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It’s up to you
Considering that my RP post I just did involved hammering a knife through someone’s head, no, I don’t think it’s too violent. It does look good though! And I had forgotten upvoting dispatches was a thing.
Bunnies, Wubdich, Velvets realm, and Alantic empire
So, do I need to tone this down a little or nah?
Both two excellent pieces of writing. Good job.
Only, Kathol, it repeats 'The Commando' too often. But that may just be me with my preference to have all sentences start different.
Kathol Rift, Bunnies, The Municipalities of Antarctica, and Velvets realm
That was intentional, to show how Riddle 2’s mind had deteriorated to the point where he knew himself only as a Commando, and the captors knew him as nothing more than a Commando.
Bunnies and Wubdich
at this point.. i might as well attempt to establish a presence on mars.. rather than sending weapons..
Then it's fair enough.
May be a bit too tired to have seen that meaning behind that
Kathol Rift, Bunnies, and Alantic empire
On a serious note though Velvets realm, I do quite like it, there's a few spelling mistakes within it, but that doesn't take away from the quality of it.
I also quite enjoy that you're using the truck as more of a massive battering ram than as an actual tool for mining and hauling, it's quite nice to see such a vehicle being utilized for more than that.
Jar Wattinree, Strala, Kathol Rift, Bunnies, and 3 othersWubdich, Velvets realm, and Alantic empire
Nicely written. I'm nearly done with Part 2.
Ah, I am glad to hear you still remembered that rare instance of RP exchange between our nations when I still had nothing written down about my nation. Do you this recent piece on the level of writing as the 'Azulie Projekt' or nah?
Bunnies, The Municipalities of Antarctica, and Wubdich
Well, I think that the Azulie Projekt is better writing-wise, this one is not exactly on par with that, but I wouldn't say it's bad either.
Nice, and thanks. Riddle 2 is honestly one of my favorite characters to write, so getting to put the spotlight on him for one post was fun.
Bunnies, The Pacific Ring, and Wubdich
It has come to my attention that my industry of Furniture Restoration is in the top 4% of our region. As such, I seek some business in the hopes of further economic growth.
Thanks! Creepy wasn’t exactly what I was going for, but in hindsight, I guess it works that way.
Bunnies and Rockemsockem
Oop. Why am I still here? I got work at noon, and it's almost 3 am.
Bedtime. GN all.
Bunnies, Rockemsockem, The Municipalities of Antarctica, and Velvets realm
And Part 2 is basically: [SPOILER REMOVED]
Fennik: "Of course they would do that..."
Gn. Sleep well.
Well, that’s no fun.
I have updated my Nations motto because I apparently have to appeal to the will of my people. A small such my nations new motto is "Peace before War, War before Peace." That'll teach those hippies a thing or two.
Ah, I almost missed this message in my notifications, could you please kindly point the spelling errors on my factbook if you have the time. I'II fix them shortly after.
Very nice. Have a nice dinner!
Bunnies, The Pacific Ring, and Melious
(I also don’t know if Kathol Rift would be interested in this? If you’re not, sorry for pinging you!)
Usually when authors try to slip into the mind of someone in third person they let the pronoun hang like this, “The commando was given a chocolate cake after the integration, a sugary treat that was frosted to perfection. The cake floated on the tongue and—oh! The texture gliding from one side to the other—it is truly divine, how could anyone make something so tasty? There must be more somewhere, anywhere! Maybe the chef’s around...”
I mean, how Kathol wrote is was good too! His way leaves more mystery in what the Commando might be thinking and is probably better for that whole “feral” feeling.
Certainly, here you go:
"leaving a insane shivering wreck of a human being"
Fix: "leaving an insane shivering wreck of a human being"
"Suddenly all hell breaks loose a humungous foreign vehicle identified as HDDT-013"
Fix: "Suddenly all hell breaks loose as a humongous foreign vehicle identified as an HDDT-013"
"which sends his limp body tumbling down onto a flight of stairs in a world of agony as the ballad of gunshots, explosions, and screams becomes ever louder as his tum bling body down goes nears the ground faster,"
Fix: "which sends his limp body tumbling down a flight of stairs in a world of agony as the ballad of gunshots, explosions, and screams becomes ever louder as his tumbling body nears the ground,"
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