by Max Barry

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by The Swinging Jungle of Baloo Kingdom. . 44 reads.

How To Be Like Baloo Kingdom In 10 Easy Steps

Hello user, and welcome on your journey to becoming me! I’m Joseph, the dude behind Baloo Kingdom. I think the first thing you need to do is master the refined art of

Not Taking Yourself Too Seriously

In order to truly Not Take Yourself Too Seriously you need to realize that deep down, everybody is, has, and will be until a robot takeover, completely human. Upon this foundation one can truly begin their quest for true happiness in the form of personality. The next step in becoming me is the phrase

Generosity Didn’t Kill The Cat, A Car Did

What this means is disputed by Baloo Kingdom scholars all over the globe, included myself. However, we can boil it down to simply being a generous person. If you have something that you don’t care about at the moment that someone else wants, give it to them without delay. Someday, your kind act might circle back to you, and if not, you made someone’s day nonetheless. Moving on, always

Remember To Sit Often

Sitting is the foremost quality of a Baloo Kingdomian disciple. So you know when your legs get tired? Baloo’s legs never tire because of constant and regulated sitting. A simple “*sits*” will do simply in the RMB of your region. It may be annoying to some, maybe even spammy, but it is, nevertheless, a core principle. To continue further on your path to become epic, you must

Join The Baloominati

To do this, just telegram me. It’s that simple. Now you may be thinking what is the Baloominati? Well...

The Baloominati of Callista
"Look for the Bare Necesities..."


As a supporter or member of The Baloominati, you are agreeing to the possibility of suffering and death at the hands of King Baloo von Bruinwald XIII. Any mental harm due to an over-exposure of memes, movie parodies, songwriting, or Prickly Pears is not the legal liability of The Baloominati, its founder, or its member/supporters. The root of The Baloominati is centrism and compassion. We strive to better the regional and interregional community with fun, prosperity, and mob rule more activity. Benevolent rulership under a democratic system at it's true finest.

Foreign Relations

As a compassionate and centrist party, The Baloominati strives to include the interregional nations in the everyday life of our region. Embassies will always be accepted unless they're raiders and such. And who knows? Maybe our kindness will attract others from the farther regions of NationStates. The Baloominati loves others like it loves its own. And not in a creepy way. Please don't use that against us.

"Activities" and "Purpose"

We in The Baloominati want the region to be at its finest, a renaissance of sorts. People of all backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, and creeds coming together to create content and trade. On the government side of things, RO positions will remain the same, except the fact that we will ensure that each party will have equal representation to us. Compromise is key to unity. And unity is the key to a prosperous, eventful, and influential region. And a prosperous, eventful, and influential region leads to...leads to...uh...fame.


"Deep Purple" by Helen Forrest and Artie Shaw on Clarinet
LinkLink to Anthem


We're not better than you, we are you. Soon enough. Join us. It’ll be fun, for you and the region.

The Lost Player(s)

Kingdom of new hampshire, Lake huron republic

Template by Dominioan

Read dispatch

Once have read the holy word, you may make your choice. If you choose not to join, do not proceed through the steps any further. For those of you who have made it

Read Infinity Bear and Peargame

Infinity Bear and Peargame are my masterpieces, my legacy. You cannot become me without knowing “your” own work! Here they lay, kindly cataloged by Mr. Hresvelg:

Upon reading the duo of epic parody sagas, you have reached a threshold to becoming Baloo. Good job getting this far, by but you still have much to learn. Namely,

Abusing Commas

Of course, the abuse of the comma, in my opinion, is best shown in this masterfully crafted horror sentence, written only by me, or eventually you. I mean seriously, I used like six commas in the same sentence. I could have separated the sentence in multiple, but no, that’s not how you become Baloo. Make sure to throw a heathy average of 2-3 commas a sentence, or sometimes one, in order to maintain your status. Up next,

Don’t Say The No-No Words

Don’t swear kids. Micheal Jackson says so. Anyways,

Write A Song/Song Parody Or Memorize “The Bare Necessities”

Oooooo, it’s one of those “choose your own adventure” things. Well kinda, I mean, all three options lead to the same result, that being the next step. To explain, what you got to do is get with the groove in some way, shape, or form. Whether that be writing a song, learning a song by heart, or parodying a song is up to you (me). Once you do that, you’re well on your way. To better enrich yourself, you next need to

Become A Master Class Memelord

Becoming the best Bearmaster/Memelord is no easy task to undertake. Memeing ain’t a funny business. To both make good memes and be a meme simultaneously, one must find the perfect balance of meme saturation. Not acting too-memey as to annoy or be discredited by others, but memey enough that you could beat a legitimate government system in an election just by your status.
If you have made it this far you must now complete the final task,

Shake My (Our) Hand


Your (our) training is now complete. You (we) are now me. Congratulations and spread the word!

The Swinging Jungle of Baloo Kingdom