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Founder: Nui-ta

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Rudest Citizens: 134th Most Avoided: 165th Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 230th+30
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  1. 4

    Index Nocturi

    MetaReference by Nui-ta . 229 reads.

Embassies: Tyran, Ajax, Greater Ixnay, and Gholgoth.

Tags: Casual, Founderless, Map, Minuscule, Modern Tech, Password, Serious, Silly, and Social.

Noctur contains 4 nations.

Today's World Census Report

The Largest Insurance Industry in Noctur

The World Census posed as door-to-door salespeople in order to establish which nations have the most extensive Insurance industries.

As a region, Noctur is ranked 2,562nd in the world for Largest Insurance Industry.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Federation of RadiatiaCapitalizt Self-Congratulatory Merchant Bankers“Individualism and Efficiency”
2.The Republic of SeglandFather Knows Best State Suspiciously Conservative Democracy“Hail to the New Realm”
3.The People's Republic of Rango MangoPsychotic Dictatorship Fascist Dictatorship“Elections are divisive and a threat to democracy.”
4.The Union of PoldaniaLeft-wing Utopia Utopia“Uniten et Zurregnen”

Regional Happenings

More...

Noctur Regional Message Board

I started writing this 18 months ago and have finally finished it:

Overview:

Radiatian (Ra‡ijazija to Aarwei) is the official language of the Radiatian Federation.

It is often classified as as a Germanic language, however there are clear Japonic and Slavic influences.

It originated in the Radiatian State of Radia and was later adopted as the official federal language of Radiatia. 99% of Radiatians speak it, although not all Radiatians speak it in their day-to-day lives as Radiatia is a multilingual, multi-ethnic federation.

There exist many dialects and accents of Radiatian. For example the Radian dialect tends to be more nuanced and complex than other dialects, such as the Central Radiatian dialect.

The Xerconian dialect is considered the "offical" dialect, due to it being a more simplified version of the original language and therefore easier to learn as a second language.

Radiatian originally had its own script but switched to a modified version of the Latin alphabet known as the Radiatian alphabet.

The Radiatian alphabet contains 37 letters, as opposed to the traditional 26 used in the Latin alphabet. Most of these letters are just additional vowel sounds, however there are 4 extra consonants.

The Alphabet

For the most part, Radiatian uses to Roman Alphabet - but with some notable differences, in the form of three extra consonants and various punctuation marks that often denote sounds not found in English.

Basic Alphabet:

Letter

Sound in English

Notes

Aa

"A" as in "Armed Forces of the Radiatian Federation"

Bb

"B" as in "Best country ever"

Cc

"S" as in "So much better than other countries"

Dd

"J" as in "Join the Radiatian military"

Ee

"E" as in "Elections are quite common"

Ff

Soft "Th" as in "Thin people are quite rare"

Ƒƒ

Hard "Th" as in "The Radiatian Federation"

An F with a ǂ'akhten (see below) makes the same sound as Ƒ, i.e. F' is the same as Ƒ.

Gg

"G" as in "Greasy Joe's"

Hh

"H" as in "Hands down the greatest nation ever"

If found after a consonant can have a ǂ'akhten effect (see below)

Ii

"Ee" as in "Easily Noctur's greatest country"

Jj

"Y" as in "Radiatia - F*** Yeah!"

Kk

"K" as in "Radiatia is kind of awesome!"

Ll

"L" as in "I Love Radiatia"

Mm

"M" as in "Man this country is great!"

Nn

"N" as in "No country will ever be as great as Radiatia"

Oo

"O" as in "Greasy Joe"

Pp

"P" as in "Radiatia is the most powerful country"

Qq

"Ky" as in "The people in charge of the Kyoto Protocol would faint if they saw how bad the environment is in Radiatia"

Rr

"R" as in "Radiatia... rocks"

Ŧ'akhten indicates R is rolled (R')

Ss

"Z" as in "Zero countries are better, richer or stronger than Radiatia"

ßъ

"Sh" as in "She is a Radiatian bride that I bought"

Tt

"T" as in "Television is amazing in Radiatia"

Ŧǂ

"Dt" as in German "Stadt"

Not an English sound, but halfway between a "T" (for "Tom") sound and a "D" (for "Dog") Sound. With a Ŧ'akhten it is pronounced as "D" for "Dog"

Uu

"Oo" as in "Soon Radiatia will rule the world!"

Vv

"F" as in "Far better than other countries"

Ww

"V" as in "Very efficient country"

Xx

"X" as in "Radiatia has extreme weather"

Yy

"W" as in "Wow, what an awesome country"

Zz

"Ts" as in "Tsenyen"

Vowels:

Radiatian vowels are confusing, even to native speaking Radiatians, but most of the vowels have various modifiers which reflect how they are pronounced. Different Radiatian dialects also have different rules concerning vowels and some Radiatians are lazy and will just use the usual five vowels and force you to guess based on context clues or memory (which, to be fair, is what happens in English.) The below list is of the most common ones, but is by no means exhaustive:

Vowel

Pronunciation

Notes:

Ää

Short "A" as in "Hand", "And", "Bad"

Ăă

"I" as in "Hi", "Ey" as in "Eye", "Ye" as in "Bye"

Sometimes "ai" is used for the same pronunciation

Āā

"Ay" as in "Day", "Gay", "Yay"

It is just as common for words to use "ei" for the same pronunciation such as "Aarwei" (language)

Öö

"O" as in "Or", "Floor", "Door"

Ōō

"O" as in "bottle", "on", "John"

Some dialects of English (e.g. American) do not have this sound. It can best be described as partway between an "Ah" sound and an "Or" sound.

Ŏŏ

"O" as in "Cow", "Wow", "Sour"

Üü

"E" as in "her", "brother", "were"

Өө

Schwa sound approximately analogous to "I" as in "In", "Bin" but contrasted with "I" in Radiatian which is a more pronounced "Ee" sound.

Arguably the most confusing letter for foreigners and is rarely used in modern Radiatian outside of formal writing - today Radiatians will just stick two consonants together for the same effect. For example the word "Union" can be written as either "Nfn" or "Өnfөn" and both are correct and pronounced the same. The abbreviation for the RPSU in Radiatian is written as "RHZN" in modern times but in communist times would have been written as "RHZӨ"

Ŧ'akhten and the Magic Letter H:

Despite having a few extra letters, the Radiatian alphabet still isn't enough for all the consonant sounds (several of which have no English equivalent).

There are two modifiers to look out for:

First is the Ŧ'akhten ("Dakh-ten") which is basically an apostrophe in the middle of the word that signifies that the preceding consonant will be pronounced with a hard sound.

The most common example is that on its own "R" is pronounced softly, and there is no trill - team it up with a ǂ'akhten though, and that R is going to be rolled.

The second is that sometimes when the letter h follows a certain other letter, it signifies that a new sound is to be made (and usually one without an English equivalent.)

H-modified sounds:

Paired letters:

Description:

Gh

Rare but like a "Kh" sound but voiced, giving it a softer sound overall

Kh

Pretty common in Radiatian. Like the Cyrillic "X" sound, or German "Ich" (pronounced hard) or Scottish "loch". The sound is made at the back of the throat, and tends to linger slightly longer than a regular K sound.

Lh

Not quite an L and not quite an R - equivalent is Japanese "R" sound, or Chinese "Lh" sound as in "Lhasa".

Sh

"S" as in "Pleasure", "Leisure"

Zh

"Ch" as in "Chair", "Chocolate"

The word "ǂ'akhten" is a great introduction to both concepts - the word contains a ǂ'akhten (so you know the "ǂ" is pronounced as a hard "D" sound rather than a "td" sound.) It also contains the "kh" combination, meaning it is "Dakh" rather than "Dak".

Basic Vocabulary

Great - now that you know how to read better than like a Radiatian and understand some of the trickier aspects of the sounds, it's time to learn some basic words to help you navigate your way to the next English speaker.

