by Max Barry

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DispatchMetaReference

by Kristalmaan. . 12 reads.

Issue Roundup 4/25

The Issue

Some key figures of Kristalmaan's major religious groups have requested government sponsorship for the institution of an inquisition to try heretics and blasphemers.

Accepted Position

Cardinal Mortimer Gratwick, Archbishop of Crystal Tokyo, demands you kiss his ring before telling you, "The Church encourages the formation of an Inquisition. However, it will only be to try those in error and put them on the right track to holiness; you needn't worry about those nasty thumb-screws and we haven't had a rack in ages, so we won't be torturing people. Of course, in order to bring this noble plan into effect, the Holy Office must have jurisdiction over the civil courts."

Result

The Holy Office of the Inquisition is the highest court in the land.
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The Issue

Government bureaucrats have called for an end to the mandatory referenda of new laws, citing the difficulty of processing so many votes on a regular basis.

Accepted Position

"The madness has gone on for long enough," says Voting Registry Clerk Lauren Luna, visibly suffering from sleep deprivation. "We've been working around the clock processing all these referendums! Every day we receive millions of votes for the most inconsequential of by-laws! They all have to be counted, recounted, checked for errors, and it's driving me up the wall! You need to leave the responsibility of voting to Parliament. After all, representing the people is what they get paid for."

Result

The government has ordered a moratorium on referenda.
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The Issue

Taking advantage of your limited military capacity, the remote nation of Wezeltonia has invaded one of your distant overseas territories, the Rabbit Isles. They claim sovereignty over the islands, despite Kristalmaan's colonialists having lived there for generations. An emergency meeting has been convened to discuss the matter.

Accepted Position

"We should never have allowed our military to become this pathetic," sighs Chastity Sanchez, your only Military Advisor. "It's an open invitation for invasions. If we're going to protect our shores against this enemy we need a show of strength - gather what resources we have and send them to protect the Rabbit Isles. Time is of the essence!"

Result

Kristalmaan is building an army to protect its overseas territories.
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The Issue

After a group of unemployed students were found living in a disused furniture factory in Crystal Tokyo, landowners and law enforcement have become concerned with rising squatting levels in abandoned buildings.

Accepted Position

"What's truly disgusting is how these corporate fat cats can be so unempathetic and cruel," remarks social democrat Bharatendu Obama. "They're hoarding abandoned old buildings waiting for the property market to improve so they can make a fortune selling them off to greedy developers for luxury apartment blocks - and all the while their fellow Kristalians are sleeping rough without a roof over their heads! We should enact a compulsory purchase on all buildings that are unoccupied for longer than six months, and turn them into affordable housing for the homeless so they won't have to resort to squatting in some dirty old factory. I don't need to tell you where we can get the money from."

Result

Business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters.
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The Issue

A recent severe crash in the stock market of Kristalmaan and a plummet of the value of the Crystal has brought the issue of government bailouts to the forefront of the national agenda.

Accepted Position

"This brings up an interesting point," remarks socialist author Mark Ruff. "Why do we allow businesses to become "too big to fail?" The solution, surely, is to break up businesses before they reach such a size that they threaten our economy. Imagine it: community-based businesses, run for the benefit of the little people, not faceless, money-grubbing investment banks! Is there really a reason corporations need to be big?"

Result

Businesses that prove successful are immediately broken up.
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Kristalmaan

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