The Impending baldness of Ethel mermania is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Fearless Leader with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, frequent executions, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 29.801 billion Ethel mermanians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Great White Way. The average income tax rate is 27.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ethel mermanian economy, worth a remarkable 7,727 trillion yids a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Tourism, Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 259,301 yids, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Atheistic refugees haven't got a prayer of being granted asylum, it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools, a favorite "life hack" for gap year backpackers is to pretend to be homeless for government handouts, and community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ethel mermania's national animal is the ethel merman, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the cult of fearless leaderism.

Ethel mermania is ranked 5,535^th in the world and 3^rd in Snazzy for Lowest Crime Rates, with 114.25 law-abiding acts per hour.