Basic words:

English word:

Radiatian word:

Pronunciation

Notes:

Hello

  • Hālo (formal)

  • Ahöe (informal)

  • "Hay-low"

  • "Ah-hwee"

"Ahöe" is arguably equivalent to "Hi"

Goodbye

  • Holahuǂ (formal)

  • Bje (informal)

  • "Ho-la-hood"

  • "Byeh"

"Bje" is fine 99.9% of the time. "Holahuǂ" (literal translation "Holy horse" meaning "May God guide your horse") is the equivalent of "farewell" or "take care"

Yes

  • Ăjap (formal)

  • Ăj (standard)

  • Un (informal/see notes)

  • "Aye-yup"

  • "Aye"

  • "Oon"

"Ăj" is acceptable 99% of the time. "Ăjap" is only necessary in extremely formal situations (e.g. a court hearing), although it's commonly used by northerners too. "Un" is equivalent to "Okay", "I will" or "I agree" and is generally considered very informal - foreigners should stay away from using it unless they know exactly what they're doing.

No

  • Nөъt/Nъt (Standard/Informal)

  • Danөъt/Danъt (Formal)

  • "Nisht"

  • Jah-nisht"

"Nөъt" is fine 99.9% of the time. On street signs/formal documents it will be spelled "Nөъt" however elsewhere will probably be spelled "Nъt" and this is fine to use. "Danөъt" is hard to translate but is like a cross between "Definitely not" and "No thank you" - it's more forceful than Nөъt but at the same time more formal.

Please

Pacai

"Pah-sai"

You probably won't need it much as Radiatians aren't generally that polite. In fact it's arguably closer in meaning to "I command you" than "Please".

Thank you

Ŧankija

"Dan-ki-ya"

You probably won't hear it much, but using it a lot is a good way to show that you come in peace, especially if someone is looking impatient

Sorry

Mitapolodetika

"Mi-ta-po-lo-jet-i-ka"

Practice this one. You'll probably need it more often than you need "hello", especially if someone calls you "Inevzient" ('Inefficient')

Man

Min

"Meen"

Woman

Vermin

"Feer-meen"

A lot of English speakers are shocked to see the word "Vermin" written on the door to the woman's bathroom in Radiatia - but the word is pronounced very differently

I/Me

Hik/Mikh

"Heek"/"Meekh" (remember the "kh" sound)

You

  • Herce (formal)

  • Ŧwu (informal)

  • "Heer-seh"

  • "Dvoo"

Both are used almost equally often and are generally considered fine in most situations. The best rule of thumb regarding which to use is that "Herce" is best when talking "about you" or referring passively to the other person, (e.g. "I saw you do this"), whereas "Ŧwu" is best when talking "to you" or addressing the other person (e.g. "What do you think?")

Foreigner

Xenolanǂ'e

"Ksen-oh-lan-deh"

Means both 'foreigner' (as in not from Radiatia) and 'alien' (as in from outer space)

Numbers:

Number:

Radiatian word:

Pronunciation:

Notes:

1

Un

"Oon"

"Un" is a word with many meanings in Radiatian (see below)

2

Twu

"Tvoo" (there is no schwa sound here - the "tv" sound is pronounced like a single letter and it is a single syllable word)

3

Kr'i

"Kree" (rolled R)

4

Kjat

"Kyaht"

5

Hant

"Hahnt"

6

ßect

"Shest"

7

Csepen

"Szeh-pen" (The sound is partway between "S" and "Z")

8

Ōkht

"Okht" (note the 'kh' sound)

9

Nöön

"Norn" (but with no r - similar vowel sound)

10

Zen

"Tsen"

11

Unzen

"Oon-tsen"

This pattern continues until 20 (i.e. 12 = Twuzen, 13 = Kr'izen, etc.)

20

Twujen

"Tvoo-yen"

Continues in this pattern until 100 (i.e. 30 = Kr'iyen, 40 = Kjatjen, etc.)

21

Twujen-un

"Tvoo-yen-oon"

Same pattern up to 100 (e.g. 33 = Kr'iyen-kr'i, 59 = Hantyen-nöön, etc.)

100

Unzenjen

"Oon-tsen-yen"

Yes, you would say "A Tsenyen Tsenyens" for a hundred Tsenyens. Though to avoid confusion between the number and the currency you're more likely to say "Unzenjen" for the number and "Zenjen" (Tsenyen) for the currency. (And the plural of Tsenyens in Radiatian is actually "Zenjenen" so it would be "Unzenjen Zenjenen")

200

Twuzenjen

"Tvoo-tsen-yen"

Continues in this pattern until 1000.

201

Twuzenjen gla un

"Tvoo-tsen-yen-gluh-oon"

Similar pattern for all numbers over a hundred. Literal translation is "Two hundred and one" - just say "gla (number)"

1000

Unkilo

"Oon-kee-lo"

Same pattern up to one million (e.g. 100,000 is "Unzenjenkilo", 2345 is "Twukilo, kr'izenyen gla kjatyen-hunt")

1,000,000

Unmega

"Oon-me-ga"

1,000,000,000

Ungiga

"Oon-gi-ga"

1,000,000,000,000

Untera

"Oon-te-ra"

For example, Radiatia's GPD is currently estimated to be around "ßectzentera Zenjenen" (16 trillion Tsenyens)

"Un" - the all-purpose word?

You may have noticed the word "Un" has appeared a few times already. It's a very common and important word in Radiatian and, depending on context has a number of meanings.

It's primary meaning is that it is the number one.

However in some contexts it's also an informal way of saying "Yes", "Okay", or "I agree." For example a parent or spouse might say "Ŧac Bakko ŏcni pacai." (Please take out the garbage.) The common response to this would be "Un" ("Okay"/"I will") rather than "Ăj." ("Yes").

The other common usage of the word Un is as the indefinite article - it is used in the same way as "a/an" in English.

Finally, it's also sometimes used as an indefinite pronoun or placeholder word - again similar to English. For example "Un" in some contexts could mean "Someone", "They", "It" and on rare occasions even "Me".

Just as you would say "That one" in English, "Ŧac Un" would have a similar meaning in Radiatian (even though the direct translation of that sentence is actually "The an").

Which leads us into our next section...

Basic Grammar

So now you know a few basic words - you can say "Sorry" to a Radiatian when you get called inefficient and you can use the Radiatian language to count the number of people glaring at you. But you want to be able to talk to these people, to order some Greasy Joe's and communicate with the mail-order bride you just bought!

The definite article

We've already talked about "Un" being the indefinite article above - and the definite in article in Radiatian (and therefore arguably the next most common word) is "Ŧac" ("Das").

Articles in Radiatian are much simpler than other European languages, due to there being no gender, and are in fact even more simple than English. "Ŧac" can cover you for "The", "That", "This" and even "There".

Adding "en" onto the end turns it into "Ŧacen", the plural which would translate to "These", "Those" or "They".

A similar thing occurs with Un, but less commonly - "Unen" would mean "Ones" and you could do something similar to English by combining Ŧacen and Unen.

You might be at one of Radiatia's famous brothels or gentleman's establishments being asked by the host which women you'd like to meet.

You could name them one by one, or point at a few and say "Ŧacen Unen" which would translate as "These ones" or "Those ones".

There are two more minor differences with English when using the definite article.

The first is that sometimes it is used in front of proper nouns - in some scenarios you could find yourself addressed or referred to as "The John" or "The Mary" - usually in sentences where you are not actively being spoken to. For example, the phrase "Please give this to John" would be "Ŧac John ni Ŧac pacai" which could be translated back as "Please give this to the John".

(Due to word order and Radiatian's different grammar structure however, the literal translation is "The John to The please". We'll cover that later.)

The second difference is in writing - while most nouns or objects in your sentence (sometimes including people) will be preceded with either "Ŧac" or "Un", the noun is always capitalised when writing. For the most part, it's unlikely to effect you but the most famous example of this distinction is that the sentence "Un Zenjen ni Herce" means "I will give you a Tsenyen" while "Un zenjen ni Herce" means "I will give you a hundred."

Have a question? Just say "Aa!"

Adding "Aa" to the end of almost any word or sentence will turn it into a question, making it like a verbal question mark.

Radiatians love to be efficient, and don't usually have time for the equivalent of "Who", "What", "When", etc so to ask a question the structure is usually "Noun + Aa", and most questions are no more than three words.

