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by Kristalmaan. . 5 reads.

Issue Roundup 7/16

Having returned from extensive and strenuous inspections of all of the nation's beaches, verifying that provided lounging chairs meet governmental standards and that iced treat vendors within the designated boardwalk are no more than one thousand feet apart, Her Most Sunburned Majesty returns to work.

The Issue

Infighting between major religious groups over which faith should represent Kristalmaan in an international exhibition of holy relics escalated to a new high, today. After the latest incident, in which one official received a concussion from a sacred healing stone, all of the religious leaders are at last united - in demanding you choose a national religion.

Accepted Position

"The only deity this country needs is the one it already has, master," says Emmanuel Syme, one of your creepier advisers while obsequiously bowing on the floor. "I of course refer to you, Neo-Queen Serenity, the finest ruler any humble subject could hope to have! We long to worship you and do your bidding! Some call that a cult of personality, but I prefer to call it... love."

Result

Neo-Queen Serenity is the self-declared God of all Kristalmaan.
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The Issue

A newly-founded religious group, Vive la chèvre, has vigorously protested the government's hard line against dairy farming.

Accepted Position

"Surely there's potential for a compromise between those two emmental cases," says Chippy Cheesie, president of Marche Noire's biggest dairy firm. "Cheese is a promising sector of the Moon-Touched economy with huge potential for growth. It would be awful gouda you to spend a few tax Crystals to help build up a dairy industry from scratch. I'm sure Kristalians will appreciate having more of their food grown domestically, so the subsidy could even be popular."

Result

There is an abundance of ackawi and zartschmelzend in every Moon-Touched grocery store.
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The Issue

After the unfortunate and untimely death of Kristalmaan's premier sporting mascot just before a major national Calvinball competition, the decision regarding his replacement has been pushed higher and higher up the chain of command until now, having somehow reached your desk.

Accepted Position

"Don't do it!" screams your personal advisor, Naki Christmas, somehow the most flamboyantly dressed yet, "Any decision we make now will be a political torpedo: all we've been given here is a choice between being seen as convulsive, compulsive or corrupt! What we really need to prize is choice: the choice of the people to elect their own mascot - and your choice to push any really difficult political decisions onto the voting public!"

Result

Political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm.
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The Issue

Nicholas Condor, a prominent Bigtopian activist and soapbox orator, caused quite a stir last week when he publicly called for the complete extermination of the people of Kristalmaan, accusing fellow citizens of being 'sub-human', 'immoral', and 'really ugly too'. Citizens Against Intolerance, a pressure group aiming to reduce social inequality, has demanded that the government put more resources into combating hate speech. Coincidentally, another society, also called Citizens Against Intolerance, has stood up for Mr Condor, claiming that inhibiting his speeches would be a violation of his right to free speech.

Accepted Position

"I agree to an extent," ventures Howard Sparkle, your Minister of Domestic Security. "But insulting one person is not the same as insulting an entire social grouping. The wrong word in the wrong place and you WILL have violence on the streets: that's the reality we live in, whether you like it or not. If we want to make any real difference then we need to nudge cultural values in the right direction with government awareness programmes and the like. Educate the masses! Laying down a reactionary law will just fuel resentment in the long run."

Result

The government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative.

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The Issue

A recent national survey found that 40% of Kristalians regularly consult fortune tellers.

Accepted Position

"Banning these fortune tellers only treats the symptom, not the disease, " states your Minister of Education, Peggy Cohen. "If our people are dumb enough to believe this hokum, then we've got a serious education problem. Clearly we need to increase our school budget and start an outreach program to stamp this problem out at the source. It'll require more taxes, but the people need our help."

Result

Government officials go door-to-door educating about the dangers of pseudoscience.

Kristalmaan

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