by Max Barry

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by The Mystical Isles of Dutchyland. . 510 reads.

A Brief History Of Dutchyland.

Millions of years before Dutchyland was even a recognized nation, Dutchyland was but an island in the region of Secular Sevens, and that was before Secular Sevens was even recognized as a region by various civilizations around the world. It was ruled by the Dutchays, a native species with its own separate animal kingdom because Dutchays are made out of whatever they find in nature, which is a unique trait that no other form of life has in Dutchyland. Dutchyland was originally an island composed of nothing but rainforests and rivers, with a lake in the center of the island. The volcano in the northeast portion of the island is also worth noting.

Eventually a man by the name of Dutchy, who was an exile born in an unknown long-lost civilization, discovered the island after being exiled on a boat in the Sagan Sea for two weeks. As he stepped out of the boat and placed his left foot on the beach of Dutchyland, he became the first man to ever set foot on the island. He wandered about the island for a few hours, learning its geography, discovering fresh food and water, and eventually coming in contact with the Dutchays. The Dutchays, who have never come in contact with man, accepted the new creature into its society. For six years, Dutchy lived alone with the Dutchays, embracing the cultures of the Dutchays and learning how to survive on the island.

Throughout those six years, Dutchy wrote of his experiences in a book, which was eventually published in the mainlands and titled "Thus Spake Dutchy". As word of his experiences spread throughout the region, the island eventually became populated with five million people and the island became a recognized nation. Dutchy, knowing that these 5 million people couldn't survive without his knowledge of the entire island, took charge of the people and became the first ever ruler of Dutchyland. In the first few months of leadership, he didn't allow any political freedoms for his citizens, as none of the citizens knew enough about the geography of the nation to run it efficiently, plus they were stupid anyways. But as time went by, he gave more and more political freedoms to his citizens. He took some of them away shortly after, but the citizens voted to have them all back again. It's also worth noting that when Dutchy became ruler, the strength of the economy rose sharply. Civil rights have generally fluctuated between Excellent and Superb, occasionally going as low as Very Good and as high as World Benchmark.

As Dutchy became older, he realized that he didn't have the charm he used to have. He lacked the endurance to perform his daily activities as leader of Dutchyland. He announced that after he finishes his 23rd term as leader of the country, he will not lead the country anymore. Due to the nation's powerful education system and the everlasting corruption-free culture, the citizens of Dutchyland refused to form any parties or political action committee as they understood why the core tenets of democracy were important. In a short period of time, a new leader was elected. On the day after the election results were released to the public, the Dutchyland Senate voted on a new title for the leader, the leader was officially consider a "Dutchy" and will be referred to as such for the remainder of the leader's life. Shortly after the election, it was heavily covered by the media when the new Dutchy shook the hands of the original Dutchy and greeted him by saying "What's good Dutchy?" and he replied by saying "Not much, life is good Dutchy."

Shortly after the election, Jedoria, who bordered the Sagan Sea along with Dutchyland, declared war on every nation in the region of Secular Sevens. The nations of Paragade, Thesum, Noodly appendage, and Veracitus retaliated by preparing for an invasion. When the time came, Dutchy came to the realization that his military was bloody awful. There was very little funding and it was very small to the point wear those damn Maxtopians could take him over anyday. After increased pressure from the neighboring Thesum's diplomacy, Noodly Appendage's dick-waving, and Jedoria's military threat. Dutchy eventually started to build up his military and dropped his radical left-wing foreign policy. Dutchy is now more on the left-leaning side when it comes to foreign policy. He generally prefers diplomacy as opposed to using his military when tensions with other nations increase, but he will still drop the bombshell on your pussy-ass if he feels like it. The nations of Thesum, Paragade, Veracitus, and Dutchyland formed a regional security alliance.