For example, "Ŧac Clöck" means "Time". But when you add "Aa" to the end of this word, it becomes "Ŧac Clöckaa", or "What is the time?"

It also works on people - "Ŧac Traiyan Silviu aa?" becomes "Who is Traiyan Silviu?"

However, as we all know, there are different types of questions and these are differentiated with prefixes.

Saying "Ŧac Tränzhopaa" to a Radiatian would at best make no sense or at worst be a stupid question "What is the train station?"

Changing it to "Ni Ŧac Tränzhopaa" becomes "Where is the train station?"

There are four prefixes which can change the question's meaning:

"Ni" changes it to "where"
"Nu" changes it to "when"
"Wi" changes it to "How/Why"
And "To" is a rare and specific one which would mean "To whom does it belong?"

Let's say we're having a conversation about a train station (Tränzhop).

We know now that "Ŧac Tränzhop" means "The train station."

We know that adding "Aa" becomes the nonsensical "Ŧac Tränzhopaa" or "What is the train station?"

But we can now make:

- "Ni Ŧac Tränzhopaa?" ("Where is the train station?")

- "Nu Ŧac Tränzhopaa?" Which while literally meaning "When is the train station" would be heard by a Radiatian as "How old is the train station?" and he might be able to reply with "Huntyen zonbiten" ("50 years old.")

- "Wi Ŧac Tränzhopaa?" is a nonsense sentence which at best might translate as "Why is there a train station there?" and could also be interpreted as "How do you build a train station?"

- To Ŧac Tränzhopaa?" however would translate as "Who owns the train station?", so you could get a reply saying for example "Exegraǂ Selt" (I.e. "The Exegrad Selt corporation owns this train station.")

How are you?

You might be reading the above and thinking you just thought of a clever way to introduce small talk into your conversation.

"Wi Ŧac Harold could mean "how is Harold?" - right?" You think to yourself. "Or I could say 'Wi Herce?' and say "How are you?""

Well you're wrong in two ways. First - morally: Radiatians hate small talk and this should avoided anyway. Asking someone how they're feeling is a very personal and inappropriate question, and asking a stranger this would be considered very impolite.

Secondly, no - "How are you" is not said as efficiently in the Radiatian language (and perhaps this inefficiency is why it's avoided in the first place.)

The two correct translations would be either:

- "Genk to Ŧac Harold aa?" ("How is Harold's health?") or
- "Imott to Herce aa?" ("How do you feel?")

While small talk is to be avoided at all costs, if you MUST make small talk asking "Genk to Herce aa?" (Are you healthy?) is much more socially acceptable than "Imott to Herce aa?" (How do you feel?) - the latter being considered quite an intimate question in Radiatian culture.

"Genk to Herce aa?" (and informally could be "Genk to Ŧwu aa?") would only ever be answered "Yes" or "No" - again, Radiatians don't like talking about their feelings except with people who are very close to them.

Example conversation:

Person A: "Ahöe!" ("Hi!")

Person B: "Hālo. Lasst to Herce aa?" ("Hello. What do you want?")

Person A: "Genk to Ŧwu aa?" ("Are you healthy?")

Person B: "Nъt." ("No.")

Person A: "Wi nъt aa?" ("Why not?")

Person B: "Kanzer to Hik." ("I have cancer.")

Not only can we tell that things aren't going well for Person B, we can also tell that Person A is far more informal than Person B by the use of informal language ("Ahöe" and "Ŧwu") and the nature of his questions. Person B, while not necessarily speaking formally, is certainly more reserved and polite.

Word order:

You may have noticed something strange by now, having read a few sentences in Radiatian: The words seem to be ordered in a strange way.

This is by far the biggest difference between Radiatian and English: Radiatian is much stricter about the order words appear in sentences, and orders them very differently.

As always, there are exceptions but in most cases word order should go like this:

1. Prefix/Article 2. Object 3. Verb 4. Adjective 5. Subject

Let's say you saw a big cat and wanted to tell your friend.

In English you'd say "I saw a big cat."

In Radiatian it would be "Un Gazi sek hürka Hik."

However translated back directly this sentence actually reads "A cat saw big I."

When talking to or about someone else, word order is important - but is usually the opposite of English.

"I love you" in Radiatian is "Lübt Herce Hik." which is literally "Love you me".

But if you reverse "Herce" and "Hik" you end up with "Lübt Hik Herce" which would translate as "You love I" which would grammatically make no sense. To say "You love me" you'd be better off saying "Lübt Mikh Ŧwu" or better yet using "aa" to turn it into "Lübt Mikh Ŧwu aa?" ("Do you love me?")

As a side note, this is one of those sentences where choosing "Herce" or "Ŧwu" matters: You might get drunk and say "Lübt Ŧwu Hik" to your friend, but you would only ever say "Lübt Herce Hik" to someone you were truly in love with. (And the word choice is also a good way for Radiatians to gauge how serious a relationship is.)

Another example - let's say you're talking about two different people:

"Harry saw Bill" in Radiatian is "Ŧac Bill sek Harry". The literal translation and word order is "The Bill saw Harry" - making the word order in this case the exact opposite of English.

Useful prefixes, suffixes and conjunctions

The below list is by no means exhaustive, but here are some basic particles that will aid you in your mission to string a sentence together in Radiatian.

Word:

Type:

Meaning:

Notes:

Ŧac

Prefix

The

The definite article

Un

Prefix

A/An

The indefinite article

Ni

Prefix/Conjunction

Where/To

Can be used within a sentence to mean "go to"/"went to"

Nu

Prefix

When

Wi

Prefix

How/Why

To

Prefix/Conjunction

Of/From

Denotes ownership - "A to B" would mean that B belongs to A. As a prefix it is used for questions of ownership (see above)

Gla

Conjunction

And

Ga

Conjunction

Is

En

Suffix

Denotes plural

Same as an 's' on the end of a word in English

Aa

Suffix

Verbal question mark

Turns a word or phrase into a question

And finally... basic phrases:

English:

Radiatian:

Notes:

Where is...

  • ...the train station?

  • ... the pub?

  • ... Greasy Joe's?

  • ... the airport?

  • ... the hotel?

  • ... the toilet?

Ni...

  • ...Ŧac Tränzhopaa?

  • ... Ŧac Älkoholhŏcaa?

  • ... Un Griisi Dosaa?

  • ... Ŧac Vlaitmaъiinhopaa?

  • ... Ŧac Xenohŏcaa?

  • ... Ŧac Wunǂerzheeraa?*

*"Wunǂerzheer" (Wunderchair) is actually a specific brand of pay toilet, but is so prominent in Radiatia that it's become the de facto word for toilet.

Do you speak English?

Englanǂ to aarwei ǂwu aa?

Literally "Speak of England" - just as "Ra‡ijazija to Aarwei" literally means "Speak of Radiatia"

How much does this cost?

Unen Zenjenaa?

Literally "How many Tsenyens?"

I love you

Lübt Herce Hik

Using "Ŧwu" instead of "Herce" makes it more informal and closer to "I like you"

I love Radiatia

Lübt Ra‡ijazija hik

I hate Radiatia

Kolzwiet heclkht ga mikh gla Aacver hik totain nъt.

Literal translation: "I am a dirty communist and don't deserve to live."

How old are you?

Nu Herce aa?

My name is [name].

[name] ga namă to hik.

How do you say [English word]?

Wi [English word] aarweiaa?

Two beers and one burger please.

Twu beeren gla un bürger pacai.

Read factbook

Yohannes, Poldania, and Hadin

I was meant to write this six months ago but due to the sorry state of my private life haven't had time or energy to:

viewtopic.php?p=36528023#p36528023

This should bring forward some planned events from Radiatia's perspective.

I've also updated this factbook as I felt that most of what was in it was out of date - Radiatia has changed a lot since I originally wrote it:

If you're Radiatian...
  • You live in a multilingual society. You probably learned LinkRadiatian in school, but were taught another language at home and consider both to be your native language.

  • You don't make small talk - Radiatia did not rise from the ashes of communism to become an economic superpower by making small talk.

  • To you, "Inefficient" is about the worst insult there is.

