by Max Barry

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«12. . .588589590591592593594. . .613614»

SeattleNinja008 wrote:West Coast, Best Coast

Censored for misinformation



Please report to your local Tiger office for immediate reeducation.

Imperio Ex Terrae wrote:Hello,

Please report to your local Tiger office for immediate reeducation.

What are you, EA sports?

Finestand Islands wrote:What are you, EA sports?

You may call me Tennis, because you are about to get served.

Imperio Ex Terrae wrote:You may call me Tennis, because you are about to get served.

Oh dinner? You shouldn’t have! Thanks!

Finestand Islands wrote:Oh dinner? You shouldn’t have! Thanks!

Yes, I cooked your favorite, brussel sprout and asparagus soup. Please enjoy, I have labored for many days.

Imperio Ex Terrae wrote:Yes, I cooked your favorite, brussel sprout and asparagus soup. Please enjoy, I have labored for many days.

That legit is delicious meal

Aroltia wrote:No. Eastern time zone best time zone

Then why do yall go to bed so early

Imperio Ex Terrae wrote: /Buzhani Propaganda/

So as my fellow king Dagoth Uur graciously said, West Coast is not "the best coast". This implies the west coast has something to offer which based on this chart clearly it does not. We cannot allow Best Coast propaganda to be posted especially when it's inaccurate.

SeattleNinja008 wrote:Then why do yall go to bed so early

Sorry I was sleeping what did you say?

Mod Update:
Winny and I worked on the Mod Reply, we only have one more response left but both of us are termed "tired". We'll run through her and finish it a little later today (Friday). Apologies. We could rush it but it's already 4 am, and me sleepy from work and working out.

If its any indication we tried to make something fun this turn for everyone, we are at 8 pages in the document :D so plenty for everyone to nom at.

Draedrakania your not getting your Argonians back :)

Post self-deleted by Draedrakania.

Eldurgoth wrote:

Unacceptable. Please report for processing, First Lieutenant.

Pruthuania wrote:

What are we supposed to do with it

Nova Hrodsk wrote:What are we supposed to do with it


9 pages of roleplay. Apologies for the tardiness it was a long evening for the both of us. As always if you see anything or want clarification come to me or Eldy. Thank you~!

Montealba 1994

Tagword: Deicide

“The grey, dreary sky…O’er the pales, shabby and old,
The sapless bindweed has cast its yellow veil,
And on the earth lie twigs, wind-broken and frail;
All things are gripped by the harsh autumnal cold,
Everything is desolate, lifeless and grey.

As if weary nature yielded to death’s sway,
And it’s silently passing away.

Stooping in solemn grief, down the muddy trek
Moves the sad cortege. The scrawny little nag
Slowly draws the hearse, stretching its long neck-
As the drizzle falls, the cortege is passing so
Devout and slow.”

The Grey, Dreary Sky by Vojislav Ilić

The Imamate of Eldurgot

Great Imam of Eldurgot! Your steady guidance and advice in this war are a strong boon to your people! The Russians have been rather passive on the Mukumbura line, providing only probing assaults and suppression of the soldiers. The artillery batteries are keeping excellent fire but Russian planes are still a menace. Despite the best efforts of the AA gunner, out of 27 runbys, hits were only registered on 5 of them and zero planes were actually brought down. This performance is unacceptable but just as the AA hasn’t been able to shoot down any planes the planes have destroyed very few Artillery positions and the Mukumbura line still holds!

The Eldurgothic airforce, an impressive sight on the local level gets a hard dish of reality after 2 Eludgothic MiG-17s were running a patrol around the province when they came across a single Russian Su-25, after the plane refused hails, it turned and fired on one of the Eldurgothic planes, getting a hit on its engine and blowing it up in the sky, its pilot not even having a chance to eject. The remaining MiG-17 returned fire but missed its shots as the Russian plane came around behind it, the dogfight between the two planes lasted only a couple minutes as 3 Eldurgothic planes arrived and drove the Russian plane off. Despite the loss of only a single plane and its pilot this dogfight showed minor flaws in the airforce, from communication to tactics these holes are minor but against a superior foe are dangerous in the long run. Luckily, a pilot of Vissegard, a famed ace from the Soviet-Afghan war comes up from the province and offers his service to the Eldurgothics. Despite his former service to the Soviet air force he holds only contempt for its successor and will gladly volunteer his life to see them expelled from his country.

