The Republic of Nordwald is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Bundeskanzler Lutz Ostwalder with a fair hand, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, compulsory military service, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 5.762 billion Nordwaldians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Südwaldstadt. The average income tax rate is 98.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Nordwaldian economy, worth a remarkable 1,134 trillion Walders a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 196,895 Walders, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Government reports are now used to teach toddlers to read, wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations", dozens of viewers go online to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375, and funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nordwald's national animal is the Baummarder, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Nordwald is ranked 289,503^rd in the world and 6,307^th in The North Pacific for Highest Disposable Incomes, with 2,953.44 Standard Monetary Units.