Shortly after Jedoria's surrender, the nation of Noodly Appendage, who at the time had the region's largest defense force and highest defense spending, felt as if it was necessary to constantly remind everyone that he had the largest and most powerful military in the region, most likely due to Jedoria's military threat. After weeks, Dutchy decided to speak out on this, threatening to ignite the volcano on the island and cover the entire region in soot. Tensions rose as Thesum spoke out, claiming that erupting the volcano is a reckless decision. Noodly Appendage threatened to launch nuclear warheads at Dutchyland. Over time, tensions relaxed as both sides were more quiet about what they could do.

Things went smoothly afterwards. Life, Prosperity, Freedom, Happiness. Dutchy had nothing but good things to say during these days, a time of peace when Dutchy kept balance between the Dutchays, the Maxtopians, and the Dutchylandians. But that all changed when the zombies attacked. Dutchyland strongly advocated of a huge regional effort on a possible cure. However, nations such as Noodly Appendage decided that it would be better to utilize its resources on killing every zombie it sees. Halfway through the zombie apocalypse, everyone suddenly realized that researching a cure is actually a pretty good idea. However, it was too late, everyone got infected. But suddenly, everyone was unzombified and the dead came back to life and lived their lives as if nothing happened. It was very odd.

Some time after the election of a 3rd Dutchy, Dutchyland becoming delegate of Secular Sevens, and the collapse of Deadora (A warlike nation who attacked multiple demilitarized nations), a major regional earthquake occurred. Multiple nations disappeared as the geography of the region completely changed. For some reason, the region's name suddenly became Sothoryos, it was weird. Nations such as Thesum, Paragade, Noodly Appendage, Jinlong, Blue black white, Red black white, Sharanga, and Syara survived the earthquake. Dutchyland still consisted of a single island, but it was more of a horseshoe shape.

Immediately, there was a power struggle for the delegate spot. There were four nations in the region who were members of the World Assembly: Dutchyland, Thesum, Paragade, and Blue Black White. At first, Thesum gained power as Delegate, but Paragade soon took over as delegate. For some time, there was a gridlock in the endorsements. Paragade was endorsed by Dutchyland and Thesum, Thesum was endorsed by Paragade and Dutchyland, Dutchyland was endorsed by Blue Black White and Thesum, and Blue Black White was endorsed by Dutchyland. Thesum, Paragade, and Dutchyland were part of the regional military alliance, and they agreed that they should endorse each other. However, Paragade decided not to follow up on that agreement despite advocating it in the past. Noodly Appendage temporarily joined the World Assembly and endorsed Thesum. Dutchyland realized that Noodly Appendage was going to leave the World Assembly after Thesum was elected, which meant that Noodly Appendage's invisible endorsement would have played a role in something that does not concern a non-WA member nation. Dutchy publicly spoke out on this act of corruption and unendorsed Thesum in order to nullify the invisible endorsement, increasing tensions within the region. After Paragade declared that it would be good for regional security if Thesum becomes delegate and that every member of the regional security alliance should endorse each other to ease tensions, Dutchyland decided to re-endorse Thesum, and it took every ounce of Dutchy's self-control to do so. Shortly afterwards, Dutchyland noticed that it needed one more endorsement to become the delegate, and Paragade did not endorse Dutchyland, despite agreeing that every member of the security alliance will endorse each other. Dutchy spoke out on this, and Paragade claimed that it would be better for the region if Dutchyland was not leader, breaking the agreement. Dutchyland called Paragade out on its hypocrisy, with no further responses from Paragade.

Life in the region was very quiet after this event. Excluding Dutchyland's failed WA proposal to condemn The Flood, all was quiet on the Sothoryos front. As time passed by, more and more nations collapsed and other nations, such as Thesum and Syara, left the region. Dutchyland was once again delegate of the region, but it was a dying region. As the 4th Dutchy was elected, he decided that there are bigger opportunities for Dutchyland in the world. He decided that life in the region of Sothoryos needed to pass, so he acted on his will and decided it was time to leave, and to bring his nation with him.

And now here is Dutchyland, quietly making a name for itself in the region of The North Pacific. The 5th Dutchy was elected shortly afterwards. He is the first Dutchy to be elected in the region of The North Pacific. He has declared the nation to be independent from regional politics following his unendorsement of the delegate and most of the region's "Security Council".