On the ground the situation in Yanshmid remains tense. The village itself remains a neutral area, its thousand or so occupants long since evacuated and Eldurgot nor Russia can claim full control of the village. The superiority of Russian technology and training makes them effective in the streets and buildings. But the Eldurgothics' knowledge of the village and surroundings makes ambushes very easy and prevent the Russians from being able to capitalize on breakthroughs. Helicopters and planes still make runs, most likely dropping supplies and reinforcements. A suspicion confirmed after a lucky hit by an RPG brings down a Russian helicopter on the Eldurgothic side of the front and an inspection finds lots of arms and munitions among the bodies.

The operation for the seizure of Mayzuba begins without much trouble. Under the cover of darkness all the teams make it across without a problem. The Russians only notice something amiss 2 days later after a single man is shot at the border. He didn’t have anything valuable on him. Sent by the teams to orally relay a message and so the Russians are unable to do anything about the Eldurgoths they inevitably know are in their borders...for now.

The Nation of Islam in Konptom are happy to accept a non-aggression pact with Eldurgoth but are currently not convinced in joining their war. While they are open to joint-training and relations they see the Russian war as a general defense of a Montealban province and do not call on Jihad to rush to the Eldurgothics aide.

The Cult of Drug

Hey f̵̟̥̣͚̲̌̓̈́̅̊͘͝ͅr̷͓̗̙͖͔̮̹͗́̚̕ị̶̰̥͈̖̗̿͛̒ͅę̸̟̀̀̌̿͜n̵͈̣̫̱̬̔͜ͅd̸̻̫̤̗̞͍̐̍̆́̈́̓!

wHY Don’T u RespOND f̵̟̥̣͚̲̌̓̈́̅̊͘͝ͅr̷͓̗̙͖͔̮̹͗́̚̕ị̶̰̥͈̖̗̿͛̒ͅę̸̟̀̀̌̿͜n̵͈̣̫̱̬̔͜ͅd̸̻̫̤̗̞͍̐̍̆́̈́̓?????


Drugovichi scared of their God’s wrath, please f̵̟̥̣͚̲̌̓̈́̅̊͘͝ͅr̷͓̗̙͖͔̮̹͗́̚̕ị̶̰̥͈̖̗̿͛̒ͅę̸̟̀̀̌̿͜n̵͈̣̫̱̬̔͜ͅd̸̻̫̤̗̞͍̐̍̆́̈́̓, you wouldn;t like Друг when he’s ANGRY.

Plus without your leadership the Lost IRA continues to goad us, Drugovichi use few cars. Imports from old days. But now IRA make them explodey! Destroy many f̵̟̥̣͚̲̌̓̈́̅̊͘͝ͅr̷͓̗̙͖͔̮̹͗́̚̕ị̶̰̥͈̖̗̿͛̒ͅę̸̟̀̀̌̿͜n̵͈̣̫̱̬̔͜ͅd̸̻̫̤̗̞͍̐̍̆́̈́̓!!! They wants our yellow cakes, we knows it. They needs it for the thatcheries, please lead us.


The situation in the southerly province is still tense.

The barrages and sniper fire around Čečensko where militant fire continues to wear down on Vinfálov-Meyle Liberation Front forces. A sniper even wounds the commanding officer of Juliet Company and kills his second, and the following morning another barrage rattled Root-Beerian positions, with one shell bursting into a poisonous white mist and flaming hot shrapnel, white phosphorus. That shell maimed at least 3 soldiers and killed just as many when it burst just behind a bunker’s position. You knew the stockpile in Čečensko was vast, but it's clear they have a variety of munitions to lace the position with.

