by Max Barry

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The Fattest Citizens in Primitiveness

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, Primitiveness is ranked 10,341st in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Advanced Technocracy of Really Smart KansasIron Fist Consumerists Imperialist Pig Dog Oppressors“First in the US to burn down the patent office 👍”
2.The Most Serene Republic of Curious Your Name Is Wynne And YetRight-wing Utopia Corrupt Thieving Uneducated Fascist Fundamentalists“I could reanimate myself, but where's the fun in that?”
3.The Stringent Dietary Regimen of A Horse Thicc Enough to Carry YouNew York Times Democracy Corporate-Dominated Sham Democracy“Thicc enough to carry you, your hopes, and your dreams.”
4.The Twelve Subways of Make Me A SaanichIron Fist Consumerists Imperialist Pig Dog Oppressors“Five Dollaar Footlongs”
5.The Credit Fraud Is Old News of Thieves are stealing my hemoglobinAnarchy Post-Revolution Embryonic Society“Those blasted internet thieves...”
6.The Desperate Relevancy Attempts of I have no context and I must agendapostIron Fist Consumerists Imperialist Pig Dog Oppressors“I'm back after 50 years, I heard there was a raid?”
7.The 480 sugar grams of Bandai NanaimoRight-wing Utopia Corrupt Thieving Uneducated Fascist Fundamentalists“Located in Gundam BC, The Dark Souls of Canada”
8.The Jungler of Zendikar of Planeswalker Jayce TalisMoralistic Democracy Narrow-Minded Backwoodsy Bigots“Happy Progress Day!”
9.The Confusable Snack Food of Dogs That Look Like CoconutsInoffensive Centrist Democracy Fascists“Idk why they're so...the way they are...”
10.The 10 kilometres of Bolder BoulderNew York Times Democracy Corporate-Dominated Sham Democracy“Roads are for Rhodes”
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