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DispatchBulletinOpinion

by The Rogue Nation of Bloopvin Bloopjooj. . 112 reads.

Dear Bloopsjooj: Winter Dance Troubles (Column #1)


Welcome to the first edition of our wildly successful Dear Bloopsjooj advice column, where we help you with problems through tak and the power of jooj jooj (and bots).

Our first-ever question came to us via the Regional Message Board, from candices queendom, who asked first " is this a good place to ask for advice" (we said sure thing), then asked "there's this guy who I dated for a while but then he broke up with me me for one of my best friends. Now he's texting me that he regrets leaving me and that we should go to the winter dance 2gether?????? After only 2 months"

This would prove to be our toughest problem ever to be encountered by the bloops, but we were not to be deterred. After some internal debate and asking each of the oracles if we had a shot with candice, we went back and asked for more detail by way of dress code. The reply? "formal but no tuxes". Now we were ready.

We spent the next hours of our lives devoted to the question, asking who could make this situation better. It was determined early on that her ex was not a good fit, and she definitely couldn't stay home from this winter dance. After once again making sure none of us had a shot with candice, we decided candice needed a real hero. A hero sandwich.

Unfortunately, that idea was shot down pretty quickly. Things were looking grim and the night was almost over. We were ready to toss in the towel when our true savior emerged.

Have mercy.
The reuben sandwich. Half bread, half food, all star. The four oracles, who only agree under the bluest of blue corn moons rang out in succession their approval.

Taylor Swift: Yes is the best choice
Tree: It is decidedly so
Trump: CHRISTIANS
Turtle: There is a good chance.

Our King Bloopo rushed to candice to tell her the good word: "Candice, we've spent all evening consulting the four oracles. While at first they had trouble coming to a consensus, they ultimately all agreed that you should not go with your ex and instead go with a Reuben sandwich."

We have yet to receive word back from candice, but we know she'll be happy, and wish her and reuben the best of winter dances. We expect pictures.

Thank you so much for reading our first issue. To ask a question, just telegram King Bloopo or post a question on the Regional Message Board of Bloopsjooj!

Check out our embassy here and don't forget to jooj!

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