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DispatchMetaReference

by Kristalmaan. . 8 reads.

Issue Roundup 5/10

The Issue

When the police recently used a main battle tank to stop a robbery in downtown Crystal Tokyo, many questioned whether the police should be buying up army surplus.

Accepted Position

"I thought the police were there to make things better!" cries Ali Wu, gesturing towards the devastated shopfront. "One moment I was being held up by a guy in a mask. The next thing I know a 50 ton war machine is roaring through my shop! Instead of some derelict stealing the money in the till, the police pulverized the entire building! Surely that tank was overkill? They're cops, not commandos."

Result

Veteran cops reminisce over their heavy armor days.
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The Issue

When everyone in a city of northern Kristalmaan coincidentally flushed their toilets at the same time, it nearly caused a meltdown at the local nuclear power plant. Now, protesters have taken to the streets over the possible safety hazards of such structures.

Accepted Position

"I think we simply need to be more careful," says Faith Woolf, your Minister of Safety. "There may be an issue with these plants, which can only be solved by upgrading to the latest state-of-the-art safety systems. There may be an issue with the employees which can only be solved by stringent training and only hiring the best of the best. I'm not going to lie to you, it will be very expensive, but the people need a stable supply of electricity, not worries of mutated radioactive monsters eating people's brains. Seriously."

Result

Nine out of ten citizens of Kristalmaan answered 'nuclear safety inspector' when asked their occupation.
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The Issue

Labor lawyers and armchair activists alike have been in an uproar after an ex-convict was denied a job at Discriministas, a popular five-star restaurant in downtown Crystal Tokyo. The woman, whose only crime was jaywalking, now faces a lifetime of poverty and unemployment. After your Twitcher page was overwhelmed with angry complaints, you agreed to finally discuss whether or not ex-cons can be discriminated against.

Accepted Position

"Obviously we need to reach some sort of compromise here," suggests team-building consultant Bharatendu Nomine while trying to get your reluctant aides to do a trust fall. "It does seem cruel to deny people jobs for petty crimes they committed years ago, but we need to ensure the safety of the business and the customers. How about a system that allows business owners to conduct record checks for more sensitive jobs, such as teaching schoolchildren, law enforcement, or working in your office? Nobody would understandably hire a murderer or a sex offender for those positions, but at the same time minor crimes like jaywalking and that ridiculous law about kicking a can six times in a row shouldn't ruin a person's life." One of your aides suddenly falls on the floor and lets out a string of profanities.

Result

Many aides in Neo-Queen Serenity's office are known to be serial jaywalkers.
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The Issue

With reports of national enlistment rates decreasing, some concerned citizens have come to your office to offer their own various solutions.

Accepted Position

"You want the army to foot the bill for keggers and then kidnap people?" questions Heather Silk, an army medic in training. "There's a much better way to encourage enlistment rather than getting people blackout drunk. A portion of the military budget could be devoted to educating prospective soldiers and officers who promise to serve for, say, six years. Then the armed forces will have more qualified staff, and poor people will have a way to go to college. Kristalians will love it."

Result

The army lures cannon fodder with promises of a college education.
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The Issue

A group of distraught high school girls has brought the problem of stray dogs and cats around Kristalmaan to your attention.

Accepted Position

"Let's not get hasty here," interrupts Major Burns while polishing his oakleaves and war medals. "Now these animals could be of use to the police here and overseas with our brave soldiers. There are plenty of jobs that simply aren't suited to our patriotic boys in uniform. Yes, plenty of dangerous jobs. It's not like these strays are going to be missed. And at least we'd be giving them hot meals and a dignified purpose!"

Result

Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies.
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Kristalmaan

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