  • You are familiar with Yamas Tweed, Martin Kalva, Captain Radiatia, Battling Seizure Robots, Fushi Sakka, Akat Wifabaag, Alexis Machine, PEARCING, The Burning Foetuses and have also seen pornography on primetime television.

  • You cannot understand why anyone would call football "soccer". You know all the teams in the RFL (Radiatian Football League) and believe Radiatia to have one of the best football teams in the world. You are also an avid fan of rugby union, and may be partial to baseball. You also like blood sports, and believe that attempts to ban them over the years are just "political correctness gone mad".

  • You can take as many holidays as you like during the year - just as long as you pay for it yourself. No employer in the country is going to pay you to do nothing for three weeks a year.

Ignorance is bliss.

  • You don't even know what a "God" is, let alone believe in one.

  • You think of fast food such as Greasy Joe's to be cheap and delicious. You cannot for the life of you understand why other countries say that Radiatian cuisine is awful and unhealthy.

  • You do admit that foreign food is slightly better than local dishes.

  • You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food, but there's a good chance you have unwittingly eaten some or all of the above. Afterall, NO ONE knows what's really in Radiatian sausages....

  • You rarely eat fruit or vegetables, and most food is engineered or processed to a point that would see it banned overseas.

  • You most likely live in an apartment, and almost definitely live in a city. If grubby old villages of only a few thousand people were worth living in, they wouldn't be grubby old villages of only a few thousand people would they? Alternatively you may instead have taken to suburban living, especially if you're over 30 and finding city life exhausting.

  • You might own a landline, definitely own a smartphone and a laptop, and you have a TV. Your place is heated in the winter and airconditioned in the summer - unless you live in a rural part of Skorptsch or New Vashura in which case you're probably living in a caravan. You don't kill your own food - unless you're from the north. You don't have a dirt floor. You usually eat at a small table in front of the TV, sitting on chairs or couches.

  • You probably wouldn't understand a reference to a "bathroom" unless you grew up in an ancient palace in Radia - but even then, the term makes you think of luxury rather than taking a shower or using the toilet.

  • You usually refer to the toilet as the "Wunderchair" even though that's just one prominent brand of toilet. You probably had to pay to use the toilet - sometimes even at home if you've chosen to rent a toilet.

  • It now seems natural to you that the telephone system, railways, auto manufacturers, airlines, power companies, hospitals and most schools are privately run. If you're an older Radiatian you may be able to remember a time when things were VERY different, but you know there's no way that things will ever go back to the way they were.

  • You expect, as a matter of course, that phones will work. You expect anything to work actually - inefficiency is inexcusable and you would sue a company into bankruptcy for providing a faulty product/being late/causing you to lose a few seconds of your time due to an unclear instruction manual

  • You see nothing unusual about having to go outside wearing a gas mask, especially in the smoggier winter months.

  • Even though water can be expensive, you shower at least three times a day, especially after being outside - the city air can be filthy, and smoke, smog and soot builds up on your skin quite quickly.

  • The trains are quick and efficient, and you would demand compensation if a train wasn't on time. However you are just as likely to travel by car or even helicopter as you are to travel by train.

  • Travelling times are long - whether it's spending a few hours in city traffic, or spending a few days travelling cross country.

  • Of course, you're unlikely to travel much. You probably have never left your home state, let alone left the country.

Efficiency and Bureaucracy

  • You are fiercely proud of living in a democratic republic, even though you've only voted a handful of times in your whole life

  • You have become used to a two-party system. You felt the multi-party system was flawed and inefficient. You may be able to remember back to being only a single-party state if you're older, but it's only a distant memory.

  • You expect both parties to be strong on defence, responsive to business and concerned with the middle class. However you don't think Radiatia has had a decent President since Traiyan Silviu was still in office.

  • If you live in the heartland or the north, you think the federal government is too powerful. If you live in the south or the east, you think the federal government is not powerful enough.

  • You find it impossible to believe that Radiatia used to be communist although you suspect this is why the country overcompensates when it comes to being anti-communist. Your grandparents have probably told you a few horror stories about what life was like under communism.

  • You don't expect to hear socialism seriously defended - and you'd be slightly offended if you did. The socialists killed 10 million innocent people (and you don't distinguish between 'socialism' and 'communism'. It's all the same disgusting, murderous ideology to you.)

  • You don't really have a concept of 'race' - people are either "Radiatian" or they are "foreign" and you can tell by looking. While people with darker skin are usually not Radiatian, sometimes they are - and if so there's always something about the way they speak, dress and act that gives away the fact that they're Radiatians.

  • You think most problems would be solved if people would be less lazy, more efficient and if the rest of the world was more like Radiatia.

  • You consider a flat tax of 15% to be daylight robbery, not that you ever pay it - tax evasion is something of a national pastime and you take pride in the fact that collecting taxes in Radiatia is like trying to collect water with a sieve.

  • You don't fully trust the federal government, have doubts about the Noctur Regional Bank and were definitely opposed to the Humanitarian League. The World Assembly? Don't make me laugh!

  • You believe that the court system is rigged in favour of big business, and you're probably right. On the bright side you know the justice system is swift and efficient, but the result always hinges on how much money you have.

  • You have to have served at least 18 months in the military, and be aged over 21, to obtain a firearms license. However, you can bypass this by bribing the right official.

  • School is free in most states and usually compulsory until the age of 16, although the quality of your education differs greatly depending on which state you're from. Of course Radiatia's education system is a lot better than it was 20 years ago, when 10% of the country left school not knowing how to read.

  • If you're extremely talented and get a scholarship, the Federal Government will pay for your three years of university. For everyone else wanting to go you will need to take out an expensive bank loan (if they'll even let you) and pay your own way. The most common route to tertiary education is to enlist in the armed forces and do an 18 month stint in exchange for having most of your tuition fees paid by the government.

Heatstroke and Hypothermia

  • Mustard comes in plastic tubes. Shaving cream comes in canisters and milk comes in plastic bottles.

  • The date comes first and the month second: 1/10/4014 (And you know what happened on that date).

  • The decimal point is a dot.

  • A billion is a thousand times a million.

  • You would respect a politician who came from a military background, but ultimately you'll vote for them based on whether or not you support their policies. You couldn't name the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

  • It is polite to call people by their first names, until you get to know them. Then you may address them with their surname. The exception to this rule is for people in places of authority - teachers, military commanders and politicians.

  • If you're from the western states, you probably go about your everyday life in the nude in summer. You've definitely sunbathed nude in the summer at least once unless you're from the arctic north.

  • You have probably never seen the ocean. If you live in a coastal state, you probably still have never been to the beach.

  • Most films and TV shows are subtitled, simply due to the multilingual nature of Radiatian society

  • You avoid the outdoors due to the harsh climate. It's fully possible for you to suffer from heatstroke in summer and then hypothermia in winter.

Bribes and Brides:

  • It is more common to marry for money than for love. Marriage is seldom a happy day - it's usually spent waiting for bureaucrats in an office building somewhere to process your application. Church marriages are not legal or valid. It's nothing ceremonial, and you can end a marriage as easily as you can quit a job. 10 out of 45 states allow polygamy, provided that there is informed consent from all involved parties.

  • If a woman is still living with her family, you may have to pay the family to marry her. If she is married to another man, it is perfectly legal to buy her from her current husband and have the marriage contract rewritten in your name - provided all parties consent.

  • If a man has sex with another man, he's homosexual. If he finds the right man, he can marry him as above.

  • If a woman has sex with another woman, she might be a lesbian, but it's more likely that she's a popstar or actress trying to get attention.

  • If you're a woman, you probably have no qualms with public nudity, and are regularly nude when sunbathing by the lake, the river or in the sand dunes.

  • You don't usually expect to have to bribe federal government officials, but when it comes to state and local authorities it certainly doesn't hurt to "grease the wheels" with a few Tsenyens if a bureaucrat is being particularly obstructive.

  • If a politician hasn't cheated on his wife at least once, you suspect he may be a closet homosexual - but ultimately you don't really care about politics, let alone the personal lives of politicians.