The fortress itself is a heavy brown-brick star fort renovated several times by first the Krumpelbergians and later the Soviets to protect Anise bay from practically any assault, and later as a military academy in a backfiring attempt to create a Soviet officer corps out of Montealban youths. The ravelins and redoubts, bonnettes and lunettes, tenailles, tenaillons, counterguards, crownworks, hornworks, curvettes, fausse brayes, scarps, cordons and banquettes and counterscarps all create a hellish bastion to surmount in an actual assault, the last attempt by you was almost but not successful. Inside the cadets and soldiers are hardline Hocherlanists and are enamoured with Spiridon Stojanović as broadcast can still be heard from loudspeakers in the fortress booming, and are resolved to take every opportunity they get for a breakthrough. Now despite the monumental fortress guarding the inner core, the further outside positions are less, unsurmountable. Whilst your forces are able to put pressure from the north, both east and west of the fortress are a series of trenches hastily constructed and only moderately manned with machine guns and infantry. Sniper fire and barrages will be pounding on an attempt at these positions but there might be other ways to breach the fortress.

In the meantime, the positions along Tigrova and Kopa are still contested as clashes across the Samsi are gridlocked. The Root-Beerian dish-out just as much as they receive, and several Blankytnan positions fall silent, only for them to return with renewed vigor seeking revenge. The bridge along the Samsi between the two villages is now riddled with bullet holes and a sizable chunk ripped off from the road itself. In Sv.Drakeye a mortar shell blew off the roof to the town’s cathedral, and wounded the local Hochik priest who was about to ring it for the upcoming sermon. He is seen weeping from his wounds, although he states not for his wounds, but for “Hocherlan’s wayward sons, bickering amongst each other”.

The stronghold at Sv.Ciberus continues to be a question, as the buildup has grown. Scouts report tanks, armoured personnel carriers, a few hinds, and plenty of mortars. The recruits are of all ages and seem radical, with Spiridon Stojanović personally training them. The highways between Sv.Ciberus and Svit, where the local fronts have an uptick in skirmishing. Around Sv. Marisa, where Hocherlan’s very wife is venerated, the fighting is minimal. Deadly quiet, yet the buildup of the north threatens this position no matter the angle. In the same tone, the movement of Stojanović’s forces might be able to be slowed by maintaining a presence or engaging them.

Near Anise proper a cargo truck was being inspected by local Hrdlina guards when the driver floored his vehicle into through the post and was luckily stopped by a private’s bravery, the vehicle was opened to reveal a treasure trove of explosive and signed orders by one of militias to destroy bridges between Anise and Sv. Marisa.

Refugees in Anise, continue to mount as a shanty city erupts at the northern gates, most fleeing persecution. Notably many of the recent batch of enlistment age or slightly younger. A small gang of them proclaim they wish to join the ranks as volunteers, many rarely have started shaving and some are girls, cutting their hair short and practicing drills they saw their fathers did before the war.

In the search for a weapons dealer, there are several options. For one, the Russians do have...resources. In fact billions of dollars worth of high quality munitions left over from the Union, it's an incredible stockpile. These stockpiles are closely monitored by the oligarch Anatoly "G-Wagon Bling '' Chubavina, a brutal businessman when angered by he could easily get you materials, although this would imply you help the Russian Federation as well. Their close rival in arm trade is Goldwell Investment Ltd., an odd western investment firm that is as dubious as the Russians. Each would definitely want certain...levels of ownership in the Province’s industries and expect payment. Both have exactly what your troops need...desperately and that's shells and guns to load those in. To arrange a meeting, you’re gonna have to offer something they want. Choosing either one ensures plenty of munitions and support but again you’re dealing with the shady underworld and suits.

There are alternatives, the elusive Parshenis for example, the nomadic tradesmen, they’re more than willing to smuggle for you for a price of course, money and a few weeks in your lands trading plus protection. But if you need shells, tanks, or big guns, they’ll find them and sell you them no matter the quality. At present, the closest group of them would be the Trovars, who are expected to leave Nasunia’s capital and head through Spezia, however if you’re quick you can catch them before they reach the border and advise them to head to Anise.

