The Universalyi of Coldiea is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Redder Offtoffsoin with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, frequent executions, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 12.664 billion Kelforians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Healthcare, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Faun-ettes Arstotzka. The average income tax rate is 18.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Kelforian economy, worth 824 trillion Elfores a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Uranium Mining, and Information Technology. Average income is 65,130 Elfores, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Abortions are routinely performed in the nation's hospitals, shanty towns have formed around the newly rebuilt commercial district, the government has begun breaking all large businesses into thousands of mom-and-pop general stores, and torture is illegal. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coldiea's national animal is the Jalosi-Uttrei, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Stoneism-Wheelism.

Coldiea is ranked 207,410^th in the world and 4,809^th in The North Pacific for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -4.47 on the Clooney Contribution Index.