On a quiet Friday morning in the South Pacific RMB...
wrote: Volaworand too bad The unified carolinas died, but their White-tailed Deer live on in our Zoo page=dispatch/id=1112163 wrote: Auphelia Um . . . about that . . .
Did you let the Puddles the Puppy out?
Because it seems several exhibits were broken into and several animals were mauled or outright eaten.
There are no deer anymore.
wrote: Volaworand Well, there was an "incident" with a Red Panda from Concrete Slab... we still haven't found it. wrote: Concrete Slab Ruh-roh Any my red pandas aren't sickly! wrote: Auphelia *inspects the zoo*
You might want to see this.
*shows you the massive gashes in the concrete of the enclosure, and the mangled steel doors that exploded outwards in the Puddles exhibit*
*screams and squawking can be heard from the direction of the aviary*
I'm sure it's nothing.
wrote: Concrete Slab My pandas! *cries* wrote: Volaworand well... I guess we now know why the aviary is under reconstruction, lol :-) wrote: Auphelia Ha . . .
Um . . . do you think the military should be called in?
*plumes of smoke rise in the distant as the screams grow in volume*
*various animal sounds ring out across the zoo as more animals begin to panic*
wrote: South Pacifica Isles Not my disabled war-rescue dog!
Roll Sarah! Roooooll!
wrote: British Falkland Islands My Gentoo penguins!!! noooo!!!! wrote: The ColdWyvernian Undead *returns* hey everyone hows it....oh no wrote: St Helena Ascension and Tristan da Cunha C'mon Plovers! Fly!
Fly u damn fools!
wrote: Le Front de Liberation du Midand That Zoo was too Capitalist anyway... wrote: Auphelia I'm sure everything is fine!
*runs to the aviary building before stopping*
*all of the remaining glass panes are showered in blood, the rest shattered and covered in feathers and chunks of flesh*
I . . . hey look, a plant!
Ultimate Distraction . . . Initiated!
*looks at the random piles of smoking, shredded flesh that are scattered around the area*
Give it a few minutes.
wrote: US State Of South Carolina HEY!! *Is still mad about someone killing her deers* Oh... sorry wrote: Yansu *Watches it unfold* Meh, never gave those Anjanaths names, I don't care too much. They will be missed, though. wrote: US State Of South Carolina My deers are dead! wrote: Volaworand Get's Puddles some special Brownies.... page=dispatch/id=1156218 wrote: Auphelia That might just do it!
We just have to hope the shop is between him and the unicorn exhibit . . .
Are you certain you cannot call in your military forces? They would most likely die, but they might slow him down enough to allow some of the visitors to escape.
wrote: Volaworand I think I see Puddles in the Unicorn exhibit... omg they're mauling him with their horns!
Nope... I think that looks like
's Quokka's Beepee wrote: Volaworand Is that PS2's back paw up in the rafters? and is this a TSSS clone's tail? wrote: Auphelia *gasps*
Go Gina and Leslie!
*waves a sign*
*Puddles the Puppy sideswipes Leslie, sending her flying into the wall of the exhibit, and then leaps out*
*he lands in the aquarium and begins to mercilessly execute everything around him*
Someone, stop him!
*waves her tentacles*
Hm . . .
Wait just a minute!
*reaches for Puddles*
wrote: The ColdWyvernian Undead weeeell then *pull out note book and pen* *makes a note to donate more crows and copperfish to the zoo, along with donating some of the shamane reindeer* wrote: Volaworand Jeff Goldblum calls Acting Prime Minister Alan Duncan: "I told you! Puddles always finds a way!"
Duncan: noooo!!!!!! thank goodness Site B is still safe! we spared no expense!
wrote: US State Of South Carolina *Is sad* ): wrote: Volaworand Puddles the Puppy provided Puddles the Puppy in January, 2019. Auphelia The Auphelian Department of Abominations in conjunction with the Bureau of Wildlife Management provided Puddles the Puppy, which is a rather dangerous and rare breed with a penchant for taking over small nations and creating totalitarian theocratic dictatorships. These fearsome beasts are known to yip, bounce and murder any who stand in their way. Their deadliest trait: They enjoy doing stand up comedy, and like to practice on unsuspecting victims. Zoo patrons with heart conditions, pregnancy or pre-existing authoritarian tendencies are warned not to attend this exhibit. Due to their extremely dangerous nature, this this exhibit resembles the Indominus Rex enclosure from Jurassic World, but with double the precautions and triple the wall height and thickness. Construction costs have been covered by the Auphelian Department of Diplomacy and Pizza Parties. Despite the rarity of Puddles the Puppy, this species has not received a ICUN rating, due to the danger posed by allowing it to occupy territory.