The 6th Dutchy adopted a more isolationist policy has not played as strong of a role in regional events, but the nation during his rule has still flourished, earning many top 50 regional rankings and even a few top 10 regional rankings in this 4k-5k member region. One notable action of the 6th Dutchy is that he changed the foreign policy of the previous Dutchy by endorsing Inoffensive Centrist Democracies. Dutchyland's time in The North Pacific has been peaceful. Oh, and this is not including the multiple warnings by unknown forces. They don't count. Dutchy's words were the truth, the minuscule nations that he insulted really were pussies who should suck Dutchy's dick.

Three Zombie Apocalypses have occurred while in The North Pacific under the 4th, 6th, and 11th Dutchys. The Second Zombie Apocalypse (which was the first one while Dutchyland was in The North Pacific) ended the same as the First Zombie Apocalypse with everyone either dead or transformed into a zombie. The Third Zombie Apocalypse ended better than the first two with Dutchyland's survival rate at 54.53%. The Fourth Zombie Apocalypse ended even better than each of the previous three with Dutchyland's survival rate at 92.66%...which didn't matter as everyone was magically brought back to life to live their lives as if nothing happened, again.

As soon as the 7th Dutchy's term started, he declared that he will vote concurrently with the TNP regional assembly's recommended vote, abandoning the previous Dutchy's policy of "always liberate regions, always commend left-wing nations, and always condemn non-left-wing nations." (Nobody came up with some cool acronym instead, nor did anyone care enough to hire somebody to make one, people state that exact policy word by word each time and they were going to enjoy it.) The 7th Dutchy also adopted a new policy, in reaction to TNP's "omg everybody endorse everybody" policy, where he threatens to poop on the face of the leaders who he does not want to endorse back if they send a telegram requesting an endorsement back.

While getting turnt, the 7th Dutchy has accidentally signed a law that included a paragraph that made him dictator of Dutchyland. This was fixed a few days afterwards. However, the implications of the paragraph nullified a lot of legislation that made our nation politically free, as it has been for most of our nation's history. Even though the nation's citizens can vote again, political freedom was minimized to the point where it has been compared to Dutchyland's not-so-brutal dictatorship era back in our nation's early days. The 7th Dutchy resigned shortly afterwards.

The 8th Dutchy, who is officially the first female Dutchy, promised to bring back our nation's political freedoms to the excellent, superb levels that Dutchyland has experienced for most of its history, which she achieved. She also plans on improving Dutchyland to the point where it reaches the top 5 in some of the region's censuses. Although she failed with that endeavor, she made a lot of progress towards that goal. She changed Dutchyland's foreign policy so that once a nation are endorsed, they will not be unendorsed as long as they fit the requirements of being endorsed at the time of the endorsement, even if you don't meet the requirements anymore after the endorsement. This change brought a big sigh of relief from everyone who works in the government dossier department. The 8th Dutchy also made an addition to Dutchyland's Security Council policy. If a proposal has twelve hours left for voting and the regional delegate has not voted, Dutchyland will vote alongside the WA delegate of its region as a token of good faith toward the region's authority.

The 9th Dutchy was then elected. He has promised to continue the pursuit of reaching the top 5 in at least one of the region's censuses, which Dutchyland, under the 8th Dutchy's rule, has failed to achieve. Recently, the 9th Dutchy has ordered a factbook to be created that would keep track of the nation's census rankings at both the regional and world level. He also announced that there were plans in the works to add more factbooks. Dutchyland's fourth Zombie Apocalypse occurred during the 9th Dutchy's rule. For the first time ever, an actual cure was found. Dutchyland had a survivor rate of 99.18% with a minimal amount of dead. Once again, everyone that we lost during the Zombie Apocalypse was brought back to life magically, again, to live their lives as normal. Scientists are too weirded out to try to discover why this happens. For the next Zombie Apocalypse, Dutchyland's goal is to cure all of the citizens and hopefully have nobody dying.