And lastly, although it's pretty risque, the EU could at the very least provide the payment for any of these transactions. Of course you can’t just ask them for a loan and expect them to pay, especially for something like guns and ammunition but who says you have to be completely truthful. Though one has to wonder, will they ever realize where they’re money is going as far as you know, the young trade union might not even know what is even going on in your province, both an opportunity and perhaps a flaw with getting money from them.

Buzhan has shells as well, and guns as do other provinces, whether they’re willing to part with them willingly is another question.

Republic of Spezia
Nova Hrodsk
Most foreign nations are still deciding to remain mostly neutral on the war going on in the small country. Minister Drogârski able to make it through The Republic of Auroran with his Spezian passport, Auroran being 1 of 2 countries in the world(The other being some provinces in Montealba) recognizing Spezian passports as a “Regional Government Issued Foreign Identification Certificate'' and allowing the minister through, it takes his procession a day to reach the Nasunian border where he is briefly hindered by the Nasunians not recognizing his Spezian passport, his Montealban passport allowed him passage but the Nasunians held him up at the border for almost an entire day as they were celebrating a national holiday to Saint Jon Bon Jovi.

Arriving at Tirkan International Airport Minister Drogârski hires a guide to lead him through the airport, which services international flights for Nasunia, Auroran, and Montealba and is very busy because of it. “Of course sir, where can I lead you? We currently have tickets to America, France, Kaiserreich, and Russia. We have a few domestic flights as well if that interests you?”

The Prince

If it is Stuyevka security alone that the Prince craves, his many attendees barring the Drabants surely did not expect this answer. Fico and Pellegrini, most definitely did not. The country was in shambles and he was thinking only of the capital, they sighed, a start atleast. All could agree that the country’s dissolution was already at hand and to try and assert power now would only lead to an absolute downfall.

If it is the city alone however they wish to secure, there are a few obstacles in their way. Most of Stuyevka is still ancient, the city walls themselves choked development as the Prince’s power always ensured Communist development would be restricted to the confines of the walls. In this regard, the architecture of Stueyvka is a garbling bubbling stew of Soviet-era apartments and bureaucratic offices (many of which are abandoned) mixing with ancient stone and Wattle and daub homes held together with cheap plaster. Cobblestone alleyways and roads strike across train tracks and the old Soviet highways. Whilst the Drabants hold the walls and gatehouses with absolute authority, the streets are claimed by many different gangs and outside elements. As previously mentioned, it's clear foreigners are in the streets either wanting to get inside or influence the monarch, likely some sort of spies. You don’t really know but funny men with funny accents have been shooting at each other in dangerous high speed chases. If you want Stuyevka safe, the local crime and gangs have to disperse or be stopped.

Speaking of funny foreigners, the EU liaison recently mailed a letter to you. It's been a year or so since this funny organization replaced the older European Economic Community (EEC), so their memory of Montealba is only reflected in its precursor’s documents. A nameless and soulless grey bureaucrat has sent a letter requesting your allotted “Slavic Reinvigoration Stipend”, some outdated loan they used to give to the post-Soviet administration to buy their favor in the region. By the way it is typed you surmise it's a Kaiserreicher that wrote this, they lament in broken German that the “European Union extends its arms once more to the disparaged Slavic people of former COMECON. We wish to request a record of your democratic initiatives and the status of your current ruling officials, your loan in the amount of 10 million EUROs will be gifted upon the return of this form”. This amount you know is...staggering don’t have any officials really except your many attendees. The legislature collapsed under Hocherlan who forged the papers to get this loan in the first place? What are you supposed to do, lie? Will they ever learn about the current crisis? Do they even know what’s going on? Who knows, all you know is this is a ripe opportunity for some money.

Vareha responds aptly, the next day several heavy duty pickup trucks roll into the palace, with bulky and musky men. They’re absolute brutes, lifting up massive young apricot tree saplings and requesting where to plant them. They quickly are shown where to plant them followed by your palatial gardening staff. Vareha briefs you in a letter, “Ah Triggy, can I call you Triggy, listen I know you love apricots and I know I couldn’t leave you hanging as a fellow noblemen of a rich bloodline, so I managed to have some spare sapling around for you to plant and get this three crates of fresh apricots, seems they were left in my freezing houses haha. I also threw in some preservatives of course, top of the shelf. Don’t worry by the way, my staff will ensure the saplings produce the most succulent apricots for your dumplings, I promise.”