EDIT: I've set my Nations banner to Puddles to put all citizens on alert! *Puddles is at large* this is not a drill!
wrote: Volaworand observes the smoldering husk of a zoo...
Ö This is fine
wrote: The ColdWyvernian Undead There has to be away to stop this thing *Stratches jaw with skeletal hand* hmm.. oh, this probably wont work but here goes nothing *pulls of radius bone an attempts to get Puddles attention* wrote: Auphelia *Puddles rips through the zoo and leaps once more, landing in Faraday*
*he rips through the electric power terminals, sending a large portion of Volaworand into darkness*
*he leaps once more, destroying the cell towers and phone lines, before landing in the middle of Site C*
*in a matter of minutes, Site C is nothing but a large mound of soap bubbles*
Oh, thank goodness he didn't do anything here!
Oh the humanity!
Or lack thereof, I suppose.
Outer peopist wrote: *observes currently ensuing chaos* wrote: Auphelia *tracks Puddles*
Wait just one second!
! Come take a look at this! Volaworand
*shows a monitor from a security camera in a KFP location*
*Puddles is on the floor, trying to tear into a penguin wing*
The food is so tough and chewy, even Puddles can't tear through it!
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
wrote: Volaworand Feed him a SNOT happy meal? the extra gooey Southern Nutty Original Treat should slow him down? page=dispatch/id=923912 Russian grand imperial empire wrote: GOOEY NUT wrote: Volaworand yes... it's full of very sticky viscous caramel. Children have been known to get SNOT all over their fingers and face.
This just *has* to work!
Dumps the SNOT vat over
wrote: Volaworand phew! That was close! wrote: Auphelia Two Days Later . . .
We've tallied the deaths and property damage.
Thankfully, only 173,841 citizens died, with 3,484,915 injuries. Property damage hovers at around £7.4 billion, with potentially more to come once final estimates are confirmed. At this point 12% of the population does not have access to clean drinking water, 28% do not have electricity, with a further 13% having intermittent electrical connections. 41% of the nation is without phone service, and 33% do not have internet. Half of the coastal cities have sunk beneath the waves, and half of Faraday is still in flames. The homeless rate is hovering at around 19%.
Overall, this Puddles did very little damage compared to past attacks. The speedy response and film references of the Volaworandian government were key in limiting casualties, and we feel certain that with the proper upgrades to their enclosure, everything will be fine.
Thank you, Volaworand. Without you, this could have been much worse.
Thanks also goes to KFP, whose terrible food saved the day.
wrote: Volaworand Thank goodness we sold Point Cape International, our main Insurance Firm to Midand Global Corp... Now there's a major multinational that can foot the bill to rebuild :-) page=dispatch/id=1149943
Rebuilding most of our two largest cities won't be a problem, will it
? Midand wrote: Auphelia That is a relief!
Accounting for government property as well as private property, the damage totals over £113 billion.
I hope this makes an interesting dispatch for you.
I do my best!
wrote: US State Of South Carolina *Is even more sad* That was my state animal wrote: Volaworand the genetic back-ups should be fine... and we can substitute frog DNA for any missing portions... what cold possibly go wrong? wrote: Yansu If the failed Yansuan Mesozoic Park is any indication, a lot. wrote: Auphelia I wonder if Auphelia can host a "We Are The World" style telethon to raise money for those impacted by this tragedy? wrote: Auphelia I've made a few calls/death threats, and so far we have the following singers: The Volaworand Charity Concert Lineup
Gotye Falco Madonna Celine Dion Shakira BTS Amadeus Mozart Loreen Celia Cruz Daft Punk Bjork Girls Generation Ravi Shankar Elvis Presley Taylor Swift Yo-Yo Ma Luciano Pavoratti Shonen Knife Kishore Kumar Ali Farka Toure Carlos Santana Andre Rieu Aretha Franklin Fela Kuti a-Ha Regina Spektor Miriam Makeba Wonder Girls Julio Iglesias ABBA Beyonce Beethoven The Beatles Shreya Ghoshal
This did require some necromancy, but so far it seems good. We aim to add another 30 acts, at least.
wrote: The ColdWyvernian Undead could you add Hall & Oates please. I'll send some high quality steel two *transports 5.1 million tons of DT Steel* wrote: Auphelia *scoffs*
Oh, my God, how times have changed!
These girls must be blind or completely deranged. But time seemed to halt When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs!
You can laugh, but life's a test.
Don't do this, don't do that! Remember- Mother knows best. For the crown's in the vault From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs!
