My order was founded when the elite banished the family of Dumas and took power , then the st Dumas founded the order of st dumas in secret and afther so many years the order took revenge and took land and founded the nation of order. But most importantly we have the Azrael watching us (the archangel of death) and we have our protectors : the Azraels (a title that is names afther the angel of death)
Edit: see what you did now i killed the chat!
Good evening, TSP!
After some last minute IT infrastructure fixes, I made it just in time to South Pacific International Airport where I boarded a conventional flight. So far, this was all quite uneventful and comfortable, most of my time pondering what sort of questions I would ask given that a certain other newspaper had already preempted this interview. I arrived on a remote (but somewhat touristy) island, where I was greeted by two individuals that just identified themselves as “minions”. Imagine the two burglars from “Home Alone”, except in better attire, and you have a pretty good picture. I boarded a small propeller aircraft with them; once in the air, they offered me a drink of pop soda, which I happily imbibed before suddenly and involuntarily passing out.
I woke up on a helicopter with the large minion sitting across from me smiling mischievously; either the minion or a groggy hallucination implanted the words “RISE AND SHINE, SUNSHINE” in my head. Rather than ask too many questions that would likely not be appreciated, I looked out the window to notice we are descending into a crater of a cavernous volcano. I was then quickly rushed out of the helicopter with my bag (that certainly had been rummaged in) and escorted inside.
The interior design was sleek and functional, with many metal surfaces and white and red lights. I was greeted by the Admiral General’s assistant, a 6'2” bespectacled women with thin lips, slender as a supermodel, and skin as fair as snow white. She led me down quite a few hallways to what she described as the “inner sanctum” to finally meet the subject of my interview, swiveling to face me in a perfectly orchestrated (and obviously often practiced) manner. There he was — the Admiral General Stewie G., looking not unlike the pictures suggest and sounding like Thomas Sanders would pop up any moment to tell me I had been “Disney pranked (with friends)”.
After taking a seat, I said: “Good morning, Jonathan Relean of Roavin for the Southern Journal. Thank you for the hospitality! Quite the, uh, housing you have here.”
“Yes, I had the foremost brutalist interior designer, Jakob Kristiansen, 'volunteer' several years of his career to designing this volcano to within an inch of his life. Literally. It was quite unfortunate that he soon passed afterwards. I am sure his wife and two children miss him dearly.”
My glance fell to my left, where a passage led to another room with a sign that simply said “vanquished foes”. I opted not to ask.
“This won't be your first GCR delegacy”, I continued. “You were Delegate of Lazarus in 2016. What experiences, good and bad, will you take with you on your way to your second GCR delegacy?”
“Lazarus was certainly a more hands-on experience in that the Delegate was also the Head of Government in a similar respect to how the Prime Minister functions in the South Pacific. However, if I recall correctly, I was Delegate for only two months or so and as such, I can't speak authoritatively about the role. I do think that as Delegate, whether it be for a short time or over multiple terms, and especially as the Head of State, one has to rise above the usual politicking that characterises much of our regional activity (at least much of the offsite activity).”
“Well, that’s a perfect transition to my next question. Our system of a split head of government and head of state isn't that unusual anymore. Balder has had that system for a long time; Lazarus with its democratic reform amendments has moved to that system, and several UCRs such as Thalassia and Europeia have split their head of government function between an outward and an inward facing role. What are your thoughts on this, and do you see this as the model of the future?”
“I'm not entirely sure whether it would be fair to say that this is indeed the system of the future. It's not a novel government structure by any means. Countless regions have been organised in this way for as long as I've been playing the game. From a security standpoint, separating the politics from the mechanical nuclear button (Delegacy) is no doubt an advisable move but whether to transition to such a setup depends on the individual region and their priorities.”
“And you certainly know what it feels like to be at the other end of the nuclear button”, I continued, recalling Amerion’s banjection from Lazarus during its 2017 civil war. The Admiral simply nodded. “Curious Observations did nothing wrong”, I remarked with a smile. “Another Victory for the Khanate”, the Admiral replied sheepishly.
“Moving on”, I remarked while shuffling in my seat, “how was the game-side election? Was it what you expected it to be?”
“My impression of gameside elections where there is no incumbent was informed by last year's election between Aumeltopia and Roavin which was fought right to the end. It was no doubt a nail-bitter and very exciting but I recall the candidates going above and beyond in their outreach efforts. I expected a similar experience with this contest and was surprised to find that it was not the case.”
“When do you expect the transition to conclude?”
“I suspect within a month”, remarked the Admiral. I nodded and muttered “not as long as last time, fortunately”.
“It is fortunate”, he replied, “that I approach this task from the position of a Council on Regional Security member as it means I have less of a gap to the Delegacy than I would had I been under the endorsement cap. Moreover, I have the added benefit of being helped by so many South Pacificans who have done tremendous work in promoting this initiative to increase my endorsements!”
A loud shriek pierced the halls that made me clench in my seat. My interview subject seemed wholly unmoved, as if it was a regular occurrence or even expected. I saw three minions dragging some bag to the “vanquished foes” room. For the sake of the unfinished IT infrastructure work I had left to do on Government Island, I decided not to ask any questions.
After a few moments gathering my composure, I moved on to the next question. “Okay, change of subject. While Integration is under the purview of the Regional Affairs ministry, you as Delegate will of course be the first face that a new nation needs when being founded, be it because the second Telegram they receive is from you, or because you're at the top of the regional page. What do you see as your role in the integration efforts of the region”?
“I am very fortunate because this role affords me the opportunity to indoctrinate a new generation of minions into the way of…Amerion's Benevolent 'Democr— .. the South Pacific. As the Palpatine to their Skywalker, I shall instruct them about how our region functions and introduce them to various pathways where they can learn more about TSP. Of course, in doing so, I will be working closely with the Minister of Regional Affairs, Erinor, and I expect for some tentative policies/guidelines to be drawn up in the first few weeks or so.”
“Well, that was all of my prepared questions. Thank you Admiral. “
“Admiral General”, he corrected me.
“You know”, I surmised somewhat bravely, “what do you say of the reports that beneath the veneer of a brutal dictator such as yourself lies an empathetic person that just needs a few hugs?”
The Admiral General tensed up. “No. I have a heart of the finest stones. There is no feeling in this Delegate-elect. Only Ice cream.”
“Are you… do you want a hug?”
A thick veneer of silence laid itself across the halls. After a brief moment, distant whimpering could be heard from down the hall.
“What is a hug?”, the Admiral General finally replied, ostensibly more explosive than he intended.
[This part of the interview has been redacted for purposes of regional Security by order of Admiral General Stewie G. of Amerion, member of the Council on Regional Security]
After we finished [redacted], I grabbed my bag and left for the door. Before leaving the room, I turned and asked: “Cake or pie?”
“Ice cream cake or ice cream pie?”
“No cake. No pie. Just ice cream.”
I nodded and left the room, and was picked up by the two minions from earlier. As we walked down the halls, I received confirmation that I would have the “honor” of receiving another drink.
I sighed, and asked: “Can you mix it with whiskey this time?”
Now the question is what my first Delegate order should be?? Should I start installing my cronies like Puddles the Puppy into positions of immense responsibility such as solving the Middle East issue even though they have no qualififcations? Questions ... questions ... questions ...