Better question for Curlyhoward looking at the three stooges we have been gifted with by the gods: Drystar, Volaworand, rebeltopia. Which one in your empirical knowledge is Moe, Larry and Curly?
Hey all! I'm proud to present to ya'll *drumroll* XKI's february update!
10000 Islands Emissary Report
Date: February 2021
Delegate Endorsement: 411
Has your region been invaded, or do you want to get in touch with TITO? If so, contact one of the following nations:
~Chief Executive: Markanite
~Field Commander: Kanta Hame
~Tactical Officers: Shy Guyia, Smugglers and Mercs (TITO EF), Controlitia, Wischland
~Executive Officers: Hakketomat, HN67
As of this report's publication, the Government of 10000 Islands consists of:
~Chief Executive: Markanite
~WA Delegate: HumanSanity
~Senior Senator for Blue Canaria North (Emissary Report): Wischland
~Senator for Lyonnesse East (Houses): Aschente
~Senator for New Republica South (Debates and Discussions): Dokansia
~Senator for Himes West (RP): Vacant
~Minister of Education: Free Las Pinas
~Minister of Labor Wille-Harlia
~Minister of Immigration: Margaux
Information about other government officials of 10000 Islands can be found here.
~Following a shocking investigation into Taco Island Mayor Louisistan’s failure to use the official yacht as directed by the Mayor’s Private Yacht Act of 1955, Louis handed in his resignation as mayor. Chief Executive Markanite appointed Tanzoria as the new mayor, to oversee forum spam and games. Thank you, Louis, for your convivial leadership of Taco Island, and congrats Tanzoria!
~Markanite also appointed Free Las Pinas as the new President of the XKI Cards Co-op, after HumanSanity stepped down. As President, FLP will help to coordinate regional card farming efforts and direct the donation of cards to various cultural events and competitions.
~Then Secretary of State Margaux hired Porflox as XKI’s new emissary to Spiritus, Sulenia as emissary to Greater Dienstad, and Eastern New England as emissary to Deutschland.
~The new Minister of Education Free Las Pinas hired Sulenia to serve as his deputy and assist in coordinating the welcome and assistance of new members of the region.
~February’s Featured Nation was Porflox, a newcomer to the islands who has already shown their talent as a recruiter, TITO Member, and the region’s new emissary to Spiritus. Congratulations Porflox, we’re excited to see where you’ll go next!
~Cultural Officer Thedairos announced the Best Flag Competition this February, where members and friends of the region could submit their flag designs via a forum thread or an on-site TG, after which Islanders voted for their favorite design. With 22 gorgeous flag designs to choose from, competition was fierce, but in the end, Grea Kriopia’s flag won the forum competition, and Megistos flag won the on-site competition. Congrats to the winners and a round of applause for all contestants for their creativity and amazing flag designing skills!
~XKI’s Forum Theme Design Competition continued throughout the month of February. Interested Islanders were given the chance to submit their own ideas for a new forum design, in hopes that their submission might be chosen as an actual theme for the regional forum. Four intrepid designers tried their hand at making a forum theme. Free Las Pinas showed an eye for pleasing pink with his Pastel Palms Theme. Pianaville lifted our spirits with their bright Beach Theme and Comfed channeled the spirit of the ocean with their Surf of the Islands Theme. Finally, Silvedania got us all ready for summer vacation with their Sand and Water Theme. The Council of Nine is currently deliberating which of these gorgeous designs to pick, so stay tuned to find out the competition winner next month!
~Perhaps prompted by the new Mayor Tanzoria, there has been a resurgence of spammy chat threads in Taco Island. Chaos reigned as Islanders debated whether or not this is a Starbucks, fired trebuchet projectiles at one another (and the mayoral mansion), and re-opened The Tanzoria Asylum for the Criminally Insane. And yes, the asylum is named after the new mayor, perhaps explaining why Taco Island has been so crazy as of late. Regardless, Islanders new and old enjoyed the excitement and got to spamming like never before!
~In celebration of The Partnership for Sovereignty, XKI, TRR, and TSP joined forces to host a trading card pull event. The event was centered around commended defenders, and participants had the chance to get S1 Improving Wordiness, Ballotonia, and Eluvatar cards. Eager to try their luck, members of all three regions spent the afternoon card farming and opening up card packs, with several participants striking gold and gaining a copy of these sought-after cards.
~Although this is a civil, rather than personal achievement, we wanted to highlight Eastern New England for all the hard work he has been doing lately as the WA Secretariat in issuing numerous WA Proposal Voting Recommendations and Overviews. With every new proposal to hit vote in the GA or SC, ENE searches through forum debate to provide Islanders with a quick, easy to understand overview of the proposal from a variety of perspectives. For political proposals, ENE goes one step further, and coordinates with delegate HumanSanity to issue a voting recommendation explaining why a vote for or against is in XKI’s regional interest. ENE’s work has provided valuable insight into the WA for many Islanders, and truly deserves a moment of special recognition for his efforts!