You find the last sentence odd until your gardening staff mysteriously don’t show up to work and the burly men seem to have taken over their work. You notice the tulips and roses look a bit more vibrant but they seem just as competent as your old staff.

Another letter arrives from Vareha, “Triggy buddy, my old Prince, hey listen I heard through my contractors that some of your ministers haven’t been trying to...lay an embargo on the sale of my goods in Stuyevka, a bit rude wouldn’t you say. Well I don’t want any trouble, and to avoid something bad happening, lets just say, maybe you could make it so I’m the only one selling produce and livestock in Stuyevka...I mean beside the local peasant stocks.- Sincerely Marquis de Apricot Vareha

Knights of Vladimir

The sounds of your trumpets echo across the province of Vissegard and there are many players fighting for dominance over the former manufacturing frontier of the Soviets. The Meygerian radicals HUNÖR and the Kara-Uzbek Khanate are chief among the enemies of any conquest of this province but your possible ally of Vareha is equally intrigued by your response (which is btw what, that wasn’t explained only that you’re responding toward him).

Your men up in Brynelica are perhaps in the most precarious of positions, surrounded on all sides by Eldurgothic, wild men of the north many of whom submit even as Orthodoxs to the might of the Imam. Despite this, his forces are right on the Vissegard border and the wrath he could have on your enemies is worth considering, or perhaps his subjects can be swayed to your side although this will make you an enemy of the Imam.

Marno Brdo, is right next to the capital of Stueyvka, conquest of it or allying with the Prince gives massive amounts of legitimacy to your conquest but the walls and streets are formidable, it cannot easily be taken.

Pashto Selo is also in a predicament in Spezia province, the people here are divided and very warlike, swaying any faction to support you would be wise as they likely don’t like you one what they consider your mountains.

The most powerful of your fiefs at Kosec will be poise to confront any foe.

Your crusade as it were has many paths. But what and where will you strive to go.

(Since you wanna do offensive actions, simply state the villages you want to start occupying and I can write what happens if you face resistance or how factions react. Your RP is actually well written but we need a movement or a decision that we can say has impact)

Your call for a crusade does have some support, in Vissegard itself, several hundred recruits are marshalled, half of which are old but they can still serve in logistics as scribes or other capacities. The Orthodox here in Montealba are devout Hocherlanist, so the capture of saintly towns (those with Sv. in the title) are of great importance to marshalling more supporters. These might not need to be taken by physical force, but definitely a decision to be made.

Siesty Dom
Dagoth Uur

The internal conflict along the sacred mountain of Montealba is intriguing to some especially those who wish to gain profit from it.

The Dom Sovietov Revolutionary Movement receives two boons from the east via Arben. At first the guards were going to shoot them until they recognized the greying man’s visage, Sovko Spartović, the last Premier of Montealba before the Union fell and the Iron Curtain faded off Montealba. Most thought he was killed in the riots or by Hocherlan himself, but there he stood before the guard, his old trench coat emblazoned with medals, twin Heroes of the Soviet Union alongside at least a dozen other medallions, some say it's a miracle he wasn’t disbarred or had those ripped off his chest as allegedly his father was a Trotskyist. The old man simply nodded to the guards whilst his entourage moved forward with some carrying crates, almost all of the balding or middle-aged. Sovko is quick in explaining, “I heard there was at least one last chance for the dream of Marx left in Montealba, we are few in number scattered by the devils. But we will fight on. These are my brothers in arms from Stuyevka, half my strength remaining there. True party men all, each at least one condemnation from the Kremlin brass. Use them well, and the...well relics they carry, some of those used when my father led volunteers in Berlin. Use them, they’re gathering dust in my attic. Oh and one last gift” he waved forth a blindfolded man in a lab coat.

