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DispatchBulletinCampaign

by Saint songbird. . 101 reads.

Chipmunker for MP!

Chipmunker for MP!

Introductions!

Hello world!!! It is I, Chipmunker, Saint songbird, Titanne, your friendly neighborhood unicorn, back again to run for the House! For those of you that don't know me, it's a pleasure meeting you here in this fabulously sparkly factbook, wouldn't you say? For those of you that do, please hold your applause (or jeers) until the end. Anyways, here's a little bit about me: I joined NationStates and Thaecia two years ago and ever since then, I've been working to improve the region for everyone, one glitter-bomb at a time. The highlights of my service include a term as President, a term as Culture Minister, a long career in the Senate and also Education Minister (where I totally didn't infect all of you with unicorn and donut propaganda). But that's only the NS me. In real life, I enjoy good movies, specifically Marvel ones, playing Xbox with my friends, and running. I also like eating. A lot. Don't worry though, I'm just as fabulous IRL!

Why Am I Running?

To provide unicorns for everyone and open up a donut petting zoo! Whoops, I think I got that backwards. To provide donuts for everyone and open up a unicorn petting zoo. There we go. Really though, I love Thaecia and I'd love to continue serving it (even if just for two weeks) to help improve it and make it a better and more dazzling place for everyone. I promise that if you elect me to be your unicorn in congress, I'll debate on every bill, vote in every vote, and make sure I do so with the best interests of Thaecia in mind. This place is important to me, it's like a home, and I'd really like to serve her well, and the House is a great place to do that, where we so desparately need calm, stable, and experienced leadership in the face of inactive or unqualified members.

What Will I Do If Elected?

As I said before, I will make sure I attend every debate and every vote in the most fabulous fashion possible, giving you the voice you so clearly deserve in Congress but the voice you've been cheated of when you elected inactive MPs. I will continue to push for House reduction and make sure to propose amendments to the bills that come before me so that they are as legally sound and useful as they can possibly be. As MP, I will also work to cut out and cut down on useless bills, amendments, and poorly written laws so that the House and our law registry are as efficient and sound as possible. Here's a list of other things I'll support.

-Opening up a unicorn petting zoo for all to enjoy!
-Providing donuts to all Thaecian citizens every Friday!
-Finally banning that wretched Andusre from the region! #BanDusre!
-I will impeach Xernon, too! That evil ex-president!
-Open up embassies with Auctoritan Commonwealth! They're our natural allies!
-Unban TRP! Come on now, it's been a year and half! I'm suureeee they've changed!
-Reconcile with Enadia and the Assembly of Regions! It's about damn time!
-Close embassies with TRR, TEP, and XKI! We don't need them!
-Glitter-fy the Thaecian capitol and coat it in rainbow sparkles! Show the world how fabulous we are!
-Conspire with the Gay Cookie PAC to rig all elections and implement our draconian agenda!
-Mandate that every Thaecian pays double the taxes to me so that I can distribute it to my fellow unicorn friends!
-Yogurt! Viscosity! Now! I see you Rhyssuan peoples! Keep on fighting the good fight!
-Work with the current president Xernon to close down Islonia's wicked WA center!
-Ban Titanne! He's pretending to be me and I don't like it!
-Remove all restrictions from the military so that Brototh can finally become our dictator!
-Steal Chick-Fil-A's recipe so I can eat good chicken sandwiches without feeling guilty!
-Engage in espionage with our allies in Karma!
-Lock Hulldom in Brototh's closet! I don't know how he got out!
-Mandate that Dendrobium gets no sleep so we can all enjoy their typos when they're tired!
-Ban all people from Pennsylvania from the region. The state is mean to me and it's not funny anymore.
-Install Snowflame as forever-speaker so that he forever controls the words we say!
-Pass the Brototh Gender Reveal Act of 2021 and finally find out who's behind that tag!
-Petition NS Mods to revive King of lisseum and retake the (un)holy land for Cerdenia!
-No more New Jersey! Sorry The marconian state, but it had to be done.
-Implement a law mandating that we follow in the tradition of ruining UCR Con for ourselves!
-Attempt to infiltrate TSP's WA voting in the same way our role model Snowflame did!
-Forcibly take over NSToday so we can put Korsinia in all of the Power20 spots!
-Rejoin the Regions Assembly, then leave the Assembly of Regions, gosh darn it!
-SPARKLE KITTIES FOR EVERYONE!!!
-Bring Thaecia under the influence of Kyorgia and the Kyosson family!

What Do I Think Of The Other Candidates?

Marvinville - OMG I LOVE MARV SO MUCH HE'S ONE OF MY BBs!
Dykataar - Meh.

No, really, though. Marv is awesome and he'll be a great MP if elected, superbly qualified and wicked smart. Dykataar seems cool enough, and enthusiastic and involved, so I think he'd be a good MP too. May the best Shiba/Person/Unicorn-Chipmunk Creature win, my fellow candidates!

Endorsements!

No.

The End!

Wait, what, it can't be the end yet! It feels like we started on this long, sparkly, journey of a dispatch just such a short while ago! Huh, well, I guess the better a thing is, the sooner it must come to an end. Anyways, there you have it, Thaecia. I'm running for Congress (Yes, again, and seriously this time! I've purged the Trumpist parodies from my head!) I hope I've laid out a persuasive case for you to vote for me, I mean, I'd really love it if you would! What's not to like! Sparkles, unicorns, donuts, banning Andusre... oh and also all that actual serious policy stuff, like carefully considering bills and voting and debating every time I can. That stuff is important too, I guess. So. Here we are. At the end of yet another Titanne/Chipmunker/Saint Songbird campaign dispatch. The first serious one that I'll hopefully make it through in... well, a year at this point. Let's make sure we have a high turnout election and get people engaged in our democracy again. Let's make sure we put competent and capable legislators in the House. Let's make sure we put a unicorn in the house! Me!

Saint songbird

Edited:

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