  • Credit cards are ubiquitous now, and you couldn't live without one. Everywhere, including in rural areas, accepts ATM cards and only tourists carry cash. A lot of places now accept contactless payment cards, or contactless payment via your smartphone.

  • A company can fire anyone at will.

  • You like your bacon soft, unless it's in a burger.

  • Labour Day? What are you, some sort of communist!? There used to be a Labour Day, but it got renamed "Capitalism Day" just to spite the murderous commies.

The Sheriff of Noctur

  • Depending on your age, you've definitely seen LinkMorons With Guns, Foreigners from Outer Space and LinkThe Efficient, the Inefficient and the Unattractive amongst other great Radiatian films and television shows. (If you're younger you'll have seen Battling Seizure Robots and the Captain Radiatia series too.) You are somewhat proud of the strength of the adult film industry, not that you see it as a big deal - most Radiatian TV shows are just porn with better plots and acting.

  • You would rather rely on private healthcare than the underfunded, bureaucracy-choked Federal Health Service. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases, but you are aware that there is a high chance that you will develop cancer, due to pollution. There's also a high risk that Radiatia's bad weather, workaholic culture and depressing lifestyle will drive you to suicide. If you're a man you would be pleasantly surprised to live past 65 - though if you're a woman you'll probably make it to your 80s.

  • You hardly know your own history, let alone world history. Pretty much anything before the fall of communism is ancient history to you, though you're vaguely aware of ancient historical figures like Empress Usula and have a pretty good understanding of the atrocities committed by the RPSU. You don't really see the point of learning history though - the past was a barbaric, horrible time. You'd rather focus on the future.

  • Radiatia has never been conquered by a foreign nation, but you're convinced that it's just around the corner. You believe Radiatia has to be strong because the rest of the world is plotting against us. But if all else fails, you're confident that the harsh Radiatian winter will probably stop any invading army in its tracks.

  • You've become used to having choices whenever you buy things - and indeed you can now buy ANYTHING in Radiatia. If you can think of it, someone somewhere will be selling it, regardless of the legality.

  • You use the metric system and find it confusing and unthinkable that anyone would use any other system.

  • You are not a farmer and don't know anyone who is. You consider LinkPlainstainers to be somewhat mythical and don't believe humans can survive outside of cities.

  • A "comic" means a stand-up comedian. The artform is referred to either as a "cartoon" (particularly for comedic strips) or as "manga".

  • The people who appear on talkshows are almost always comedians, occasionally movie stars or singers and in rare cases politicians.

  • You drive on the right side of the road. You stop at red lights even if nobody's around. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. However the reverse is also true - if the light is green you won't stop for anyone or anything, whether it's a pedestrian, an animal or even a small child. The idea of jaywalking is inconceivable: Doing so risks almost certain death.

  • You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be absolutely tiny. Most Radiatian-made cars would take up two lanes overseas.

  • The Police are usually armed with pistols, though police forces armed with rifles or submachine guns aren't uncommon in certain states. Some more liberal and left-leaning states such as Chongluntz and Saku don't arm their police at all.

  • Women are expected to be stunningly beautiful, and they surely are. If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks.

  • The biggest meal of the day is in the evening.

  • There's parts of the city you definitely want to avoid at night.

  • If you do joke about another country, the most commonly joked about nationality is Segland, although you're more likely to joke about someone from another Radiatian state (or even make self-deprecating jokes about yourself) than you are to joke about someone from another country.

Beyond Federation Square

  • You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in LinkXerconia.

  • You believe that LinkFederation Square is comprised entirely of useless bureaucrats who do nothing but waste time and money. You probably couldn't name your local MP or your Senator.

  • You wouldn't expect both inflation and unemployment to be very high (say, over 10%) at the same time. If you're left-wing you're convinced unemployment will skyrocket any day now and if you're right-wing you're convinced that inflation is about to skyrocket.

  • You don't even care about your own family, let alone someone else's.

  • When someone dies it's more common for the estate (if there is one) to be left to a close friend than to family.

  • You have probably never been to the theatre or ballet. You are, however, a regular patron at comedy clubs, the cinema, rock concerts, casinos and strip clubs.

  • The only thing you know about Christmas is that factory workers do overtime in order to meet heightened foreign demand for Radiatian exports - and it often leads to a bonus for workers. But you have no idea what it is other than something weird that foreigners do involving iconography of a man with a beard.

  • You barely even know who your own leaders are, let alone foreign leaders. You also barely know where other Radiatian states are, let alone other countries and you definitely couldn't name every country in the region.

  • You never leave voicemails. You hang up and try again later.

  • Taxi drivers are almost all xenophobic, extreme right-wing Linkscumbuckets and you know that any taxi trip will mean hearing at least one utterance of the phrase "I'm not racist, but..."

  • You don't want to retire or lose your job, as the pension and unemployment benefit is too small to live off. In the latter case, it also means you could end up drafted into the army if you don't find work soon.

  • You may or may not support the welfare state. You believe that Radiatia has one of the most generous in the world. You were shocked when the country was recently ranked bottom of the region for welfare.

  • If you want to be a doctor, you need a degree. If you want to be a teacher, you must prove that you know how to read - which is a massive improvement on the previous system, when any old redneck could "wop out the ol' learnin' stick"

  • There are a lot more lawyers now, but still not as many as in other countries.

The Almighty Tsenyen

  • You time things precisely, down to the second. You are never late, not even by a second, and you will not forgive someone else for being late. In fact, you're usually at least 20 minutes early for most appointments just to be sure.

  • When talking to someone you prefer them to be standing at least one... no, make it two metres away from you. And you avoid making eye contact too - eye contact, physical closeness and (heavens forbid) touching someone is reserved strictly for people you're intimate with. (Though you might forgive some touching if you live somewhere crowded like Exegrad.)

  • You never invite people to your house or apartment. If you meet someone, it's always at a restaurant, mall, pub, or comedy club.

  • If you DO invite someone over, it means you want to have sex with them. The same applies in reverse - if you're invited to someone's home, it's never for a meal or coffee: It's for sex.

  • You never bargain or haggle, ever - that's unacceptably inefficient. The price is what it is, if you don't like it shop somewhere else.

  • You actually consider Radiatians to be very polite and foreigners to be rude (when most of the world sees it the other way around). You expect all communication to be direct, and you can't stand how foreigners won't just get to the point - or worse yet, will lie to you because they think it will spare your feelings.

Read factbook

EDIT: I've also made a culture test just for the city of Exegrad so you can compare and contrast Exegrad with the rest of Radiatia:

Exegrad, Alayenia:

You know you're from Radiatia's largest city when...

- You travel further every day by elevator than you do by car.

- You would rather walk the whole length of the Radiatian Federation than attempt to drive down 27th Avenue during rush hour.

- You own shares in a defence contractor but don't know the difference between a tank and a gun

- You believe that Exegrad, Alayenia and Radiatia are three seperate countries

- Radiatian is your third language, and you haven't spoken it since you left school

- You bribed your way out of having to do your compulsory military service

- You break into hysterical laughter if someone says "Xerconia"

- You call your stockbroker for advice on what to wear in the morning

- You can convert Tsenyens into any currency in your head

- You are too scared to so much as fly over Midgard

- Your idea of a mansion is an apartment where you can fit a bed AND a bookcase into the same room.

BONUS: There is a now a full culture test for Exegrad:

Items identical to the Radiatian culture test have been greyed out.

If you're an Exegrader...

  • You speak English as your primary language because it's the international language of business. You can also communicate in Radiatian because it's the national language. You never bothered with Aliyan and consider it a dead language and waste of your time.

  • You don't make small talk - Radiatia did not rise from the ashes of communism to become an economic superpower by making small talk. And if someone (like a tourist) does approach you and try to talk to you unsolicited, you will not hesitate to tell them to f*** off.

  • To you, "Inefficient" is about the worst insult there is.

  • You're familiar with the same media as other Radiatians. You see a lot of movies and TV shows set in Exegrad but you can tell when something wasn't actually filmed in Exegrad. You find it amusing that Das Engel film crews are often forced to pretend their city is Exegrad and consider this proof that Exegrad is superior in the great rivalry between the two cities.

