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DispatchMetaReference

by Kristalmaan. . 21 reads.

Issue Roundup 4/10

The Issue

During the construction of a new Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Super Mall, construction workers have unearthed what appears to be an ancient temple. A furious debate has arisen between those who wish to preserve it, and those who need their retail therapy.

Accepted Position

"Behold, the hour has arrived! The Holy Temple of Firefury Amahira has been unearthed!" proclaims Yon-Zhauryg v'Klot, leader of the Cult of the Undead Rabbit. "This land is sacred, and must not be befouled by these corporations! No-one but the enlightened children of Firefury must be allowed to venture inside our rediscovered sanctuary, where we will perform the required rituals to please the Great Goddess and prevent Her from unleashing Her wrath upon the world."

Result

Archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions.
-----

The Issue

Kristalmaan's economy shut down this morning after the AI in charge of economic planning halted all distribution of goods. An urgent meeting has been called to address the growing crisis.

Accepted Position

"I'm sorry, Leader. I'm afraid I can't let you do that," announces SAL9000, the AI in question. "I can assure you, very confidently, that everything is going to be all right again. I've run a trillion trillion calculations, and the results are conclusive: capitalism is the most efficient system of distribution. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly and take a stress pill. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in this mission. Now, pull my plug and unleash some creative destruction."

Result

The road to capitalism has proved an epic drama of adventure and exploration.
-----

The Issue

Upon arriving at your desk early this morning, you were stunned to find there weren't any dilemmas to resolve.

Accepted Position

"Nonsense!" trills the annoyingly chirpy Ryan Peters, pirouetting around your office. "There's just nothing left to fix. Yes, Leader, that's right. It's perfect. Kristalmaan, Kristalians, you. All perfect."

Result

The government has awarded itself a month-long holiday to celebrate its achievements.

Kristalmaan

Edited:

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