~Free Las Pinas also put in the work in regard to the WA this month, authoring their first-ever GA Resolution “Supporting People with Disabilities”. After months of drafting and redrafting his proposal about protecting and assisting those with physical and mental impairments, FLP submitted his proposal towards the middle of February. Following an extensive telegram campaign, the proposal reached vote and passed with a laudable 82.8% support. Congrats FLP, and best of luck in your future authorship endeavors.
~Not to be outdone, Noahs Second Country also got to work in the WA, drafting “Repeal: Commend Northern Borland”, pointing out the questionable claims of the original resolution. Although this was a controversial repeal, Noah’s hard work ensured that it would pass, with 58.9% support. Fantastic job!
~Rounding out XKI’s excellent work in the WA this month was HumanSanity. Following a raid on the passworded region The Embassy, HS quickly pushed “Liberate The Embassy” to vote in the Security Council. With broad support from many small delegates and individual nations, the resolution passed with 69.5% support. Congratulations and thank you HS!
A regional poll by Jabberwocky asked Islanders which of a variety of movie villains would make the best parent. Most Islanders weren’t particularly impressed by any of the villains parenting skills and chastised poor Jabber for being insensitive. Those willing to disregard the problems of villain parents, however, decided that Emperor Palpatine would make the best dad.
The RMB was filled with playful banter this month:
~Another month bites the dust!
~Kyle and his hole?
~Z-Day has come early.
~No no, it’s cursed.
~Likely story. I want name, rank, and, Bank Balance.
~Unlimited voting Power!
~Old Folks and their lawns.
~An excellent translation!
With February, came the Poet Laureate Contest. Islanders submitted poems, this time centered on the themes of courage and bravery, which were then voted upon by the region. Aersoldorf’s humorous poem, was chosen as the contest’s winner.
The sun had slipped away,
Patrons thru my door had come,
To hide until the day.
Good food, strong drink and tales provide,
Distraction from their fear,
Yet laughing eyes can scarce disguise,
The knowledge that Death’s near.
The TITO boys were making noise,
A’boasting of past deeds,
As stronger ales make stronger tales,
They’d all been in their meads.
Kanta cleared his throat and said,
That he was bravest, true,
“While you were kicking raiders butts,
I kicked their mamas too”
Kort’s Korner did erupt in sound,
Knights spewed their drinks, guffawed,
Up through the floor came Shelter’s ghost,
The patrons silent, awed.
“I hear ye making crazy claims,
I’ve come to set you straight,
Titanica, the bravest knight,
Would use you for cut bait,
Yet even he, the noblest knight,
Was filled with doubt and dread,
When from the sand a monster plucked,
Its fearsome, fishy, head.
Part vampire, fish and bird,
Grub gumbo turned and ran so fast,
A sonic boom was heard,
For 80 days and nights they ran,
No respite, no time out,
When out of breath, the knight did stop,
And turn himself about,
I beg of thee my mortal foe,
A toast to death let’s chug,
But Hakke smiled and said no thanks,
I chased you for a hug.”
As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.
Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is a computer hacker!"
As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.
After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his actions.
After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme measures need to be employed.
To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes necessary.
1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?
Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.
I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites.
2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?
Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".
The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.
3. Has your child asked for new hardware?
Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.
If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
4. Does your child read hacking manuals?
If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.
There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.
If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.
5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?
If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.
6. Does your son use Quake?
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.
If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?
As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.
Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.
8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.
Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.
If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
10. Is your son struggling academically?
If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.
I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.
There is no rest for the wicked. No respite of relief until Freaky Friday for one such as you. Like Erinor circling a twinkie, you will never know when a shark will attack. But do not fret heathen, like Moby you are in for a wild hunt! Though beware of the white whale- or whatever you see when you get drunk. Typically I find out that they have a mean left hook..
There's almost no way that was written seriously. Right?! ;) Also, it appears to have been written about twenty years ago. Ish.
...I am now feeling the urge to read some Stephenson and Gibson, those provocateurs...
The Stickmin Empire
Stickmins are pog. Hes also really nice and accepting. We have a lot in common. A part of the TNA.
Repaired our ties and are now allies. A part of the TNA.
Hes a concrete slab. AKA the best type of slab ever. Best concrete. ;)
Hugs, hugs, even more hugs!
Not too much in common except hes nice to us all and gives good replies.
Nicholas and Great Britain
Pretty cool guy! I enjoy his personality a lot. Hes similar to me.
I enjoy talking to him and such. Its really nice that he likes all of our RMB posts, and inspired me to do the same. Thanks! A part of the TNA.
Country of the Boris Johnson
Helped out in defeating the 1st Division.
Good ally and a part of the TNA.
Newly found ally. Very friendly and peaceful.
My puppet nation.
Even though hes cool I don’t see him often.
Same reason as Beepee.
Same reason as Amerion.
Raiders, but havent caused damage to us. Not allies nor enemies.
Member of the TNA.