  • You may or may not be a sports fan, and if you do you're probably an Exegrad United supporter. But ultimately you consider playing the financial markets to be much more interesting than kicking a ball around.

  • You can take as many holidays as you like during the year - just as long as you pay for it yourself. No employer in the country is going to pay you to do nothing for three weeks a year. You're pretty used to working long hours and see nothing wrong with sleeping in your office overnight every now and again.

The Free City (Where everything costs money)

  • You do know what a "God" is as you frequently see foreign religious nuts banging on about their gods on the streets. You don't believe in one and feel that most religious people are inefficient and need to be institutionalised as soon as possible.

  • You think of fast food such as Greasy Joe's to be cheap and delicious. You cannot for the life of you understand why other countries say that Radiatian cuisine is awful and unhealthy.

  • You do admit that foreign food is slightly better than local dishes. It's really easy to find foreign food too - you take it for granted that you can find any type of food from anywhere in the world within walking distance at any time of day or night.

  • You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food, but there's a good chance you have unwittingly eaten some or all of the above. Afterall, NO ONE knows what's really in Radiatian sausages.... Some of the street food you've eaten in Yamman is a bit suspect too.

  • You live in a tiny apartment the size of a cupboard and pay exorbitant rents for it. You can't even conceive of the idea of owning your own property, or owning land. An apartment with more than two rooms is your idea of a mansion.

  • You own a landline as there's one in your apartment building - you never use it though. You own a smartphone and a laptop, and you have a TV. Your place is heated in the winter and airconditioned in the summer. You don't kill your own food. You don't have a dirt floor. You're more likely to eat out than at home, or else rely on take-outs. There's a good chance you don't have a kitchen or a fridge.

  • You probably wouldn't understand a reference to a "bathroom". In fact you've probably never heard of a bath - you have a small faucet possibly located above your toilet which you use as a shower.

  • You usually refer to the toilet as the "Wunderchair" even though that's just one prominent brand of toilet. Your toilet is probably coin-operated and probably of the Wunderchair brand.

  • It now seems natural to you that the telephone system, railways, auto manufacturers, airlines, power companies, hospitals and most schools are privately run. It's always been this way in Exegrad - during the communist era Exegrad was designated a Special Economic Zone which meant it was allowed to have a free market economy.

  • You expect, as a matter of course, that phones will work. You expect anything to work actually - inefficiency is inexcusable and you would sue a company into bankruptcy for providing a faulty product/being late/causing you to lose a few seconds of your time due to an unclear instruction manual

  • You see nothing unusual about having to go outside wearing a gas mask, especially in the smoggier winter months. And you also sometimes wear your gas mask in summer.

  • You pay more attention to the air quality report than the weather report - you're not worried about snow, rain or heat, you just want to know whether or not it's safe to breathe the air today.

  • Even though water can be expensive, you shower at least three times a day, especially after being outside - the city air can be filthy, and smoke, smog and soot builds up on your skin quite quickly.

  • The trains are quick and efficient, and you would demand compensation if a train wasn't on time. In fact this would be a major scandal - Mayors have lost elections due to trains on the Exegrad Underground being late by 30 seconds.

  • You don't own a car. In fact you probably don't know how to drive. If you've ever been outside of Exegrad (a day trip to upstate Alayenia, perhaps), you've been shocked that not only does everyone have a car, but they expect YOU to have a car too. Even if you're ultra-rich, you probably have a helicopter and private jet but no car.

  • You consider the world to stop existing past where the Central Alayenia Transit commuter belt ends. You might have been to southern Alayenia once, perhaps even to Radii if you're extremely daring but beyond that you see no point in travelling - what could you find in the rest of the world that can't possibly be found in Exegrad?

Xerconia? Never heard of it!

  • You are fiercely proud of living in a democratic republic. Furthermore you're fiercely proud of the role Exegrad played in the fall of communism, and you take your hard-earned democratic rights very seriously.

  • If you live in the City or Northbank, you're a registered member of the Liberal-Conservative Party. If you live in Mitaro or Yamman you're a registered member of the Social Democratic Union.

  • You hold no sympathy for people who believe Alayenia should be an independent country. You may or may support the concept of separate statehood for Exegrad and while you know Exegrad is very different from both Alayenia and the rest of Radiatia, you grudgingly admit that Exegrad and Radiatia need each other.

  • You don't expect to hear socialism seriously defended - and you'd be slightly offended if you did. In fact you'd be more than offended: You would possibly punch the other person in the face. Have they not seen the memorial to those killed in the Black Friday massacre?

  • You don't really have a concept of 'race' - people are either "Radiatian" or they are "foreign" and you can tell by looking. While people with darker skin are usually not Radiatian, sometimes they are - and if so there's always something about the way they speak, dress and act that gives away the fact that they're Radiatians. In fact you're used to seeing Radiatians with all sorts of skin colours and foreign lineages. You're also very used to seeing foreigners and hearing foreign languages. It's not a big deal.

  • You think most problems would be solved if people would be less lazy, more efficient and if the rest of the world was more like Radiatia. Except replace "Radiatia" with "Exegrad" - Radiatians outside of the City are actually not all that intelligent as far as you've observed.

  • You're probably a little uncomfortable with the flat 15% federal income tax. Anything higher would definitely be daylight robbery.

  • You don't fully trust the federal government, have doubts about the Noctur Regional Bank and were definitely opposed to the Humanitarian League. The World Assembly? Don't make me laugh! Then again, the Noctur Regional Bank (along with several other international organisations) is headquartered in Exegrad, so you're not vehemently opposed to some of the above, especially if they create jobs in the city.

  • You believe that the court system is rigged in favour of big business, and you're probably right. On the bright side you know the justice system is swift and efficient, but the result always hinges on how much money you have.

  • Public education is an option but you probably went to a private school and would rather send your kids to one. Private education isn't that expensive in Exegrad either, due to heavy competition between the various schools forcing prices down - another example of the free market making things more efficient.

  • The State of Alayenia has a scheme where they will lend you money to pay tuition fees at university, so you never had to enlist in the armed forces to go to university. You don't usually call yourself Alayenian - but this is something you appreciate that does put Alayenia above all the other states.

The Financial Capital of Noctur

  • Mustard comes in plastic tubes. Shaving cream comes in canisters and milk comes in plastic bottles.

  • The date comes first and the month second: 13/4/4007 (And you know what happened on that date).

  • The decimal point is a dot.

  • A billion is a thousand times a million. A tsenyen with a lower case T is the Radiatian word for "hundred". A Tsenyen with a capital T is the currency.

  • You would respect a politician who came from a military background, but ultimately you'll vote for them based on whether or not you support their policies. You couldn't name the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Of course you'd rather have a politician with a business or financial background than a military background.

  • It is polite to call people by their first names, until you get to know them. Then you may address them with their surname. The exception to this rule is for people in places of authority - teachers, military commanders and politicians.

  • Your favourite time of the year is winter - as that's the only time of year when the streets aren't clogged up by dumb tourists asking idiotic questions or holding everything up

  • You don't describe yourself as being from Exegrad - you're from "The City". Besides, you know Exegrad is the only city in Radiatia - everywhere else is just a town. If you heard someone saying they're from Exegrad, you'd know they're not really from Exegrad - probably just someone from one of the surrounding Prefectures doing a bit of wishful thinking.

  • You have seen people sleeping in cardboard boxes outside of skyscrapers owned by billionaires. You consider this sort of inequality completely natural.

  • Most films and TV shows are subtitled, simply due to the multilingual nature of Radiatian society

  • You avoid the outdoors due to the harsh climate. It's fully possible for you to suffer from heatstroke in summer and then hypothermia in winter. It's pretty easy to avoid the outdoors too - by using a combination of the Underground, pedestrian tunnels, elevators and skybridges between buildings, you can easily go an entire day without ever setting foot outside.

Meet me at the Love Hotel

  • It is more common to marry for money than for love. Marriage is seldom a happy day - it's usually spent waiting for bureaucrats in an office building somewhere to process your application. Church marriages are not legal or valid. It's nothing ceremonial, and you can end a marriage as easily as you can quit a job.

