by Max Barry

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Region: Agora

So, everyone, you messed up something today? Well, okay. Just remember: You probably didn't mess up as badly as Donald Curray did on August 6, 1964.

That's the day he got tired of taking tree core samples, and so grabbed a chainsaw and cut down the world's oldest tree to see how old it was. Turns out, it was at least 4,862 years old! And further, turns out it was the oldest known organism in the universe. Whoopsie-doopsie!

That's a bad mess-up, but it did lead to a movement--that Donald helped--toward conserving the park where the tree had been growing. So ... silver linings?

Anyway, whenever I do something stupid, I think to myself: "At least I didn't kill the oldest living thing on Earth today." It's a low bar, but I clear it regularly, and so do you, probably. And in the end, so did Donald.

Yes, it's true--sorry, Donald. Sorry you weren't more like Tom Harlan. In 2009, Tom took a core sample from a tree that was reportedly 5,062 years old, which would have made it an even-older oldest living thing on Earth. Tom kept both the tree's and the core sample's locations secret to protect them, then died in 2013 without telling anyone where either is! Ha!--Ladies, gentlemen, and others, the Most Legendary Mess-Up of All Time Award goes to Tom Harlan! Now go out there and enjoy your life of more mundane mess-ups.

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