The Children are crying because of La Xinga is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by big cheeks with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, pith helmet sales, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 6.7 billion cheek are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Healthcare, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of hell. The average income tax rate is 85.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient cheek economy, worth 795 trillion hugs a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 118,764 hugs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Protests are prohibited from blocking traffic, popular sunny beaches always have a cloudy outlook, loudmouthed journalists are given the chop, and economists speak of trusting in the Tao of Free Market Capitalism. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. La Xinga's national animal is the cheek, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is who has that.

La Xinga is ranked 188,698^th in the world and 3,251^st in The East Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 188.29 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.