Minister of Sports. “But we’ve got to be in it to win! Simply building new stadia won’t be enough, we need to be funding new sports centres and hiring the best coaches for our entrants! You could put more money into public facilities too, like gyms or something. Also, a little something from the government to show our appreciation to the athletes that bring home gold wouldn’t go amiss. Then no one can accuse you of wasting everyone’s tax kronor!”

Option 4: “There’s nothing like a feat of strength to please the dull-witted masses, is there?” sighs Beverly Wiener, flipping through ‘One Hundred Gambits for Advanced Go Players’. “It’s so boring. Why can’t more intellectual pursuits be given the spotlight, like chess or debating matches? Ban organised sports and make our dreams come true! I think you’ll find it comes at a far lower price than the populist Olympics ever will.”

A Unicornian Islesian cruise ship ran aground last week in the treacherous waters off the southern coast. The captain, Ryan Rikkard, had infamy bestowed upon him after it was found that he abandoned ship before all of the passengers on board safely made it off, defying centuries of maritime tradition.

Option 1: “Twenty people drowned in that accident, and that scum-bag decided his life was more important?” rhetorically asks Al Zahm, one of the surviving passengers of the ship, still visibly shaken by what had occurred. “Ship captains should always see to it that everyone on board gets off safely before they do – after all, they can’t direct the rescue effort if they aren’t on the actual ship! If they don’t, we must punish these cowards to the fullest extent of the law!”

Option 2: “Let’s not be too hasty about assigning blame here!” counters Captain Rikkard, who’s remarkably shorter and skinnier than you expected him to be. “I’m just as traumatized as anyone else. I was actually helping coordinate the rescue operation, albeit from the safety of land. It’s not my duty to add to the death toll, is it?”

Option 3: “That captain is nothing but a lily-livered land-lubber!” scoffs Rear Admiral Farnsworth. “When The Unicornian Isles first took to the seas, the ship’s captain was obliged to go down with the ship, even if they were within spitting distance of the shore! It was the honourable thing to do back then. We should return to our maritime traditions and any captain that doesn’t like it should be given a good ol’ keel-hauling!”

Rumors tell that the Order of Violet has infiltrated schools in The Unicornian Isles to brainwash the youngest generations. Fears of Violetist takeover have prompted all other faiths to unite for the first time ever.

Option 1: “Preposterous!” dismisses Steve Barber, the head of the The Unicornian Isles City District School Board, while hiding an Order of Violet signet ring. “Our schools are performing well, and the children are merely learning to understand different points of view. The only hatred I see is from the hypocrites and paranoid kooks who have no problems forcing their values on our innocent children.”

Option 2:“Terrorists! Terrorists everywhere!” shouts Attila Goldsmith, a controversial and xenophobic politician, who inevitably tries to win every debate by claiming all opposing views equate to supporting terrorism. “Screen all teachers, headmasters, and aides for possible Violetist ties. Force the schools to adopt an unapologetic pro-Unicornian Islesian curriculum. We all know these Violetists hate everything The Unicornian Isles stands for! Anyone who disagrees is a terrorist-sympathizing, Violetist-loving traitor!”

Option 3:“That doesn’t go far enough,” claims the leader of The Tranquility of Yellow, an ancient religion that has a just-as-ancient feud with Violetism. “These heretics have been a danger ever since the Grand Schism, and they must be dealt with accordingly. I suggest we start up an inquisition. My people will find these Violetists, and see if they can be converted to our true religion or renounce their faith. Whichever one the government prefers. We’re not picky. If not... the stake. BURN THEM ALL! Or hang them. Just get rid of those creepy Violetists, okay?”

Option 4:“What are we? Barbarians?” queries popular agnostic speaker Fanny Morgan, whose personal motto is ‘Question Everything’. “I don’t see anything wrong with teaching Violetism. Not every Violetist is some crazed wacko, you know. However, schools should teach all different faiths, including non-belief, in a neutral and understanding way in the interest of fairness. If we want to eliminate hatred, the schools are a good place to start.”

The solution is: Style and structure are the essence of a book; great ideas are hogwash.

The Spymasters take turns giving clues that would help their team guess the words they have to in order to win. Clues must be 1 word and not contain any of the words on the board. Clues will also say how many words the clue is for. For example a Spymaster might give the clue Water 2, if its team needs to guess Lake and River on the board. The Spymaster's team, must take at least one guess per round but if it doesn't feel sure about the other words for the clue it can pass the rest of its turn to the next team. If a team guesses as many of their words as the Spymaster numbers in the clue, then that team earns a bonus guess if they so choose. There is no number limit you can give in your clue. First team to guess all its words without uncovering the assassin wins the game.