  • If a woman is still living with her family, you may have to pay the family to marry her. If she is married to another man, it is perfectly legal to buy her from her current husband and have the marriage contract rewritten in your name - provided all parties consent.

  • If a man has sex with another man, he's homosexual. If he finds the right man, he can marry him as above.

  • If a woman has sex with another woman, she might be a lesbian, but it's more likely that she's a popstar or actress trying to get attention.

  • You're no stranger to nudity, especially on billboards, television and advertising. You probably wouldn't go outside nude yourself though - Exegrad doesn't have the right climate for it.

  • You don't usually expect to have to bribe federal government officials, but when it comes to state and local authorities it certainly doesn't hurt to "grease the wheels" with a few Tsenyens if a bureaucrat is being particularly obstructive.

  • If a politician hasn't cheated on his wife at least once, you suspect he may be a closet homosexual - but ultimately you don't really care about politics, let alone the personal lives of politicians.

  • Credit cards are ubiquitous now, and you couldn't live without one. Everywhere, including in rural areas, accepts ATM cards and only tourists carry cash. A lot of places now accept contactless payment cards, or contactless payment via your smartphone. In fact some places refuse to take cash because it's too inefficient.

  • A company can fire anyone at will.

  • You like your bacon soft, unless it's in a burger.

  • Labour Day? What are you, some sort of communist!? There used to be a Labour Day, but it got renamed "Capitalism Day" just to spite the murderous commies.

  • You're ambivalent about how you feel about tourists. On one hand you welcome the money they bring and the jobs they create. On the other hand... they're so slow and inefficient and often smell weird too.

21 million people, all of whom are lonely

  • You would rather rely on private healthcare than the underfunded, bureaucracy-choked Federal Health Service. You know you're not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases, but you are aware that there is a high chance that you will develop cancer, due to pollution. There's also a high risk that Radiatia's bad weather, workaholic culture and depressing lifestyle will drive you to suicide. In fact you don't even get surprised when you see someone jumping off a building, as Exegrad is the suicide capital of Noctur. It's sad, but it's pretty normal.

  • You hardly know your own history, let alone world history. Pretty much anything before the fall of communism is ancient history to you, though you're vaguely aware of ancient historical figures like Empress Usula and have a pretty good understanding of the atrocities committed by the RPSU. Besides, why bother with history anyway? The past is done - you're focused on the future.

  • While Radiatia has never been conquered by a foreign nation, you have a fair idea of what it's like based on what happened during the Battle of Exegrad, when communist forces attempted to occupy the city and were forced out by brave pro-democracy protesters.

  • You've become used to having choices whenever you buy things - and indeed you can now buy ANYTHING in Radiatia. If you can think of it, someone somewhere will be selling it, regardless of the legality. This is more true in Exegrad than anywhere else.

  • You use the metric system and find it confusing and unthinkable that anyone would use any other system.

  • You are not a farmer. Obviously.

  • A "comic" means a stand-up comedian. The artform is referred to either as a "cartoon" (particularly for comedic strips) or as "manga".

  • The people who appear on talkshows are almost always comedians, occasionally movie stars or singers and in rare cases politicians.

  • There's parts of the city you definitely want to avoid at night. In saying that, Exegrad is a LOT safer than it used to be - in fact gentrification in recent years has made it one of the safest cities in Radiatia.

  • You're more likely to crack jokes about other cities than other countries, with Das Engel, Midgard and Xerconia all targets for your ridicule.

Beyond City Hall

  • You think it's cute that Xerconia thinks it's important. You know that there's more real political power in an Exegrad stockbroker's farts than there is in Xerconia.

  • You believe that LinkFederation Square is comprised entirely of useless bureaucrats who do nothing but waste time and money. You couldn't name your Senator, but you certainly know your local MP and you watch them like a hawk to make sure they're advocating for Exegrad's interests in Xerconia.

  • You wouldn't expect unemployment to be very high (say, over 10%) although inflation seems to be a problem in Exegrad. The city becomes more and more expensive every day and you're worried that some day you might not be able to afford the cost of living and might have to live on the street - or worse: Outside the city.

  • You don't even care about your own family, let alone someone else's.

  • When someone dies it's more common for the estate (if there is one) to be left to a close friend than to family. That's assuming there is an estate - which there probably isn't. Chances are all you'll leave behind is a couple of books, a tie and a computer with an embarrassing browser history.

  • You may have been to the theatre or ballet - after all, Exegrad is the world's biggest exporter of Radiatian culture. You are a regular patron at comedy clubs, the cinema, rock concerts, casinos and strip clubs.

  • You have no earthly idea what Christmas is, as you're not a factory worker.

  • You barely even know who your own leaders are, let alone foreign leaders. You also barely know where other Radiatian states are, let alone other countries and you definitely couldn't name every country in the region.

  • You never leave voicemails. You hang up and try again later.

  • Taxis are all driven by foreigners with no knowledge of the city. Not that you're likely to take one - the Underground is far cheaper and usually more reliable.

  • You don't want to retire or lose your job, as the pension and unemployment benefit is too small to live off. In fact you'd seriously consider suicide over losing your job, as you're probably a workaholic and don't have much else in your life.

  • In public you're a vocal supporter of the welfare state - you feel very sorry for all the homeless people you see and believe the government needs to do something about it. But you don't want to have to pay for it through taxes, and in the privacy of the voting booth you'll always choose tax cuts over welfare increases.

  • Accountants are much more common than laywers - in fact they're pretty ubiquitous.

  • There sure are a lot of businessmen...

The Almighty Tsenyen

  • You time things precisely, down to the second. You are never late, not even by a second, and you will not forgive someone else for being late. In fact, you're usually at least 20 minutes early for most appointments just to be sure. In the rare event that you are late somewhere, you'll be sure to blame either a slow-moving group of foreigners, traffic, a broken elevator or a delay on the Underground.

  • You'd prefer people to stand back and don't like being touched, but this isn't always possible in a crowded city like Exegrad - but you sure as hell avoid making eye contact with people. In fact you go to great lengths to ignore people - you have very finely tuned selective deafness.

  • You never invite people to your house or apartment. If you meet someone, it's always at a restaurant, mall, pub, or comedy club.

  • Even if you want to have sex with someone, you won't invite them over as your apartment is too small for that. You'll go to a love hotel instead.

  • You never bargain or haggle, ever - that's unacceptably inefficient. The price is what it is, if you don't like it shop somewhere else. That's not to say you don't know how to haggle - and a lot of foreigners do it in the street markets in Yamman, but you'd prefer not to. If tourists want to waste time and be ripped off, that's their business - you'll just go to a normal shop.

  • When it comes to manners, you lump other Radiatians in with foreigners: They're slow moving, stupid and need to stop wasting your time. You're not rude - you're busy, and people need to respect that.


Xerconia, FCT:

You know you're from the capital when....

- You believe that prostitution is a more honourable profession than working for the federal government

- You have never been to Federation Square, or even Central Xerconia for that matter

- Everyone you know claims to have met Traiyan Silviu

- You met Traiyan Silviu. You know, back in that pub in LET 8.... he was a nice guy too.

- You're on first name terms with MPs and Senators, although you've never voted in your life

- You believe that life was better under communism, though you wouldn't dream of voting for the Communist Party

- You consider water more expensive than petrol

- You have no idea what 'rain' or 'an umbrella' is

- If you see a cloud in the sky you immediately call the Federal Ministry of Defence and ask them to shoot it down


Das Engel, Amentra

You know you're from Das Engel when...

- You've been in at least one fight over football. In the last week.

- You're not racist, but....

- You can't stand Das Engel personally, but you still tell tourists that it's the greatest city in Noctur

- You were an extra in a film or an actor in a advert at some point

- You claim that you almost played for Das Engel/ Das Engel United but couldn't because of a terrible knee injury that ruined your football career

- You're older than the building you live in

- When the city council banned guns, you immediately went out and bought two rifles and a submachine gun

- You bribed your wife to marry you

- The best drug dealers in town are the cops

- You consider "corrupt" to be a compliment

- The only "ism" that matters to you is "hedonism"

- You're on first name terms with the girls at the local strip bar


Midgard, Midgard

You know you're from Midgard when...

