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by Kristalmaan. . 5 reads.

Issue Roundup 4/11

The Issue

Kristalmaan's football fans are outraged after the nation's bid to host an important regional competition was rejected. The reason? Kristalmaan's football fields are slightly shorter than the international standard.

Accepted Position

"You wanna spend my tax money on what?!?" wheezes couch potato Hack Trax while flicking through sport channels. "If sporting associations need more money, why not ask for sponsorship from the private sector, like pizza chains and soda bottlers? Why should my money be used to help a bunch of good for nothing kids chase a bit of leather around?"

Result

Marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams.
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The Issue

Citizens all over Kristalmaan have been petitioning for firmer action on public graffiti.

Accepted Position

"I don't see what's so bad," comments Sarah McGuffin, a famous art critic. "This is urban art at its finest. It's vibrant, colorful, and simply reeks of culture! Just look at the form displayed in this string of racist expletives! Wonderful. Simply wonderful. I think we should really be encouraging these budding Rembrandts, not putting them down! I say we legalise it, in the name of culture!"

Result

Graffiti graces every city's streets.
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The Issue

A coup in a neighbouring country has seen a mercenary force led by retired Moon-Touched general Jake Chicago take charge of the peaceful backwater, purging the opposition and suppressing freedoms. Despite the new leader making a dubious promise to hold elections, the government in exile is demanding that Kristalmaan take action.

Accepted Position

May Tan, a junior official, puts down "Diplomacy for Dummies" and pipes up. "The best method of solving problems is talking. Send the new regime a strongly worded letter of protest and encourage them to negotiate. On a similar note, perhaps you could take your spouse out for a meal tonight. You've been spending far too much time sorting out this nation's issues lately."

Result

The art of conversation has been rediscovered.
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The Issue

A tabloid magazine, The National Incriminator, has revealed the sordid details of an affair between one of your top advisors, Robert Lotsalovin, and his secretary.

Accepted Position

"Whoa, whoa, hey, now..." argues Senator Charles Harishchandra. "What happened to Mr. Lotsalovin is no different than affairs that happen all over Kristalmaan every day! Before you know it, they'll be after YOUR sexual history! I think what we need to do is take the public attention off of it somehow, perhaps by... oh, I don't know... giving them a tax cut! That'll divert their attention from this momentary distraction just long enough for Mr. Lotsalovin's divorce process to end!"

Result

Government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries.
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The Issue

The death of 108 year old Supreme Court Justice Alexei Ruff has created an opening on the bench. Below are the possible nominees.

Accepted Position

Gay Activist and former Senator Thomas Peters is nominee #3. "Our people aren't happy, we need more freedom, we need more civil rights. We must keep the government out of the bedroom. We must respect people's right to privacy and remember that personal relations are just that, personal."

Result

The Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy.

Kristalmaan

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