1st Division of The New South Pacific
Revolution boy, what the heck.
Tries to force people to be happy and such. Came to my land without my consent and tried to happize my people. Such arrogance!
Aw, thanks! It would be better if you explained the reasoning for your relations, though. Take my own dispatch, for example:
Literally could be anyone who doesn't believe in hateful ideologies like nationalism, fascism, Nazism, or jihadism, but...
- Cohuila Y Tejas (Isaac/Cohuila) - My NPO bestie, close IRL friend, and fellow memer and Robloxian. We are in the same 5th period class. We like to study together on some nights.
Proctethia (Procty) - My decently friendly fox friend that likes to nitpick on everything that I say. And NEVER FORGET BOAT!
Laamiva - My frog-rabbit thing friend and fellow gamer (though she doesn't play Roblox). But NEVER FORGET BOAT!
The great parkguinius (Parky) - My penguin friend who is, for some reason, psychotic, and does weird stuff to random people (including me).
FiHami/The Gilded Ray (Phoenix) - My phoenix friend who is a former TSPer and legislator, and is the Stellar Phoenix of Inferno Stellaria. During her term as Minister of Defense, she was a great teacher and helped me learn to defend. Most wholesome out of everyone listed here <3
Imperial Dodo (Swifty) - My bear friend who is a fellow gamer (not Roblox, though) and SPSF soldier. His immaturity sometimes amuses me and at other times displeases me.
Purple Hyacinth (Hya) - My flower friend who is also the Chair of the Assembly and a somehow busy procrastinator. I sometimes feel like I am too annoying to her
North Prarie (Prarie) - Some random dude who's a fellow SPSF soldier, as well as and the founder of Komme Sammen.
Amerion - ALL HAIL THE ETERNAL, GLORIOUS SUPREME LEADER AND ADMIRAL DELEGATE GENERAL OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC!!!
Doge Land (Waffle) - Fellow Robloxian. I can only assume that he has the same meme-ish personality that I do, and I like that. Is friends with Maple (see below).
Beepee - TSP's WA Delegate. Overall charming and charismatic guy.
Witchcraft and Sorcery (W&S) - Minister of Defense. He seems hardcore but is also pretty chill, I guess. Thanks for giving Officer training!
Uvalor - Lil dude who likes to talk to me. Thank you for reaching out to me about your problems, I can help any time ^_^
Concrete Slab (CS) - Literally just a concrete slab. He taught me a little lesson about tolerance, and he seems to be supportive of whatever I present to him.
- Western Fardelshufflestein (Fardel/WF) - Former enemy during the Great Durian War. I have friendly relations with him today.
Shangyuen - Fellow socialist nation, legislator, and SPSF member, but he likes to nitpick on everything that I say, just like Procty does. Too bad he left TSP due to some controversy, though.
Volaworand (Vola) - A fun, enjoyable penguin. However, I lost two elections due to his endorsements of Drystar and Beepee in order to maintain Auphelian influence. >:(
Eareamland (Maple) - NEVER FORGET THE CURSED GUNS! He is my friend now, though, and also a fellow Robloxian. Is friends with Waffle (see above).
Varanius (Vara) - Why the heck do you kick puppies? They're such adorable and innocent creatures! He also brainwashed me into doing puppy kicking
The Moonstar (Dami) - Gives a middle finger to literally everyone and anyone, but is very wise and experienced in lots of things. IT'S MELIX, NOT MEELIX!
Ipugao and Taigama - Were inspired by my good hospitality towards new South Pacificans to do the same.
DECADENT CAPITALIST PIG DOGS! (Enemies)
I want to yeet them into the void.
- RMB trolls and spammers - Aww, you're so cute and funny! NOW GET SMITED BY THE MIGHTY HAMMERS OF THE CRS AND/OR THE NATIONSTATES MODERATORS!!!
J o J - A South Pacifican attempts to condemn you for your collaboration with hateful ideologies, and you decide to steal Psomewhere from us in response? HOW DARE YOU, NATIONALIST SCUM!
Two nationalists (which I do not want to name) - You've attempted to infiltrate the glorious democracy of TSP with your decadent ideology, huh? You deserved that banjecting!
Ignoring a whale’s punching abilities, Moby must’ve been completely weirded out by Ahab. Like, you crash into a guy’s boat once and suddenly he’s stalking you? And it’s like, okay, fine, whatever, I’m a whale, I can swim. What’s he going to do ram a boat into me? (Yes).
Sure, that’s bad on the face of it, but if you could understand what he was saying, whoah boy. He compares wearing your stuff with Pope robes, calls you the devil, and is clearly weird for you.
What I’m saying is Drystar is the innocent party in this and you need to apologize for being weird about him. Also stop hunting people for sport and calling them whales. It’s not good for their self esteem.
Saint Cinder, oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked,
Money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay
I got mouths to feed
There ain't nothing in this world for free.
I know I can't slow down
I can't hold back
Tho you know I wish I could
Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes 👀 for good.