by Max Barry

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Brocklandia wrote:I just realized: In the Toy Story universe, inflatable sex dolls are alive.

*wistfully recalls a time when this knowledge had not been known*

Gates of Horn and Ivory wrote:https://www.smh.com.au/world/penis-snatch-witchcraft-panic-hits-congo-20080426-gdsaw3.html
Looks like it's still going strong, in some places...

I like how I rambled on about stealing penises, and your first response was "Hey, I wanna find out more about that!" I guess everyone needs a hobby.

Brocklandia wrote:I like how I rambled on about stealing penises, and your first response was "Hey, I wanna find out more about that!" I guess everyone needs a hobby.

Humanity is as curious as it is flawed. Even despite warnings of feline fatality it seems we are all hell-bent on pursuing anything that piques our interests or so-help-us-God we will explode.

Of course, often curiosity's greatest enemy is our idea of dignity. And the root of dignity is fear. Fear of being judged. So really, I suppose curiosity's greatest enemy is fear.

Fear is what prevents the cat from indulging in curiosity. Its what makes it stop and think should I REALLY do this? After all, curiosity killed the cat, however, satisfaction brought him back.

Satisfaction is something based on personal opinion and preference, so, the cat can choose to be satisfied and live again. Nothing can force him to do otherwise. So tell me, Gates of Horn and Ivory, was the risk worth the reward? And if so, how does it feel to be immortal?

Brocklandia wrote:I like how I rambled on about stealing penises, and your first response was "Hey, I wanna find out more about that!" I guess everyone needs a hobby.

For some reason or another, I actually knew about the African practice, already. My best guess is that it was probably mentioned in an Anthropology class I once took...but maybe a Smithsonian Magazine article, as I used to have a subscription to that.

Sorry to disappoint. What I didn't know was the medieval European precedence for the phenomenon, which you arrived with. Pretty interesting, actually. I feel like we're drunkenly stumbling dangerously close to a dissertation...

Harteath wrote:Satisfaction is something based on personal opinion and preference, so, the cat can choose to be satisfied and live again. Nothing can force him to do otherwise. So tell me, Gates of Horn and Ivory, was the risk worth the reward? And if so, how does it feel to be immortal?

Your logic was pretty sound, so there's not a ton I can argue with. However, a small quibble: Here, satisfaction is guaranteed. Or your money back. Thus, it's not a simple choice, whether one is satisfied, here. All sorts of capitalist forces act on such a feeling. Thus, few are ever truly satisfied. Myself included. And so, my mortality is only too real, sadly...

Gates of Horn and Ivory wrote:For some reason or another, I actually knew about the African practice, already.

Oh? And when was this? Move over "sex with Abe Lincoln"--this might have just jumped to number one on my time-travel wish list.

I've always defined satisfaction as whatever Mick Jagger can't have.

Brocklandia wrote:Oh? And when was this? Move over "sex with Abe Lincoln"--this might have just jumped to number one on my time-travel wish list.

Well, it still occasionally rears its head, as discussed in the article. But I don't know about its origins, or could even guess as to whether it began deep in ancient history, or a more modern phenomenon.

I think it's rather presumptuous that you assume Abe would agree to a romantic encounter with you. How do you know you're his type? I think he was quite tall, so will that present a problem when it comes to smooching? Have you even brushed up on mid-19th century courtship? What if sonnets are involved? What if a stovepipe hat is required? There's just so many variables...

• AGORA • Founded April 1, 2016

Five years have passed since then. Incredible!

Coloran wrote:• AGORA • Founded April 1, 2016

Five years have passed since then. Incredible!

Can't believe it's been 5 years, absolutely crazy to think about!

Happy Founding Day to everyone, we're beginning our 6th year today!

Congrats to Magloire for being the best nation in Agora! I would live there if I weren't stuck in my own nation.

*Please help*

Coloran wrote:• AGORA • Founded April 1, 2016

Five years have passed since then. Incredible!

I remember being whisked away in the night, head in a bag. Good times.

Gettenfeld, Iescech, and Coloran

Iescech wrote:Congrats to Magloire for being the best nation in Agora! I would live there if I weren't stuck in my own nation.