- You can quite comfortably operate heavy machinary despite having just consumed 7 shots of vodka and two pints of lager

- You consider it rude not to swear

- You greet friends by saying "Piss off"

- "Summer" is held between 12:00 and 12:04pm on July 10th each year.... and you're usually indoors when it comes

- You pour beer on your cornflakes in the morning

- If you want some fresh air, you go indoors

- You learnt how to swear by watching your grandmother speak to the police

- You have been woken in the middle of the night to hear gunshots in your apartment... only to roll over and go back to sleep

- The toilet at the pub is cleaner than yours at home

- You consider the Social Democratic Union to be "extreme right wing" and politically you only ever vote for them or the Communists

- You have managed to turn Nihilism into a sport


The Central States

The Central States (The Prairie States/The "Plainstainer" Region) includes states such as Diifgrao, Skorptsch, New Vashura, possibly Saskenya and the northwestern part of Xegfause. To some extent any rural area shares the same stereotypes

You know you're a LinkPlainstainer when...

- You don't know what these here squiggles on the computer screen are supposed to mean

- You own a boat but live more than 3000km away from the ocean, have never been to the ocean and don't intend to ever go to the ocean

- When someone says "Let's go to Greasy Joe's" you think they literally want to visit Greasy Joe rather than think of the restaurant

- You consider Greasy Joe's restaurant to be extremely posh and upmarket and much too fancy for you

- You cool down in the summer with a refreshing glass of corn 'n spit

- You at some point either traded your wife for a turnip, or traded a turnip for a wife

- You don't like foreigners. At all. Especially foreigners from outer space who fly in saucers.

- You are prejudiced against anyone who lives more than 10km away from you

- You don't consider any alcoholic beverage less than 60% ABV to actually be alcohol - and have used this excuse when breaking prohibition laws

- You find it impossible to speak a sentence without using one or all of the following words: Yonder, y'all, howdy, ole', dang, ding-dong, them-there, ain't.

- All your clothes are brown, or stained brown

- You can't read, you can't write, but you can play the banjo

- You get your news from conspiracy theorist websites, rather than the newspaper


Alayenia

You know you're from Radiatia's largest state when...

- You spend more time commuting to work every day than you do actually at work

- You have a Radiatian flag flying at your home, on your car and even on the clothes you wear. Despite this, you refuse to refer to yourself as 'Radiatian'. You are always an 'Alayenian'.

- Every member of your household has their own car - including the family dog.

- Your idea of 'poverty' is a house with slow internet and with only free-to-air television

- You constantly complain about out-of-staters 'Radiatianising' Alayenia, destroying the state's unique language and history, despite the fact that you were born in another state yourself.

- Your husband usually wears more make-up than you do

- You live in a town which is a 12 hour drive from Exegrad, but refer to yourself as living 'in a suburb just on the outskirts of Exegrad'.

- You refer to lakes and rivers as 'the seaside'.

- You boast that Alayenia has the best beaches in Radiatia, even though it is a landlocked state and you've never seen the ocean.

- You consider having a bad hair day to be a good enough reason to call in sick to work.

- You take state level politics very seriously, but choose who to vote for in federal elections by throwing darts at the names of candidates

- The man who mows your lawns is an immigrant.

- Your spouse or significant other is an immigrant.

- YOU are an immigrant.


The Northern States

The northern states refers to any state lying entirely above 60 degrees north latitude and east of the Drachensgard mountains. Polaris, Tathika, Diatara, Kerpruss, Gyanberk, Pfantz, Zorbakh and occasionally Ziigrut are considered northern states, with them sharing common cultural characteristics and an arctic or subarctic climate.

You know you're a Northerner when...

- Everyone you know has a beard. Including your wife.

- You laugh hysterically when you see cities like Exegrad and Das Engel shutting down due to snow - you've seen worse snow in the middle of summer.

- You'll wear a T-shirt and consider any temperature above freezing point to be a "hot day"

- You learned to drive before you learned to read, and you drive a snowmobile everywhere

- When someone offers you a "can of beer" you listen carefully in case they said "can of bear" as bear meat is a local delicacy often sold in tin cans

- You drink vodka more often than you drink water

- You've tried every kind of meat, from bear to dog to possibly even human flesh. However you consider vegetables to be a rare and exotic treat, and you've probably never seen fruit in your life.

- In summer, the roads are always under construction. Partly this is because this is the only time roadworks can happen, and mainly it's because you keep chains on your car's wheels all year round

- You spend most of the summer stockpiling firewood and food in case of emergencies during the winter, which lasts around 9 months of year and can be deadly to the unprepared in the event of an electricity outage

- You know pretty much everyone in the area personally - including high-ranking politicians, but treat everyone the same. You've probably been drinking at least once with Jaagen Autenberg.

- You're not concerned with politics - you're too busy planning out how to survive the coming winter.


The Western States

There's considerable debate as to what exactly constitutes the West. Luntzbusch, Resterbury and Amentra are all definitely considered western states, Mendovium and Tuvea usually are too. Clode, Garotch and the Corpshires are sometimes included as 'western states', but this tends to be controversial due to their more culturally conservative nature.

You know you're from the West when...

- You speak English and only English, and as such feel you have more in common with foreigners than with other Radiatians.

- You have a joke for every situation. Weddings, funerals, work... you name a subject and you can tell a joke about it.

- You once turned up to a job interview fully nude and smoking a joint. And they hired you.

- You judge people more by what football team they support than who they vote for

- You've never watched RPN or read the RPNN. You're almost fanatically loyal to WTV.

- You vote for the SDU in state elections and the LCP in federal elections. You claim that you put the "Liberal" into "Liberal-Conservative Party".

- You claim you're working class and grew up in the ghetto even though you're as suburban and middle class as it's possible to be

- You're an atheist during the day but at night you become some sort of nature worshipping pagan spiritualist

- You have literally hugged a tree before

- You protest and complain about oil companies even though you're employed by one

- It's a little known secret that sunsets are spectacular in the west, but you plan to keep it secret in order to keep Alayenians and Plainstainers from moving west and ruining everything.

- You can remember when Das Engel was a small backwater town. Although you claim to hate the city, deep down you're just envious of the city's wealth and wish they would discover oil in your hometown.


The East Coast

You know you're from Chongluntz or Vatfer when...

- Everything you eat has fish in it - from Greasy Joe's fish burgers, to fish with Yakkum, to fish smoothies. And you probably caught the fish yourself.

- Despite being fortunate enough to live near the ocean, you've never been to the beach

- You actually use public transport to get places

- You've met foreigners who speak Radiatian better than you

- You boast about your large salary to family living in other parts of the Federation but conveniently forget to mention the high cost of living in the eastern states.

- It doesn't matter whether it's pouring with rain, sleet, six feet of snow or a hurricane - you insist on walking most places

- You're actually aware that there is a world outside of Radiatia. You might have even been there.

- People don't believe you're really Radiatian when you travel abroad.

- You wear a suit and tie literally everywhere - whether you're going to the boardroom or the beach

- You try to be polite at all times, even if you've been inconvenienced in some way. Of course, such situations are rare because in the east things actually work and things are actually efficient, dammit!

Read factbook

Damn, this region is now almost as deserted as a Rolf Harris fanclub meeting.

Well, here's something I wrote anyway as a reward for those loyal enough to stay:

viewtopic.php?p=36689444#p36689444

Spent several days writing an extremely long slice of life article that no one will ever see:

viewtopic.php?p=36789641#p36789641

Radiatia wrote:Spent several days writing an extremely long slice of life article that no one will ever see:

viewtopic.php?p=36789641#p36789641

Here to prove you wrong on that point

Ditto

I just realised that article was about a city where residents can't go outside. I should have kept my mouth shut, now I'm in lockdown.

Radiatia wrote:I just realised that article was about a city where residents can't go outside. I should have kept my mouth shut, now I'm in lockdown.

More proof, if anyone needed to see it, that Radiatia is a predictive model for planet Earth

Segland wrote:More proof, if anyone needed to see it, that Radiatia is a predictive model for planet Earth

I'm just worried about what my upcoming article about an alien invasion and genocide is going to lead to...

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