This news post is by Game Moderator and World Assembly Resolution Wrangler Ardchoille. It is, of course, incomprehensible to those of us who don't closely follow the minutia of World Assembly legislation. And quite rightly so. If it were simple and easily understood, it wouldn't be the World Assembly. But here is the short version: There is a new category available to resolution authors named "Health," and the "Environmental" category has gained new options.
The World Assembly,
NOTING that a large proportion of nations never wash behind their ears,
BELIEVING that it's years since most of them cleaned their fingernails, and
TOTALLY CONVINCED that they'd live on peanut butter and two-minute noodles if we let them,
ABROGATES TO ITSELF the power to muck about to its heart's content with healthcare in member nations,
INSISTS that nations extract large sums from their citizenry in the name of aid, development and research, and
INVOKES the spirits of those renowned medicos Dr Hannibal Lecter, Doctor Doom and Doctor Moreau to gently guide international moral decisions in the minefields of bioethics.
FURTHERMORE, the WA,
FED TO THE BACK TEETH with trying to think up proposals for Trout Fishing,
MANDATES that everyone take a decent swing at miners, loggers, manufacturers and people who do things with (and possibly to) automotive machines and
TURNS A REVEALING SPOTLIGHT on the wicked practices of Agriculturalists, while still casting a beady eye on ALL BUSINESSES whatsoever, because they're probably DOING THINGS TO THE ENVIRONMENT.
FINALLY, the WA
WELCOMES anyone who enjoys starting sentences with verbs in capital letters,
PIOUSLY HOPES that one day the Secretary-General will return to us, and
THANKS the Admins and Techies who made this all possible, while
URGING all who oppose our benevolent rule to inflict any abusive emails, repeals, insultingly small bribes, etcetera, on the Secretariat, as it's
TOO LATE TO STOP US NOW mWA-hah-haaahhhh!
Interviewed on the effect of the new WA category on life, the universe and everything, a sober sapient found dancing quietly in the Strangers Bar said it would undoubtedly cure cancer, end the Spon Plague in Upper Examplestan, stop Ponies getting stones in their hooves and turn the tide in the recurrent zombie infestations.
"I can very confidently predict that it will improve the world, one Resolution at a time," he said, disappearing into a nearby blue police box.