*the crowd tosses flowers and jewels on the stage*
I will be performing later this week on the Volaworand Charity Concert! Please remember to donate to this worthy cause!
wrote: The ColdWyvernian Undead *return* Oh Wow it started heavily snow where I live, this year it's getting more snow than it has been for a few year. slams down 150 steel coins I'll take the seat with the tv wrote: Auphelia I'm sorry, but we only accept the pound sterling, per the request of Volaworand. wrote: Codalonia ;-; *asks Britian for 4,300 pounds* now? wrote: Beepee Mmmmmm..... 🤔 2 please wrote: Auphelia Sold!
*hands you two tickets*
Would you be interested in any of our upgrades?
wrote: Beepee Oh yes,
*checks down back of sofa*
*pulls out wads of cash*
Can they be upgraded to ...."For an additional £9,800 you can be in the first five rows and meet the stars backstage in the private lounge any time before, during, and after the show."
My second ticket is for my sugar-baby!
Saxavo wrote: *wakes up*
May I have one ticket please?
wrote: Codalonia *is done building* well its done and Auphelia Volaworand Saxavo wrote: Thank you!
*drifts off to sleep again*
wrote: The ColdWyvernian Undead fair enough *goes to atm to convert currencies* wrote: Sthalrim Ill upgrade for £9,800 please. wrote: Auphelia Sold!
That will be a total of £19,600 extra.
wrote: Beepee The money will be transferred through the usual means..... you should have it in the next 20mins. wrote: Auphelia *checks her offshore accounts*
And . . . it is in.
*gives you the tickets*
Glad to do business with you!
TOTAL RAISED: £25,500 TOTAL NEEDED: £133,000,000,000 wrote: Auphelia If you were there, it makes sense.
If you weren't, it looks like a regular day in TSP.
wrote: Volaworand yeah... my two largest cities reduced to ruble... just a Friday morning :-) wrote: Grimsby town Oh! I was wondering why tickets were being sold! wrote: Auphelia That's what the telethon and concert are for!
The musical guests are soon to be finalised, the location has been set, it will be broadcast all over TSP and TNP, and we already have various corporate sponsors!
The government of Auphelia itself has donated £1,000,000,000 to help.
TOTAL RAISED: £1,375,025,500 TOTAL NEEDED: £133,000,000,000 wrote: Grimsby town Good thing I wasn't affected by the incident!
... Mostly because I don't have any wildlife to put in the zoo.
wrote: Volaworand Don't worry... we're using Site B... :-) nothing will possibli go wrong! Ö possibly... possibly nothing will go wrong. wrote: Auphelia One seat for you!
For an additional £9,800 you can be in the first five rows and meet the stars backstage in the private lounge any time before, during, and after the show.
For an additional £4,800 you can be in the first five rows and meet the stars backstage in the private lounge any time an hour before and after the show.
For an additional £4,300 you can be in the first fifteen rows and meet the stars for thirty minutes backstage before or after the show.
For an additional £3,800 you can be in the first thirty rows and meet the stars before the show and attend the hour long Q&A after the show with the hosts of the telethon and select acts.
For an additional £1,300 you be in the first hundred rows and can attend the hour long Q&A after the show with the hosts of the telethon and select acts.
For an additional £1,000 you can sit on the ground level.
For an additional £800 you can sit on the second balcony.
For an additional £500 you can sit on the third balcony.
For an additional £300 you can get a telescreen to view the telethon at the same time and view the acts up close.
wrote: Commonwealth Of Astoria I bought 10k tickets wrote: Codalonia i will help... wrote: Sthalrim Ill upgrade for £9,800 please. wrote: Volaworand excited for food and shelter for my people :-) wrote: Beepee *provides you with economic and humanitarian aid* Endopico wrote: *spoon feed the people with medicine and some manifestos* wrote: Volaworand hey that reminds me... I built mutual aid and refugee assistance provisions into numerous bilateral treaties... page=dispatch/id=918700 Auphelia Hanguk-Nippon Beepee Kerlodia Mryasia : We are officially requesting activation of our Mutual Aid in Disasters assistance provisions. P R of China
We need food... shelter... fresh SPIT! and musical acts!
wrote: Auphelia We are pleased to offer the following:
£20 Billion Credit Towards Auphelian Goods
£10 Billion in Construction
120,000 Workers and Construction Drones
12,000 Government Agents to deal with refugee services
120,000 Bio-Degradable Bottles of Water
The Complete Reconstruction and Remodel of the Zoo
£2,000, 0% Interest Loan to every private citizen hurt in any way by the incident
£500 Million worth of Auphelian Grains
Our national coffers may suffer, but your national well being is worth any cost.
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