*Please help*

I'd help you immigrate, but I'm stuck in my nation as well.

Iescech

Changing our motto to, "We're trying our best!"

Iescech

Coloran wrote:• AGORA • Founded April 1, 2016

Five years have passed since then. Incredible!

Happy belated Founder's Day!

Saint Olav wrote:I remember being whisked away in the night, head in a bag. Good times.

That sounds like my first date too. Did your paramour also demand large amounts of unmarked bills at the end of the festivities?

Meanwhile, 'tis spring, the season when this perennial question arises: Feel like playing God? Sure, we all do. Well, friend, maybe you'd like to take up ... gardening?

In gardening, you are the creator of a tiny garden, upon which you introduce life, and then care for--or ignore!--them as you see fit. Will you give your worshipers a flood, or will they wither and die in a drought? Only you, as the supreme being, can decide!

Plus, if it's a vegetable garden, you can eat them at the end. Oh, dang!--This raises the question: is a god or gods going to eat us? Nah, not necessarily, because there are also flower gardens, which are just there to sit around and look pretty. I long ago figured out my preferred role in the universe, baby.

Just try to tell me I'm wrong.

Brocklandia wrote:In gardening, you are the creator of a tiny garden, upon which you introduce life, and then care for--or ignore!--them as you see fit. Will you give your worshipers a flood, or will they wither and die in a drought? Only you, as the supreme being, can decide!

That sounds humorously similar to the NationStates introduction: "You create your own country, fashioned after your own ideals, and care for its people. Either that or you deliberately torture them. It's really up to you."

Perhaps gardening to could be the pitch in a cool free new browser game: FlowerGardens

Janisport wrote:Perhaps gardening to could be the pitch in a cool free new browser game: FlowerGardens

I thought someone had already invented Farmville?

Brocklandia wrote:I thought someone had already invented Farmville?

Well, that's the way of the video-game industry, every once in a while you need to reinvent a game to make a quick buck

A happy belated birthday to Gettenfeld, the nation always gettin' felt!

*Turns to scriptwriter*

"That wasn't in the original script..."

Magloire, Brocklandia, Gettenfeld, and Coloran

Iescech wrote:A happy belated birthday to Gettenfeld, the nation always gettin' felt!

Happy aging-day, Gettenfeld!

Magloire and Gettenfeld

So, everyone, you messed up something today? Well, okay. Just remember: You probably didn't mess up as badly as Donald Curray did on August 6, 1964.

That's the day he got tired of taking tree core samples, and so grabbed a chainsaw and cut down the world's oldest tree to see how old it was. Turns out, it was at least 4,862 years old! And further, turns out it was the oldest known organism in the universe. Whoopsie-doopsie!

That's a bad mess-up, but it did lead to a movement--that Donald helped--toward conserving the park where the tree had been growing. So ... silver linings?

Anyway, whenever I do something stupid, I think to myself: "At least I didn't kill the oldest living thing on Earth today." It's a low bar, but I clear it regularly, and so do you, probably. And in the end, so did Donald.

Yes, it's true--sorry, Donald. Sorry you weren't more like Tom Harlan. In 2009, Tom took a core sample from a tree that was reportedly 5,062 years old, which would have made it an even-older oldest living thing on Earth. Tom kept both the tree's and the core sample's locations secret to protect them, then died in 2013 without telling anyone where either is! Ha!--Ladies, gentlemen, and others, the Most Legendary Mess-Up of All Time Award goes to Tom Harlan! Now go out there and enjoy your life of more mundane mess-ups.

Saint olav ceased to exist

The saint is dead! Long live Iescech!

Brocklandia, Gettenfeld, and Iescech

Janisport wrote:Saint olav ceased to exist

The saint is dead! Long live Iescech!

I feel...so...much...POWER!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha...ha...ha...guys, this isn't funny if you don't all laugh along.

Iescech wrote:I feel...so...much...POWER!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha...ha...ha...guys, this isn't funny if you don't all laugh along.

Har-har-har!

Iescech

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