“I caught him in a dive bar in Stuyevka, can you believe it. Boris Golubevod
Montealba’s premier ballistic specialist rendered him drinking and cast out by his hiding Soviet scientific brethren for suspicious activity. Western spy maybe, *spit* but he knows something, something I once had keys to hidden away in that mountain you’re fighting so hard for. He wouldn’t talk to me, but then again, I didn’t apply proper constraints, perhaps you would. But I have business to attend to, best wishes tovarisch”.

And with that the man faded back down the mountain. Where he went and what he planned perhaps the Communists will not know until they are stronger.

Meanwhile in Kogorun, a group of merchants with Vareha’s sigil were harassed by Šiesty Dom Farmers Unions of the north, claiming the merchants were trying to buy property from the deceased widows of soldiers. The claims are dubious but not under Vareha’s realms of possibility. Whilst Vareha is a shifty fellow, he does harness massive amounts of capital and munitions, enough to feed your forces indefinitely, and his men would likely make your ash-fields bloom with produce...but its Vareha, the man doesn’t like...competition.

In a bit of slight news, Balmorvce got some odd travellers right beyond the bridge, Parshenis. Odd travelling nomadic merchants with dubious origins, dubious goods, and strange customs. Its Chubis vaida of the Rezvans that leads this group of Parshenis. He of course offers the residents of Balmorvce to browse the wares, but also the voivode men if they wish. They claim to have some exotic Kalashnikovs, but your men report upon looking at the specimens...something is off with them. Yes they are indeed AKs, but they it the barrel length? The wood grain? Something...worrying, but supplies are supplies and they do have ammunition. Chubis vaida also offers if the voivode is interested in a...smuggling contract...anything he wants...for a price. And of course, with any dealings with his people it will arrive “as is”. Beyond that the odd people sing and dance around massive bonfires and seem jolly although they always have several of them boxing in the corner or practicing marksmanship atop an ATV.

Transbuzhanian Theatre of Operations (T-TVO)
Imperio Ex Terrae

The barrage is short yet devastating. Each time the artillery fires its shells the earth responds in kind with a shudder. The creeping barrage on Nasunian positions all along the border are devastating as the Nasunian border units are caught completely off guard and annihilated for their lack of awareness. Once the barrage is called off the land looks like something out of a dystopia, craters and small fires litter the area as border forts and outposts lie flattened with blown-up body parts littering the region.

A few small surviving detachments are still around to provide a token resistance to the initial advance. An advance near Delija is caught up in a firefight from a small surviving platoon but the firefight lasts only a moment with no casualties on either side and the village is taken to the sounds of cheers from the largely Montealban populace. About a dozen young men volunteer to join Sergei's corps from the village. In the first days of fighting it was the only village seized by the Buzhani. Multiple pieces of military equipment are still looted from intact cellars and storages on the border helping to better arm and restock ammunition and equipment for the army.

So far the only organized response from Nasunia comes from a minor bombing of Posava by 2 Nasunian aircraft. But all it manages to achieve is the destruction of the only paved road in the town and the windows were blown off a shop nearby. Although Stuyevka and the Prince(Trigori) are contacted by the Nasunian ambassador to Montealba demanding he explain this border transgression and to call off the Buzhani soldiers or Nasunia will consider it an act of war and respond in kind.

Overall though the Nasunians have few resources to defend their border currently. The Buzhani are optimistic in an initial advance but already some are concerned if their unit can fight against all Nasunia. Despite their rather backward people and culture, they do have the resources of an entire nation on their side.

Meyle wrote: blah blah Aroltia tell me stuff

Yeah I should’ve done that, whoops

Vestonnia wrote:[nation]Draedrakania.[/nation] your not getting your Argonians back :)

We have a proven case of argonianknapping....AIR DROP THE TANKS!

Vestonnia wrote:Draedrakania your not getting your Argonians back :)

When will you realise? The more you take the less you have.

drakeye wrote:We have a proven case of argonianknapping....AIR DROP THE TANKS!

and another one goes in the book

Pruthuania wrote:and another one goes in the book

Huh...that book is trying to eat me...A BOOK IS TRYING TO EAT MY HAND!runs around smacking book hand into things to get it off

Dang shawty OK

*Lurks on the RMB*

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