Dutchyland recently earned 5th for Culture in one of the region's censuses, finally achieving the goal originally set by the 8th Dutchy and has achieved multiple regional top 5's since then. Dutchyland also engaged in a rivalry with Stovilium to see who can do better in the more relevant censuses. Stovilium thinks he's good, but he isn't. The rivalry intensified to the point where our nations' mottos explicitly called out each other, but that ended as some unknown forces changed our mottos because it's "trolling". Dutchy remembers when he was five and cared about little things like this. Now, Stovilium and Dutchyland is united and currently share the same motto.

Due to the live census rankings for each category, the 9th Dutchy decided that the Census factbook is now obsolete and it has been discontinued, but will remain as a historical artifact. Nowadays, The Dutchylandian government keeps track of the results of every piece of legislation it enacts, though it is kept track privately for personal use so that Dutchyland can flourish above other nations. As a result of the advancement of census category tracking technology, the 9th Dutchy has decided that the nation will enter an era of exploration, potentially enacting legislation that has never been enacted before to explore its options and fully study the effects of each piece of enacted legislation. While Dutchyland's quality continues to rise, the upwards trend in quality may be a bit more wobbly in the past, but will reach more milestones than ever in the long run.

The 10th Dutchy was elected shortly afterwards and has promised to achieve a #1 ranking in the region in at least one category during his term. Shortly after the term started, The 10th Dutchy announced an unprecedented policy and decided to abandon Dutchyland's former policy of only endorsing centrist/left-wing nations. From this point on, Dutchyland will remove any qualifications for nations to meet in order to receive an endorsement. Some time afterwards, Dutchyland achieved its goal of a #1 regional ranking by leading the region in Average Income of Poor, but the ranking was dropped back to #3 a couple days later. Later during the 10th Dutchy's term, Dutchyland not only became #1 in the region for integrity, but #5 in the world in the same category, which is an incredible feat. Under the 10th Dutchy's leadership, Dutchyland became well known for having very unstable civil and political rights, bouncing wildly from day to day as opposed to being relatively stable like before the 10th Dutchy's term, all in the name of studying the results of various pieces of legislation. The reduction in Dutchyland's military forces was also noted, as it changed from being one of the most powerful militaries in the region to a military that can only combat immediate threats. Though very controversial, Dutchy stated that the money taken from the military went straight to more highly-revered government agencies and that Dutchyland's status as a diplomatic heavyweight and one of the most influential nations in the world could compensate for the reduction in military forces.

Then, the 11th Dutchy was elected. Soon after being elected, Dutchy made some changes in the priorities of Dutchyland's economy and decided that the Dutchylandian government shall remain neutral towards the basket weaving, furniture restoration, and information technology industries and will not keep them in mind when enacting legislation that helps the nation as a whole, recognizing that while they have had some respectable success, they weren't vital to the nation's economy and that our tourism and book publishing industries alone would keep our economy growing at frightening levels. Just recently, the 11th Dutchy decided to get rid of the nation's ages old policy of voting alongside the region's delegate when it came to Security Council proposals in the World Assembly, citing his issues with the culture that currently surrounds the World Assembly and its most powerful members and the delegate's occasionally very slow voting. Also during Dutchy's reign, foreign intelligence notified him that another nation was using the National Flag. After some…discussion, they changed their national flag immediately. Dutchy was very persuasive.

The 11th Dutchy also handled the Fourth Zombie Apocalypse extremely well with 92.66% of the nation surviving it. The other 8.34% was magically revived shortly after it ended. Dutchyland's scientists are still baffled by this phenomenon.

The 12th Dutchy was recently elected. The 12th Dutchy's first action was to broaden the permissions of our intelligence agency to analyze the effects of legislation by studying the effects of similar issues in nations abroad. The goal of this is to fine tune our nation's dossier of the effects of legislation to ensure that Dutchyland is going on the correct path. This action formally ends the "Era of Exploration" established by the 9th Dutchy.

Life is good in Dutchyland, and that's how Dutchy prefers it to be.