The Confederate technocracy of Great United Columbia is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Empress Monika Habsburg with an even hand, and notable for its national health service, pith helmet sales, and daily referendums. The hard-nosed population of 4.337 billion Columbions have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Celeste mountain. The average income tax rate is 71.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Columbion economy, worth 807 trillion Natridiniums a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 186,110 Natridiniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government, children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants, the bonfire of the old paper records can be seen for miles around Celeste mountain, and betting pennies on games of Go Fish is considered deviant. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Great United Columbia's national animal is the Whale, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Great United Columbia is ranked 129,189^th in the world and 44^th in Arctica for Safest, scoring 68.96 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.