by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Advertisement

1

DispatchMetaReference

by Kristalmaan. . 8 reads.

Issue Roundup 5/13

The Issue

Following a public safety disaster of unimaginable magnitude - so extreme that members of your government only mention it in hushed voices, and only then in the vaguest of terms - Kristalmaan's tourism industry has hit the rocks. Commentators from all walks of life have come to your office to offer their opinions.

Accepted Position

"The government has to step in and do something, for once!" demands tour operator Ella Wilson, visibly pulling her hair out. "If we'd had proper railings on the marina, that shark would never have gotten into the oil refinery in the first place! The government has to put better regulations in place to make sure disasters of this kind never happen again. And if we want to coax back the tourists we've lost, we need a whole bunch of new state-subsidised hotels, parks and tourist attractions. Shark-proof ones. Our economy will never survive without it!"

Result

A new generation of aquariumless hotels are being built under government supervision.
-----

The Issue

An old supporter of yours has recently passed on, leaving a quite sizeable plot of land to you in his will - but only under a rather unusual condition: that the site be developed into a colosseum for hosting gladiatorial fights and other bloody spectacles.

Accepted Position

"Yes, yes!" cries Doris Clinton, waving a wooden sword enthusiastically. "You've gotta do this, man! Gladiator fights are like the ultimate in spectator sports! And it doesn't just have to be people! We could pit man against rabbit! Blade against claw! Nothing to their names but their wits and their stamina! You'd have to pay people a lot to risk their lives doing this, but I bet you'd earn a whole lot more from merchandise and wagers and stuff!"

Result

It is a common belief that a sport isn't sport if there are no decapitations.
-----
The Issue

In response to increasing costs of running state prisons, several government advisors have suggested allowing the private sector to play a greater role in managing Kristalmaan's correctional facilities.

Accepted Position

"This is just another scheme by multinational corporations to turn our great nation into a corporate dictatorship!" claims William Zhimo, of the Social Justice League of Kristalmaan. "Just say NO to privatised prisons. We should be closing them all down so we can begin focusing on rehabilitation anyway!"

Result

Convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes.

-----

The Issue

KBS Nightly News has run an interview with a former Moon-Touched Army officer who has resorted to using a hook as a replacement for the hand he lost in combat after the Department of Veterans Affairs failed to cover the cost of prosthetic surgery, prompting a deluge of complaints about the way Kristalmaan takes care of its wounded veterans.

Accepted Position

"That takes care of the symptoms, but not the cause," announces Professor Bruce du Pont, Director of the KAF's highly secretive Special Projects Division. "As long as we insist on using flesh and blood troops on the battlefield, these kind of injuries are going to continue to cause so much inefficiency -- oh, and human suffering too, I guess. I say it's time we unleashed Operation Codename: Giant Killer Robots!"

Result

90% of active duty KAF personnel have been laid off and replaced by robot kill-drones.
-----

The Issue

After a female Moon-Touched soldier was taken prisoner and brutally tortured in a recent skirmish, some citizens are calling for an end to female enlistment in the military.

Accepted Position

"See? This sort of griping is why women are the only ones fit to be soldiers at all," says obscure feminist author Maria Mombota. "You don't see women falling all over themselves to be a hero and keep men out of harm's way. Women are more rational, keep cooler under fire, and are just as physically fit as men. I say we keep the men home and have an all-female military instead."

Result

Matriarchy has replaced patriarchy in all spheres of life.

Kristalmaan

RawReport